In the new book, Britney: Inside The Dream, author Steve Dennis says Britney shaved her hair off in 2007 to spite her mother and management, who forced Britney into a terrible life of international stardom and untold riches. Awww, poor Britney :( The Sun reports:

"The head-shaving had little do with self-loathing, more a loathing against the public persona that had defined her until then. "What few people knew was that Britney was rowing with her mum, LYNNE, who seemed to be incessantly reminding her of her motherly duties and responsibilities. "What made Britney most irate was that her mama kept mentioning how her ex Kevin wasn't forever on the town. This was all being viewed as controlling behaviour. "The head-shaving moment was the culmination of an escalating rebellion, heightened by heartbreak over her divorce and custody battle, that can be traced back to 2004 when Britney decided she no longer wished to conform, be controlled or take instruction." Steve adds: "What better way to rid herself of the performer's identity than by losing the very hair she famous for - sabotaging the act to free the person?"

I realize all of this is supposed to make me feel bad for Britney Spears, but sorry, it's not. Instead of being home with her kids, she was high on meth and diet pills and getting hit with paparazzi penis like a Whac-A-Mole. The bitch was crazy. In 2007 you didn't know what the hell Britney was gonna do next. Everyday, I was fulling expecting to see pictures of Britney huffing from a gas pump or painting a tunnel on the side of a mountain to catch Roadrunner.

In a statement released late yesterday by Jive Records, Britney Spears' manager, Larry Rudolph, has confirmed that Spears has checked out of Promises Malibu Alcohol and Drug Rehab Treatment Facility after "successfully completing their program" that she began on February 22nd. Rudolph says:

We ask that the media respects her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time."

Uh, no. Because really, who are you kidding? Just give her a week. Britney won't disappoint. She's an attention-starved, self-destructive, codependent mess. Staying 27 days out of a possible 45 days isn't going to change that. By this time next year, instead of walking on stage with her Grammy, she'll be walking in a park with her shopping cart. I don't know which demon actually talks to Britney, but if he could get this thing moving along, I'd appreciate it.



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Labels: britney spears, britney spears bald, britney spears rehab

Okay, so here are the pictures and video of Britney Spears attacking the paparazzi Wednesday night with insanity and an umbrella. Britney's assistant attempts to be the voice or reason, but that pretty much ends as soon as Britney screams, "Fuck yourselves!" Christ, Britney is a lunatic. I can't believe that just only three years ago I wanted to do unspeakable things to this girl's anus, but know she's some sort of post-partum Terminator. She can't be bargained with, she can't be reasoned with. She doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or dignity. If I saw this coming at me, I'd assume she wanted to eat my brain.

Labels: britney spears, britney spears bald, britney spears rehab

TMZ is reporting that Britney Spears has entered rehab for the third time today and is expected to remain at the facility for the full 45 days. Kevin Federline canceled the emergency custody hearing that was scheduled today after Britney agreed to rehab. TMZ reports:

Federline is concerned for Spears' welfare and wants her to get the help she is now seeking. We're also told this will be Spears' last chance -- if she leaves rehab before getting full treatment, Federline will immediately go to court seeking orders allowing him unquestioned full custody of the children. We're told Spears showed up at Federline's house last night and he wouldn't let her in. Sources say the kids are now in the custody of Federline, and have been since last week."

Well, whatever. She's going to come out the same fucked up Britney. It will never work because she's being forced. Just like when I tried to give Keira Knightley an orgasm.

Labels: britney spears, britney spears bald, britney spears rehab

TMZ is reporting that "Baldney Shears" checked back in to rehab today after she was urged by her family members to get her shit together.

Spears entered the facility today. After TMZ posted the news, a rep for the singer told PEOPLE "Britney Spears has voluntarily checked herself into an undisclosed rehab facility today. We ask that the media respect her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time."

Did her family really need to tell her how high she is? How did that conversation go?

Mama Spears: "Britney, you's bald and stoned. And bald."

Britney: "No, I ... I don't think I'm high or bald enough yet."

Mama Spears: "Britney, where's the young'ns?"

Britney: "I snorted them, too, y'all. Okay, I'll takes me a vacation."

Labels: britney spears, britney spears bald, britney spears rehab

Sources close to Britney Spears say her recent public meltdown is due to the fact she is afraid she will lose her two children in a custody battle. Upon arriving in L.A. after leaving an Antigua rehab clinic after one day, Britney briefly visited her two sons before arriving at Esther's Haircutting Studio in Tarzana, California at 6.15pm where she proceeded to shave her head after every hairdresser at the salon refused to do so. Witnesses claim Britney was seen crying for ten minutes prior to entering the studio, and once inside she wasn't much better. Salon owner Esther Tognozzi :

I tried to talk her out of it, but she said, 'No I absolutely want it shaved off now.' Afterwards she looked in the mirror and said with tears in her eyes, 'Oh, my God, I shaved it all off. My mom is going to be so upset with me.'...She was just there in body and not really emotionally there."

Britney then left the salon at approximately 7:00pm then "drove aimlessly around LA for 40 minutes" before arriving at Body and Soul Tattoo at 8:00pm where the first images of her shaved head were captured. With hair still all over her clothes, employees claimed Britney was "screaming and flipping out from the pain" and looking "distraught and disturbed". A witness told Extra:

It did seem a little weird for her head to be shaved...Halfway through she asked for her purse... and she reached in it and pulled out a CD. That CD happened to be Janis Joplin and she asked if we could play it."

Britney left the tattoo parlor at 10:00pm, returned home, then left ten minutes later. At 2:00am, she was spotted at Cedars Sinai Medical Centre in Beverly Hills wearing a dark wig and begging the staff to "help me". She left an hour later and returned home. Less than 24 hours later, Britney was seen chain smoking and lounging poolside at West Hollywood's chic Mondrian hotel with several "dancer looking types" in a blonde wig, the same bikini top she took from the stripper, and a mismatched pink bikini bottom. A source close to Britney said:

"She's going to have no one who cares about her," one said. "Even her security is getting fed up. She keeps running them around town until 4:30 in the morning."

Jesus. If Kevin Federline's lawyer is reading this, congratulations dude. No need to worry with all that "building a case" stuff anymore, just walk in the courtroom and tell the judge to google "Britney Spears." The trial will be over in 5 minutes, because no judge in their right mind would give custody to this basket case. Kevin Federline could walk into the courtroom wearing a Spider-Man costume and carrying a severed head and Britney Spears could still only get supervised visits.



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Labels: britney spears, britney spears bald, britney spears rehab

It appears as though Britney Spears has either officially hit rock bottom or has outed herself as a butch lesbian. Instead of washing her hair or gluing on more extensions, Britney opted to shave her head bald after she returned from her less than a day's stay in rehab. She and her bald head then paid a visit to a tattoo parlor in Sherman Oaks, CA where she got yet another unoriginal tattoo (a pair of red and pink lips on one of her wrists). Is it possible for Britney to get less attractive? Maybe. She could decide brushing her teeth is also too inconvenient and pull all of them out. If showering continues to be a problem, she could peel off all of her skin. See, there's ugly, but there's always uglier.



Thanks to the hundreds of horrified people who emailed us.

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Update: US Magazine is reporting Britney got two unoriginal tattoos. The second one was done on her hip - a black, white and pink cross. And to add to the insanity, they say: "Shop employee Emily Wynne-Hughes tells Usmagazine.com that Britney arrived at the parlor agitated and, when asked why she shaved her head, replied, "I don't want anyone touching me. I'm tired of everybody touching me." Hughes adds, "She wasn't making sense at all and you could tell she's not in a good place at all, and that she is totally freaking out." Yeah, no shit.

Labels: britney spears, britney spears bald, britney spears rehab