We've been experiencing technical issues all day today, so sorry about wishing you Happy New Year for two days now. We apparently really meant it. Anyway, all the crap we've been working on this morning will be up soon, so please stop sending me emails about my mother. I know you think you're upset about not seeing any new posts today, but just take a look at Sad Britney! She can hardly believe it!

Britney Spears is a borderline personality and mother of two who a court decided sucked at life so they appointed her father to make sure she didn't attack a car with an umbrella or hold her kids hostage again, so it was only a matter of time before the gentleman callers came calling. Aww yeah, baby! The lucky guy this time is Indian choreographer and Bollywood dance instructor, Sandip Soparrkar (this handsome devil). The pair met at a party thrown by Madonna earlier this year, and Britney liked him so much that she hired him to choreograph her Womanizer video. Then bang him of course. Mirror reports:

Britney, 27, even flew to Jodhpur for a romantic three-day Christmas break with Sandip who is a pin-up in his native India. The couple, who have been dating for three weeks, exchanged homemade pressies under the tree. Our source reveals: "It's early days but their romance is going from strength to strength. Britney and Sandip tried to keep their reunion in India hush-hush as they're determined to have a relationship just like any other couple. Sandip is very down to earth and keeps Britney grounded. He’s also quite spiritual and sensitive, which is a side of him she adores. For Christmas, Sandip – or Sandy as Britney calls him – presented her with a traditional Indian sari. She wore it during a candlelit dinner. The pair were whispering and giggling all night. Sandy ordered local delicacies including chicken tikka and a cottage cheese curry. Britney was nicking the dough balls from his plate. It was really cute."

Man, this could actually work. Britney wrapped in a sheet that's supposed to be clothes and eating food off other people's plates? Wow. Sounds like Britney just found true love.

When they break up after Britney tries to put curry on this dude's cat, and she will, Britney should totally remake this song. How romantic!

Britney photoshopped in the January 2009 issue of Glamour:

Britney Spears will probably kill someone [Dlisted]
Pamela Anderson is a classic beauty [Hollywood Tuna]
Portia de Rossi loves her wife [Just Jared]
Lily Allen is see through (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Danielle Lloyd's topless Christmas (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
John Mayer hates Jennifer Aniston's dogs [Socialite Life]
The Day Laughter Died (Yes Man) [Pajiba]
Madonna is doing it with Jesus [Hollywood Rag]
Brangelina collector plates are here [City Rag]
Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are doing more photo-ops [Popsugar]
Hilary Duff's Maxim outtakes [Popoholic]
Eva Mendes is kinda see through [Egotastic]
Robert Pattinson cuts hair, makes Twilight losers cry [Lainey Gossip]
Morgan Freeman Covers "One Week" [College Humor]

Being a drunken mess is kinda Lily Allen's thing, but thanks to her, Britney Spears' annoying ass song, Womanizer, is now tolerable. I think it might have something to do with the fact that Lily Allen can actually sing and the music doesn't sound like something you'd hear at an android gay bar.


Photos: Splash

I can't even grasp the fact that this video of Britney Spears sweetly kissing her son and wishing me a Merry Christmas is even real. I might as well be watching a video of an unfrozen caveman doing calculus, because this time last year, Britney was wearing a pink wig and flashing her fur covered ass at Starbucks. If you would have told me that 12 months later Britney would be allowed in the same room as her kids, I would have punched you in the stomach and called you a fag, because it would've been obvious to everyone that you were lying.

Britney on December 9th:

Britney Spears did her birthday better last year [Dlisted]
Heidi Klum has a new MILF-do [Hollywood Tuna]
Madonna isn't crying for Argentina [Popsugar]
Michael Jackson's kids tell all [City Rag]
Britney Spears wants to marry again [Hollywood Rag]
Vanessa Carbone is topless for the whales [Drunken Stepfather]
Raica Oliveira has nipples (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Adriana Lima's miracle bra photoshoot [Popoholic]
No suh! Ya Movie is Wicked Crap (What Doesn’t Kill You) [Pajiba]
Scarlett Johansson is strawberry [Lainey Gossip]
Abbey Clancy does FHM [Egotastic]
Scott Ruffalo shot in the head [Just Jared]
Tila Tequila rambles something to her haters [Socialite Life]

Kevin Federline has been virtually silent since his divorce from Britney Spears last year, but in a new interview with People he finally speaks:

"What went wrong?
It's hard enough to be in a marriage, and then have a kid, then kids, it changes everything. For me, I'd become more concerned with my children. Not that I ignored Britney, but my kids are always most important ... I mean, we were having complications. I didn't give her an ultimatum, but I was trying to work stuff out with her, and she didn't even talk to me or anything and went behind my back and filed [for divorce]. [I was] completely blindsided.

A lot of people assumed you fought for custody of the kids because of money.
My first question to [my lawyer] was, "Am I ever going to be able to see my children?" I told him that I would spend every last dime that I had to make sure that my children are okay. That's all that mattered. I didn't know how much power Britney had. That really scared me.

How did you react in January when Britney locked herself in the bathroom with Jayden and was later taken to the hospital on a gurney?
That whole night is a blur. You want to talk about one of my lowest points of depression, that was probably one of them. I was very, very worried for her 'cause I care about her. That's the mother of my children. Just because I'm not in love with her doesn't mean that I don't love her. I'm definitely rooting for her. There's nothing more that I want than for her to be in the best health and doing what she loves to do.

Are things getting better?
Oh, man, it's totally turning around. It works out that [the kids] get to see her. There's structure over there, there's structure at my house. We're trying to keep the same type of schedule. It doesn't have to be completely perfect, but the foundation is there."

Is People sure this was Kevin Federline? They might want to confirm that. Because I've read through this whole thing twice and nowhere does anybody mention cornrows or waterbongs.

Britney performing on Good Morning America (her kids look happy to be there):



Britney at her birthday party at Tenjune in New York City last night:


Photos: GMA pics - Splash

Dear Santa: You Still Suck. (Four Christmases) [Pajiba]
Joaquin Phoenix is MC Bye Good [Lainey Gossip]
Dax Shepard is a dick [Dlisted]
Lindsay Lohan hardcore lesbian legging [Hollywood Tuna]
A-Rod goes to Madonna's concert [Popsugar]
Paris Hilton has enormous dogs [City Rag]
Courtney Love admits she did drugs while she was pregnant [Hollywood Rag]
Abigail Clancy does FHM [Drunken Stepfather]
Shenae Grimes has a Starbucks photo-op [Just Jared]
Anna Friel upskirt (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Helen Tucker does Maxim UK [Popoholic]
Beyonce and her blonde wig get Photoshopped again [Egotastic]

Video above: Sycophancy.