I guess being in a shitty band and having brain damage are pretty good qualities in a American Idol judge. Contacting Music reports:

The ailing rocker, who is still recovering from a near-fatal brain haemorrhage and a recent stroke, was an instant hit with fans, who gave him a standing ovation as he walked out to sing a rendition of Poison's Every Rose Has Its Thorn. And Cowell was left so impressed he's considering handing him his judging seat now that the Brit has quit the show after nine years on the panel. He says, "Actually, he'd be good. He's funny. He's got experience. He'd be a good choice - and you saw the audience reaction to him. They love him."
And Michaels is hopeful he will be handed the job: "I'm sorry he (Cowell) has to go but sometimes things happen. Provided my health holds up, I think I'm taking that chair next year!"

I don't know how being an expert in bandanas and the proper way to sanitize stripper poles has to do with karaoke, but hey, I wish him luck. He got the pity vote on Celebrity Apprentice, now he's set to replace the best judge of talent on television. Almost dying is the best thing that ever to a person since Jesus. Maybe if he shoots himself in the face he can get a Grammy. Go for it, Bret!

Poison frontman and truck stop strip club VIP, Bret Michaels, remains in critical condition. Maybe people should know this, because there have been rumors that he is dead.

Bret Michaels continues to remain in critical condition after suffering a brain hemorrhage last Thursday, his rep tells UsMagazine.com. "There's a rumor out there that Bret passed," says the rep. "It isn't true."

The fact that he hasn't died would be really good news for him if knew he was alive, but doctors will celebrate for him. USA Today reports:

Joseph Broderick, chairman of the University of Cincinnati Neurology Department, tells MTV doctors should have a better sense of Michaels' chance of recovery over the next two weeks or so. "Patients typically die within the first couple of days or a week from this kind of stroke," he said. And Good Morning America reports that in patients who have suffered a similar stroke, "a quarter die in the first week; half die in the first six months." Arno Fried, chairman of Neurosurgery at Hackensack University Medical Center in Hackensack, N.J. says, "I would describe (Michaels' condition) as guarded. If the bleed has not caused too much damage, the possibility of recovery is quite good."

Well, that's good news. There's a good chance he might live. The only real negative is that the next season of Rock Of Love might have to add feeding tubes to their production budget.

Note: C.C. DeVille walked into the bar across the street from my apartment a few months ago, and every hot chick in the place was all over him like he was giving away Prada bags filled with orgasms. So, this post is in no way meant to offend C.C. By the way, the original title of this post was "Unresponsive Bop", but I felt that was in bad taste.

IDLYITW's long distance dedication to Bret Michaels. Get well soon, man. Or don't. Whatevs:

Blah blah blah Bret Michaels suffered a massive hemorrhage near his brain stem on Thursday, and as of right now, he's still in ICU. Apparently the STD's are really working their magic. TMZ reports:

Bret Michaels remains in critical condition at an undisclosed location, this according to a statement released today on the rocker's Facebook page. Michael was rushed to the hospital late Thursday night after suffering a massive hemorrhage near his brain stem. A statement on his FB says, "We are hopeful that further tests will locate the source of the bleeding, which has still not been located. As we all know Bret is a fighter and we are hopeful that once all is complete the slurred speech, blurred vision and dizziness, etc. will be eliminated and all functions will return to normal."

Whatever. I'm not saying Bret Michaels dying would be a good thing, but if he did, that's one less shitty song he can write and one less dayshift stripper he can tease with the promise of love. Wait, I guess it would be a good thing. I mean, seriously, look at the banner picture. He looks like Jack Sparrow if Jack Sparrow pirated the seas to pay for his anal bleaching and brow lifts. If he died today, the day would be forever known as "April 26th".