My trainer started incorporating TRX into my workouts two months ago, yet I've never done the exercise Bar Refaeli is doing here. If I had to guess, I'd say it's because my ass doesn't look like this.

I've never heard of Carnage, but it must be good, because Bar Refaeli showed up for its premiere at the Venice Film Festival last night looking absolutely fantastic. As you look at these, please keep in mind that Leonardo DiCaprio dumped her for Blake Lively. Again, Leonardo DiCaprio dumped Bar Refaeli for Blake Lively. When interviewed by phone, Leonardo's penis said, "Dude. I know. What's up with that?".

Instead, she was in Greece in a black bikini that Kim Kardaashian could only wear if sorcery was somehow involved or the inspection tag was stamped at Hogwarts.


CLICK ON THE BANNER PIC TO SEE THE WHOLE SET. BOTH SETS.

Bar Refaeli is an Israeli draft dodger and model, so here she is at the Dead Sea where she posed in blackface or "mud" as she calls it. Haha, whatever, Bar! You can't fool us. Maybe that's why Leonardo DiCaprio dumped her because she's a racist. You never really know with some people. Maybe we can send all the black people to Israel so they can have a march or something like that.

Bar Refaeli was in Porto Cervo, Italy with her rumored new boyfriend, David Fisher (not pictured), this weekend, and either this bikini was dipped in poison ivy at some point or the inside is made of shark teeth because no time in these pictures can she take her hands off the thing. In conclusion, companies should make more bikinis like this. Women won't care. If they like being comfortable they wouldn't wear high heels or give birth.

Dear women, if you're at desk right now wondering why you're not on a yacht, turn around. Now look at your ass. It doesn't look like this. Thank you. Have a good day.

Note: And don't be mean to me in the comments, ladies. I assumed you were at a desk, after all.

Wit the irony being that most of the men walking on Earth would gladly die from full-blown AIDS if it meant they got infected by sticking their penis in her vagina, Bar Refaeli attended the 2011 amfAR Cinema Against AIDS Gala in Cannes. Also, tits.

Last night Dallas Maverick's German forward Dirk Nowitzki dropped 48 points on the Thunder and was 24-24 from the line. The entire team took turns trying to guard him, and at one point the Thunder's coach tried to summon a dragon, but it looked like the Thunder were playing in a video game against a kid with a cheat code. And according to Schindler's List, nothing can stop a German's thirst for blood better than a Jewish succubus. Or a Jewish maid. I think she was a maid. She could have been a robot. Did the movie have dinosaurs? I'll be honest, it was a long time ago. Basically what I'm saying is that they should get Bar Refaeli to get naked at some point during the game.