Britney Spears is getting sued. TMZ reports:

Britney Spears allegedly defrauded a company that hooked her up with Elizabeth Arden in a deal that made Britney a fortune ... this according to a $10 million lawsuit obtained by TMZ.

Brand Sense Partners, LLC claims it had a deal with Brit in which the company would get 35% of Britney's profits in return for securing a perfume contract with Elizabeth Arden.

According to the suit obtained by TMZ, Britney and her dad defrauded Brand Sense by entering into a secret deal with Elizabeth Arden, allegedly robbing Brand Sense of millions in the marketing of her perfume, Radiance.

The suit claims Brand Sense caught Jamie "red-handed" in circumventing their deal.

The lawsuit seeks more than $10 million in damages.

I'm glad that the lawsuit claims that Jamie Spears is responsible for this instead of Britney, who can't be held responsible to tie her own shoes. I don't know why they'd want any part of Britney's perfumes to begin with. They're cheap, tacky, and smell a lot like what the banner picture suggests: gas, grease, and a touch of gutter.

Images from WENN.

Yesterday, between Albuterol treatments, Britney Spears announced on Good Morning America that she would be embarking on a summer co-headlining tour with Enrique Iglesias to promote her seventh album, Femme Fatale. Yet mere hours before Live Nation was scheduled to post concert dates, Enrique said whatever is Spanish for, "Damn, she's really fat, huh? Just tell them my mom died or something. Or I drowned in a flood. Pass the salsa." TMZ reports:

Enrique Iglesias dropped out of the upcoming Britney Spears concert tour because his ego couldn't handle being her opening act ... multiple sources connected with the tour tell TMZ. We're told lawyers and agents for Britney and Enrique were hammering out an agreement for weeks, and the terms were finessed to make Enrique appear to be a co-headliner. We're told both sides agreed to the deal and that's why the announcement was made Tuesday. But just hours before Britney's camp went public, Enrique was burning up the phone lines and the Internet, engaging various people connected with the tour in lengthy conversations in which he made it clear -- he was, in reality, Britney's opening act and he wanted out. One source says the deal was actually very favorable to Enrique ... "great terms and great placement." But we're told it all came down to taking the stage before Brit -- too much to handle.

I don't know. That's kind of a dick move. I mean, who wouldn't want to tour with Britney? It's almost Easter. I'd do it for the giant barbecue-flavored chocolate Easter Bunny alone.

Britney Spears performed on Good Morning America in San Francisco this morning. And by "performed" I mean stood perfectly still and walked around and occasionally moved her arms and struggled to bend her fat ass over. Can't she just be like Adele and sit in a chair the whole time from now on? She looked like a mom on Toddlers and Tiaras doing her daughter's routine from the side of the stage.

Following her head shaving meltdown, Britney Spears' handlers have new rules for working on her video sets. TMZ got a copy:

TMZ has obtained a non-disclosure agreement (NDA) that dancers were required to sign before working on her latest music video. It specifically states, "Contractor acknowledges that it is essential that [Britney] not be exposed to any alcohol, drugs, or controlled substances."

The NDA even goes on to say that the dancers can be subjected to drug testing at any time and can be fired for failing a test or even refusing to take one.

I'm not sure what's so shocking and controversial about this, especially since most jobs require a drug test before you get hired. I'm just surprised there weren't also stipulations about umbrellas, Cheetos, Red Bull, butter beans, triple-venti-extra-whip-and-caramel, creepy Middle Eastern paparazzi, or virile wiggers.

On Friday, Britney Spears' new single, Hold It Against Me, was released, and I pointed out that it sounded exactly like another song. The people who wrote that song in 1979 also pointed that out. To their lawyers. Daily Mail reports:

The video for her new single Hold It Against Me debuted just last week but Britney Spears and the first song from her new album has certainly made an impact, although perhaps not in the way she was hoping for. In fact, the 29-year-old singer is being accused of plagiarism and is facing a multi-million dollar lawsuit. Britney is accused of ‘ripping off’ the rock ballad If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me by the Bellamy Brothers. The American singers claim Britney’s song is too close to their own 1979 hit which topped the charts in six countries, and David and Howard Bellamy are set to met with lawyers, according to reports. David, 60, told The Daily Star: ‘Howard and I have no personal beef with Britney. She’s a talented gal. But professionally we feel completely ripped off. ‘We will without doubt take the appropriate legal action if our attorneys agree we’ve been ripped off.’

I don't think the Bellamy Brothers are on psychotropic meds and have regular hissy fits on Twitter where they overreach, so it's hard to know if they are serious or not about legal action. Although, it might be difficult to prosecute Britney. Mostly because of that banner picture. Anybody with eyes that far apart can only be trusted to know how to stalk teenagers in the woods, not have the mental capacity to understand all this legal mumbo jumbo. I truly believe Britney thinks "attorney" means some sort of horseshoe throwing competition.

Note: Since everybody is suing, somebody should call The Cardigans about this Justin Bieber song.

Since 2006, we've been getting emails that say stuff like "OmG hATerZ! bRiTNeE iZ g0nNa c0mE bAcK anD prUv ALL oF U wR0nG!!" They ramble on like that for a while. You know, just like the months and years in which Britney Spears, in fact, does not make a comeback. So here is her new song. And as one might expect, it's god awful. Not only because it was already made in 1979, but we get to see Britney dance. And by "dance" I mean shuffle around in between inhaler and Hot Pocket breaks. Christ, can't we just all agree that the only thing anybody needs to hold against Britney is a semi-automatic to put her out of her misery? Or just send her to Alaska so Eskimos can hunt her for her meat and oil.

On Wednesday, Star Magazine ran a story (RadarOnline provided the audio), that claimed Britney's boyfriend beat her. Well, I do declare! That just dills Britney's pickle! Us Weekly reports:

Britney Spears wants to make one thing clear: Jason Trawick never laid a hand on her. "Star Magazine, Radar Online, Jason Alexander and the rest of you liars, yawl can kiss my lily white southern Louisiana ass!" the singer, 29, tweeted Thursday. The biting statement comes on the heels of a Star report that alleges Spears reached out to ex Jason Alexander after Trawick, 38, allegedly "beat her."

As you might have already guessed....LAWSUIT!

"It's amazing that Star continues to try to defend their story by putting out more and more pieces of a fraudulent recording. Everyone knows it is not her," Spears' manager Larry Rudolph tells Us. "The more they put out, the more ridiculous they look. The lawyers are drawing up the legal papers right now; there will 100 percent be a lawsuit. We are suing."

My first reaction was "How much to Britney pay Jason Alexander to plant this story so she could be painted as a helpless victim and not look like an unhinged lunatic anymore?", but then a little girl in pigtails riding a tricycle with a bear cub in the basket pulled up to me. Then the bear cub handed me a daisy and patted me on the hand. Then the little girl gave me a card with macaroni glued on it that spelled out, "Smile! Jesus Loves You!" I don't know. Sometimes I just care too much.

Jason Trawick, Britney Spears' agent-boyfriend-fiance, has been largely credited with helping Britney salvage her career(?) and repair her public persona by keeping her locked in a cage and only letting her out to go to Starbucks and the beach. Tabloids told us that it was his love and trust that calmed Britney down and made her more responsible. I wonder which fist "love" is tattooed on? Probably the right.
Star Magazine reports:

In our Dec. 13 issue, on sale today, Britney's former husband Jason Alexander tells Star that the pop princess confided to him that Trawick beat her — on multiple occasions. "Britney is in an abusive relationship," the entertainer's first husband says in a detailed interview with Star. "She told me her life had turned into a nightmare." Childhood friends Britney and Alexander stayed in touch after their 55-hour marriage was annulled in 2004. But their casual texts, phone calls and emails took a dark turn when she recently confided that Trawick "hit her so hard it gave her a black eye," Alexander says. And the abuse wasn't a solitary incident, Alexander tells Star in our issue. Nor was it the only jaw-dropping secret the megastar told her ex! She also revealed that she had been pregnant with Trawick’s child earlier this year, Alexander says. Alexander says he's telling this story because he's "really concerned" for Britney who he feels is “telling me these secrets as a way of getting out of this.

Where I can see how park rangers would punch Britney in the face to keep her from pilfering food from campsites, this may be the only time in the history of IDLYITW that I feel sorry for Britney. If this is true, of course. Because the voice on the phone call doesn't really even sound like Britney, mostly because the audio recording is filled with phrases and words combined to make complete sentences. And there's no mention of a honey baked ham or a chocolate dipping sauce at all. Or a rollback sale. Or mason jar. Quite frankly, star really needs to do a better job of selling this whole thing to me.

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice." - Jason Trawick (allegedly)