In case you haven't heard, Bristol Palin has a new reality show premiering on Lifetime called Life Is A Tripp (see because her kid is named Tripp and she hasn't milked that whole situation enough), and apparently it's so mind-numbingly boring that the dude partly responsible for Bristol having a show wants no part of it. Radar Online reports:

The daughter of former Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin wanted Levi Johnston to be on her latest television project, but RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned that he turned her down flat. “Bristol asked Levi to be on the show,” a source said about the 21-year-old single mother. “But, he said no way; Levi didn’t want to be a part of her reality show at all.” The source said that Bristol has been filming the show in her home state of Alaska, but so far it doesn’t look like it’s going to make for riveting viewing. “Everyone has seen her with the cameras,” the source said, but added, “it doesn’t look like she’s done that many interesting things.”

Now after reading that, here's the press release. My God.

“From the first moment she was thrust into the public eye, Bristol and her son have been the subjects of a huge amount of curiosity and misunderstanding. This show will reveal the real Bristol Palin and her journey as a daughter, a mother and a young woman making her way in the world."

They kind of brush over the fact that the "misunderstanding" is that her sociopath mother preaches abstinence yet Bristol got knocked up when she was 16 because what the hell else are you gonna do in Alaska except shoot wolves and fight vampires? If her last name wasn't Palin, Bristol would, at best, be trying to convince her boss to let her dance the main stage one night a week, but since her mother ruined any chance McCain had, she gets her own television show despite the fact that all she's ever accomplished is managing to have a baby that wasn't retarded. What up, Trig? What's shakin, homey? Your brain? Cool, bro.

After your mom looks up how to spell "abstinence", she then preaches it, so if you get pregnant, you have to make sure it wasn't your fault. US Magazine reports:

When Bristol Palin lost her virginity, it wasn't the romantic experience she had envisioned. In her new autobiography, Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far, the 20-year-old single mom reveals that, while drunk for the very first time, she lost her virginity to Levi Johnston during a camping trip. Palin says she woke up alone in her tent, with no recollection as to what happened. Johnston, meanwhile, "talked with his friends on the other side of the canvas." When she confronted him about their sexual encounter, Johnston, now 21, told Palin what she wanted to hear: they wouldn't have sex again until they were married. But, Palin writes, they became intimate again shortly after. When she learned she was pregnant in 2008, Palin was on birth control pills prescribed to treat her cramps; it took eight home pregnancy tests to convince her that she was expecting.

I like how Bristol Palin basically says she was date raped, then thought about Jesus for a second, then said, "Whatever, let's start fucking again as soon as possible." She's supposed to be some sort of beacon of hope for young females who are being pressured into sex, but in reality, she got drunk and banged some dude in a tent and now has to do everything she can to make herself believe that she's not a slut who got wet at the first sign of free Boone's Farm. Like write a memoir at 20. But in her defense, I can see how being the spokesperson for Plan B might not be as profitable.

Wow, and just in time for her new reality show. It's almost like this was planned or something. You know, unlike the pregnancy. Us Magazine reports:

Bristol Palin caused a major stir April 30 in Washington, D.C. at an afterparty for the White House Correspondents Association dinner: Debuting not just a slimmed-down bod and stylish new 'do but a distinctly more angled jaw and sharpened chin. And the young mom, Dancing with the Stars alum and daughter of political superstar Sarah Palin knew what everyone was thinking. "It's not plastic surgery," she tells Us Weekly exclusively in the new issue, out Wednesday. She explains: "I had corrective jaw surgery" back in December 2010, says the new Bio channel reality star, who has a 2-year-old son, Tripp, with ex-fiance Levi Johnston. "Yes," she admits, "It improved the way I look, but this surgery was necessary for medical reasons...so my jaw and teeth could properly realign...I don't obsess over my face" Still, "I am absolutely thrilled with the results," she gushes. "I look older, more mature, and don't have as much of a chubby little baby face!"

Ah, the "corrective jaw surgery" excuse. Is she Shane Mosley? Is she Darkman? No? Then the bitch had plastic surgery. Not really sure what the debate is here.

Bristol Palin attended something called Candie's Foundation 2011 Event to Prevent Benefit gala last night, and besides it having a stupid long-winded name, it also had Bristol Palin as an honored guest. The Bristol Palin who looked like this four months ago. Now I'm not gonna sit her accuse someone of allegedly having plastic surgery. But I will sit here and say that Bristol Palin has definitely had plastic surgery.

And it's really thoughtful. E! Online:

The FBI and LAPD are investigating after an envelope containing a suspicious white powder was found in the Dancing With the Stars mailroom at CBS Studios.

"Security and the Los Angeles Fire Department and Los Angeles Police Department were immediately notified," ABC said in a statement to E! News.

"Measures were taken to secure the area and ensure the safety of personnel. Ultimately we were advised by the LAPD that the substance was determined to be talcum powder."

I'm not sure what the big deal is. A fan sent her something she can actually use and she gets all huffy about it? Relax bitch. If you think your kid is too old for baby powder, you can use it yourself to prevent chafing between your chins.

I was going to post pictures of some of the skinny sluts on Teen Mom for this until I remembered Stacy Keibler was on Dancing With the Stars once.

Bristol Palin is famous because John McCain picked his VP candidate's name out of a hat and because she got knocked up after not fully understanding what the word "abstinence" means. Now she's on Dancing With The Stars. And her son calls the nanny mommy. National Enquirer reports:

The 19-year-old daughter of former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin uprooted her 21-month-old son, Tripp, from their home in Alaska to take part in the Hollywood celebrity dance competition - but until recently, she's been spending very little time with him as she rehearses for the show, sources told The ENQUIRER. And baby daddy Levi Johnston is livid that she has allowed their son to be raised mostly by a nanny! "Tripp is now second to Bristol's desire for fame and stardom," said a close source. "Tripp is primarily being cared for by Bristol's nanny in strange surroundings far from home."

Bristol's response?

"I'm just like every other working mom: balancing work, raising my son and taking on a new, positive challenge." Bristol added that Tripp is "healthy and doing great."

Bristol Palin as an advocate for teen pregnancy prevention is like Dahmer being an advocate for the vegan lifestyle, so whatever. But wait, I thought the kid's name was Trig? Who is this Tripp person? Are these two different kids? And if they are, which one is the retarded one? If it's the one who looks like Jason Voorhees when he jumped out of the lake as a kid at the end of Part 1, who cares? Get one of those laser pointer things for cats and shine it on the wall, he'll be all right.

"Working mom", huh? So that's what we're calling this now?

Bristol Palin was in New York City to promote National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, but that was before she found out underage chicks could get into 1Oak. Gatecrasher reports:

Miss Palin may have spent Wednesday morning celebrating the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy — but she spent Wednesday evening fretting that her cover would be blown at NYC hot spot 1Oak. "Bristol was there around 1 a.m. with friends," a partygoer says. "She was trying to have fun, but she looked like she was terrified that people would recognize her and start gawking. It seems like she couldn't even relax." A second denizen of the club backed up the sighting. We can't blame Bristol for being nervous: After spending all day at events like "The Harsh Truth: Teen Moms Tell All" — and tirelessly promoting her new good-girl image — showing up at a 21-and-over venue may not have been the best idea. "For me personally, [abstinence] is the answer," she smiled sweetly at the daytime event. "And for teens out there, yeah, having sex has consequences, no matter how safe you are."

I don't know what underage girls partying in NYC club at 1am in the morning means, but I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with teen pregnancy.

Levi Johnston was some teenage loser who got drunk and knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, then he parlayed that "fame" by posing nude and standing outside car dealerships. Bristol now wants all that money of course. TMZ reports:

Court documents were filed by Bristol's lawyer late Thursday afternoon in Alaska, demanding $1,750 a month in child support from Levi, retroactive to the birth of son Tripp on December 27, 2008. According to the docs, obtained by TMZ, Bristol believes Levi has pulled in "in excess of $105,000 in 2009 through various media interviews and modeling related activities." Bristol says in her sworn statement, "I have received limited and sporadic financial assistance from Levi." Bristol says Levi has forked over only $4,400 over the 13 months of Tripp's life -- $3,000 on September 9, 2009, $1,400 on December 19. Bristol's request is for temporary support, pending a permanent child support order. UPDATE: Levi Johnston's manager, Tank Jones, tells TMZ Levi has paid Bristol more than $10,000 since Tripp was born. Jones also says Levi does not make money off of every interview he does, though he did not say exactly how much Levi has made.

$1,750 for one kid? I hate to break it to you ladies, but this how Lifetime movies get made. Here's an idea, get a job. Just because you didn't make this idiot pull out, doesn't mean he has to live under a bridge so you can mark things off your Charlotte Russe wishlist. Besides, this kid is half Palin, there was a good chance he would have came out like Trig. What does he need two grand a month for? Just get him a tire swing or a cable run so he can have free access to the backyard. That seems like it would be fun and a bit more cost effective.


You can read the court docs HERE


Bristol's mama in booty shorts: