Britney Spears is a mentally unstable, drug addict whose everyday life is controlled by her father and the court system because she can't be trusted to act like a fucking adult. Instead of taking responsibility for her life and making the needed changes, Britney has repeated lashed out and acted like an entitled brat. So imagine her surprise when she found out on January 22 that her father's court-ordered rule over her life, which went into effect on January 31, 2008, might never end. National Enquirer reports:

...when the father and daughter arrived back at Britney's home, she "tore into him like a mad woman," divulged a source. "Her bodyguards had to physically restrain her from hitting Jamie. It was a terrible scene. Britney was totally out of control." The 28-year-old performer had been hoping to speak to the judge privately during the hearing, which was closed to the public, but her request was denied. Instead, she listened as her doctors gave Jamie credit for her progress over the past year. They also told the court Britney still wasn't capable of handling her own medical care or personal life. On the way home, Britney called ex-husband Kevin Federline and told him "she wants to flee the country with the boys," divulged the source. Fearing she may try to run, Jamie has hired two more bodyguards. One is posted outside Britney's bedroom door 24 hours a day, according to the source. Britney is so angry,she has tried to break several pieces of surveillance equipment used to monitor her. "Her family is very worried because Britney hasn't acted out like this in a long time," added the source. "They fear she will do something desperate."

At this point, I have no idea why they just don't leave a trail of bacon-wrapped Reese's peanut butter cups to the top of a volacano, then paint the volacano to make it look like a giant burrito with a sign at the top that says "Enter", then just drop Britney off and watch her run up. It just seems more economically viable that way.

Hey, remember in history class when they reminded you of the time you would have opened fire on a school bus for the chance to stick your tongue in Britney's ass? Yeah, me too:

I've been getting emails for five years telling me that "OMG suck it h8rZ briT BriT is comin back she iz tHe Qu33n of music!! She iz gettin in shape and her new CD iz the best and she will domonatttee tHe radio again bitchessss!!!". None of this has actually happened of course, but for some reason Britney was invited to the Grammys where her dumpy ass and receding hairline wore the most provocative dress of 1993. And before you email me, please remember that you are defending a psychotic, talentless drug addict who voluntarily gave up her kids to stay famous then proved how much she loved them by holding them hostage. A singer whose actual singing voice has to be filtered through alien technology and magic and is only famous because guys wanted to fuck her from 1999 to 2003. I hope that clears up any misconceptions you might have.


NOTE: And you thought I was kidding:

"laugh all you want BritBrit is a game changer. she doesnt wear the clothes, she makes them iconic statements. thats what this is.
BritBrit is a fashion icon and fashion icons arnt understood by the mass idiots who wear snuggies and crocs. she just left the rehearsal studio and shows up ready to rock!!!!!!!
and the nexxt day everyone wants to work their wardrobe the same way- YOU WISH.
rock lives on with Britney! all of the h8rz forget how to rock. Britney spends her days rockin it and livin it 4 reelz on the edge!!!!!!!!!!!"

Photographers in Miami were able to capture the elusive beauty known as Britney Spears this weekend. "It was once believed that beauty like this was a myth and would never reveal itself to mankind," a leading scientist was quoted as saying.

You can draw your own conclusions on the mental stability of people who call themselves Britney Spears' fans, but one of them commented over and overa lot of them commented on this post because they were angry that I made fun of her after she was seen leaving a gym. So I wonder what kind of vertical traction machines and yoga classes this Starbucks has, because again, Britney looks like complete shit. That's because Britney always looks like shit. She's Britney Spears. I could be attacked by a werewolf, and I could still pick out a better change of clothes than this hillbilly. You could throw a bra or a bottle of conditioner at her and she would just dive behind the couch before coming out after a few minutes to poke them with a stick.

Who only knows why Britney Spears is walking around with greasy extension and a t-shirt that says "Dick" on it? But if I had to guess, I'd say it was to remind us of Britney's timeless beauty. I must admit, sometimes I take it for granted.

And I say that like it's a bad thing. National Enquirer reports:

Britney and ex-husband Kevin Federline briefly reunited during the holidays two years ago — and Britney got pregnant, say sources. But when Britney told Kevin about the baby, he denied being the father and accused her of sleeping around — and a despondent Britney had an abortion...“Britney fights depression every Christmas season, but this Christmas has been one of the worst for her,” maintained another source...“I killed my baby!” she cried during a recent emotional meltdown, an insider told The ENQUIRER.

IDLYITW doesn't miss any opportunity to call Britney Spears fat, but sometimes are hard-hitting Mark Ebner-like investigative reporting pays off. Like here and here. Was she pregnant? Um, who cares? To reiterate, it's parents were gonna be Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. It's not like the baby was gonna grow up to find the cure for AIDS or invent a time machine. At best, he would win $50 on a scratch off ticket he stole from the gas station he robbed for meth and beer money.

For the lulz:



Britney at JFK on December 21st. I mean, seriously, who wouldn't want to get this pregnant?

I have no idea who directed the original video for Britney Spears' 3 and this cut, but he must be some mystical warlock or lord of illusion with powers over reality itself, because he just made me want to fuck Britney Spears just now:

Why you shouldn't eat cheetos:

Britney Spears and her kids are on the January 2010 cover of Elle, and I'm glad to see the editors were able to get that purchasing order approved for the Photoshop that Tony Stark invented. These hillbillies shouldn't be on the cover of Dog Fancy much less a fashion magazine. I'm gonna sound like an asshole, but all kids aren't precious adorable angels sent from heaven. Some look like this. If these were my kids, I wouldn't have them in hair and makeup for a photoshoot, I'd have them in a shed feeding them mustard biscuits. Or french fried taters. I reckon they'll take a large.