Say what you want about President Obama, but instead of listening to The Gaithers: A Christmas Homecoming on his iPod while he's bombing an abortion clinic or following Widespread Panic around while passing out flyers to make bestiality legal, he actually is a pretty cool guy and is aware of the world around him. My point being, he just called Kanye West a jackass. So let me just say, "Oh, snap!" or "Zing!" You know, which ever applies to you in this case.
Barack Obama and France's President Nicolas Sarkozy took a picture with junior G8 delegates at the G8 summit in L'Aquila, Italy yesterday, and I have no idea what he's thinking. He's probably tired of magazines sayin' flat butts are the thing. Seriously, take the average black man and ask him that.
Saturday afternoon update: Guys, relax. Nobody's trying to impeach him or place him in stocks in the town square. It was a picture taken out of context for the sake of mockery and an excuse for me to make a lame joke like everything else on this site. To be honest, if he didn't check out a chick's ass once in a while then I'd be worried. So take a deep breath. Everything is going to be okay....
On the morning of April 27, the US Defense Department conducted an aerial photoshoot of Air Force One escorted by two F-16s over Battery Park City and up the Hudson River. Although it was coordinated with the FAA and 311/911 personnel, no Manhattan residents were informed. Anybody wanna take a guess what happened? Unadulterated panic in the streets. Because, I don't know if you read about this anywhere (you might have), but back in 2001 two commercial airliners flew into The World Trade Center and killed 2,998 people and injured 6,291. Jesus. Why didn't they just send some Ring Wraiths to fly around Manhattan instead? I'm almost positive they wouldn't have scared the living shit out of people any less. A Boeing 747 flying to close to the ground in New York is like Mothra flying over Tokyo or my penis in a sorority house. It'll be safe to say that sheer terror would be the general consensus.
During the Democratic primaries, Barack Obama bowled a 37 at a stop in Pennsylvania (you can see that here), but apparently he's gotten better because he went on Jay Leno last night and said he recently bowled a 129. Not like the last time when he bowled a 37 "like the Special Olympics or something". Obama then went on to talk about the time the retarded kid Mongo got out of his cage so he bought him a leash. You know, the ones you can hook up to the clothes line. Now he can run back and forth and there's plenty of room for him to dig. And to play. That kid, he's really blossomed.
Wait a minute. I'm confused. I thought Obama just signed an executive order to ban torture. Somebody should probably tell Michelle Obama, because I don't have a vagina, but if I did, I'd like to think "fisting" would have been included somewhere in the verbiage.
Mariah Carey was invited to perform during the inaugural festivities, and I know you're not going to believe this, but she acted like a complete bitch. Oh, I know! I was surprised, too! New York Post says:
SOME divas cling to their high-maintenance ways even at moments of historic national import. Mariah Carey, who performed at the Neighborhood Ball for President and Michelle Obama, was "furious" when she found out where she'd be seated for the inauguration. A spy said, "Mariah was in the VIP area, where every celebrity, like Jon Bon Jovi, Mary J. Blige, Alicia Keys and Bruce Springsteen, was seated. But somehow she thought she'd be up with the Obama family. When she realized she wasn't, she bailed."
I have no idea why Mariah Carey gets invited to things. She's crazy anyway and when she doesn't get her way, she's an insufferable pain in the ass. Look sweetie, I'm sorry we couldn't get you your baby dolphin omelet with penguin eggs or a diamond encrusted chair for you to sit in, but if you just sing then shut fuck up, we'd all appreciate it. k thnx bai.
I don't know if this historic occasion is the time or place to display school spirit, but I tend to lean with OK! Magazine on this one. Nick Saban is an outstanding coach.
I was too busy watching the House marathon on USA to notice, but according to all the calls and emails I got yesterday, I missed Barack Obama being sworn in as our 44th President. Apparently that was some kind of historic event. Not sure why exactly because I'm pretty sure Obama didn't cross the Alps on elephants and I'm almost positive that CNN would have mentioned if he fed the crowd with two fish and five loaves of bread. Since they didn't, I really didn't see the need to watch another rich, Ivy league educated lawyer raised by white people turned power hungry, cutthroat politician tell me how he's just like me through words that other rich, Ivy league educated white people wrote. Sorry, dude. I realize I'm not supposed to notice because you and Martin Luther King, Jr. kinda look alike, but the guy who cuts my grass kinda looks like me too. That doesn't mean it's my lifelong dream to see him elected President.
