Studies have shown that the only way these pictures could get any more redneck is if Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears were driving through a Wal-Mart in a stock car with jugs with Xs on them in the trunk and shooting at possums.

Although they are in the midst of a heated custody battle, sources say Britney Spears and her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, are staying in regular contact. And by "regular contact" I mean "phone sex." Ewww. Star Magazine reports:

Recently, when Britney was having a sleepless night, she decided to call Kevin at nearly 2 a.m. While they initially chatted about their boys - Preston, 2, and Jayden, 20 months - the conversation shifted. And as Britney hoped, Kevin knew exactly how to tire her out - with hours of erotic talk! "They have phone sex often - at least once a week," an insider tells Star. "The one thing those two have in common is their need for sex, and after they get going, there are no holds barred."

I can see how this could take K-Fed a few hours. That new Paula Deen cookbook is pretty thick.

Britney at a recording studio last night:

Britney Spears was the big winner yesterday as Commissioner Scott Gordon, the judge presiding over a hearing in her ongoing child custody case, greatly increased Britney's visitation rights to three per week with weekly overnight visits to start within a month. Stating he was impressed with...oh, dear God help us. TMZ reports:

Sources close to the custody case tell TMZ Britney Spears will get three days supervised visitation a week, significantly more face time than she gets now. It is unclear whether she has overnights with the kids. A source close to the fam tells us Brit is aiming to get back 50/50 custody by August. We've also learned Britney will spend Mother's Day with the kids."

Pretending that the last two years never happened, everyone is surprisingly optimisitic:

New York Daily News reports:

We are so pleased with Britney's progress, and we are very appreciative of the court's recognition of this progress," her parents said in a statement. Even Federline lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan had something nice to say: The longer visits are "recognition of progress that has been made," Kaplan said. "It's a cautious step, but a step nonetheless," he added."

Please keep in mind that the only reason any "progress has been made" is because Britney's father took her cars and money away and had her on lock down like a prison riot. Britney is seemingly normal now because she really didn't have much choice. Four months ago, Britney was in a padded room talking to demons and trying to get pregnant by her stalker, so it's not like the bar was set real high. Britney could've spent the last two months in a coma and it would have been considered a step up.

Britney at Jamie Lynn's baby shower this weekend:

Since becoming Britney Spears' co-conservator in February Britney's father, Jamie Spears, has done a commendable job of keeping Britney chained up long enough to stop her from running over her kids or getting gangbanged by paparazzi, but it may have been too late to save Britney's money. How late? Hold on to your fucking hat. In Touch Weekly reports:

Jamie must have learned just how much of a toll Britney's crazy behavior, which started in February 2007 when she shaved her head, has had on her bank account - she's lost nearly $61 million. "It's staggering how much money has been used up," a family friend says. In addition to the enormous tab for legal bills, rehab and psychiatric care, Britney's inability to work has cost her a fortune. "By not touring for her last album [Blackout], she lost out on $50 million," estimates Robert Bianchi, an LA-based CPA who isn't an accountant for Britney. Jamie hired his own accountants to sort out the money mess and bring an end to the 26-year-old's excessive spending. "It's been quite a challenge getting things under control," the insider says."

Jesus, $61 million in a year? Aren't we supposed to be in a recession? Holy shit. I could move to Thailand right now and get a daily delivery of a van full of virgins and fresh dolphin steaks sauteed in cord blood for the next 20 years and at worst I'd come back to America with $59 million. Britney Spears has worn the same boots every day for the past two years. The only way she could have wasted this money faster is if she used it to put out a fire.

Britney working out at Bally Total Fitness yesterday:

Nobody gives a damn about Britney Spears anymore (the paparazzi that used to stalk her are now stalking Miley Cyrus), so I wonder if there was something she could do to make people barely remember they used to care about her? Oh I know, how about walk out of a sauna at Bally Total Fitness in LA to get some water in only a towel in front of photographers? That should do it. Or Britney really, really hopes it does. Because tying her kids to the grill of her car and plowing down PCH would just take too long. And Britney doesn't have that kinda time.

Be sure to check out Britney's workout! A whole 52 seconds on the treadmill, how does she do it?!:



Update: Images removed per ALLEGED copyright holder's request.

Britney Spears has reportedly kept a video diary chronicling all her problems for the last six months. She is now threatening to release them online or on MTV.

As well as rants about her mom, dad, sister Jamie Lynn, and friends, the singer, 26, reveals intimate information about her ex, Justin Timberlake, and her rivalry with Christina Aguilera. "Britney's video diaries are the talk of the Tinseltown elite," a source said. "Her high-profile friends and exes - including Justin - knew what she was up to but assumed she was filming herself as a form of therapy. If she does decide to go public with the footage, it'll be explosive. "Although some of it is really sad to watch - especially the parts where she's close to breakdown - others are dynamite. Not surprisingly both JT and Kevin Federline are terrified the material will end up all over the net. "Or, even worse, Britney will agree to another MTV documentary, and release some of the footage through official channels."

The Tinseltown elite doesn't care about a bloated unfit mother with multiple personalities, and Britney Spears has no friends, so this source sounds way more optimistic than he should be. Britney's an idiot, there's no possible way anything she says could be remotely lucid or interesting. Besides, Britney doesn't even know how to work a child's car seat. Good luck with her figuring out a technological marvel like the video camera. It'll probably be just hours of her rambling to the lens cap about her dog's dreams or how she thinks the McRib would taste better with a gooey chocolate center.

Britney and her babysitters leaving a recording studio yesterday:


Source

Of course nothing will be better than this (thanks Sarah!):

Britney Spears' dad took her vehicles and driving privileges away when a judge agreed that Britney failed at life, so imagine what would happen if they let Britney drive again. If you guessed "three car accident," congratulations! Reuters reports:

Britney Spears triggered a minor accident on a freeway in Los Angeles' San Fernando Valley on Saturday evening, but no one was injured and no tickets issued, a California Highway Patrol official said. The 26-year-old pop singer, whose career has been buried under an avalanche of personal and health problems, rear-ended a car in stop-and-go traffic after she failed to stop her Mercedes in time, said CHP Officer Patrick Kimball. The rear-ended car, driven by a man identified as "J. Flint," in turn pushed forward into another car, the CHP collision report said. The driver of the third car observed no damage, and drove off, the CHP incident report said."

TMZ says Britney was putting on makeup at the time of the accident, so yeah, Britney's a moron. I swear, people in the state of California should be allowed to put ejection seats in their cars so whenever they see Britney Spears behind the wheel so they have the option of an alternate route.

Britney Spears' bank account has been a broken dam the last two years, so to help solve that, her re-hired manager has been pitching a Britney Spears reality to show to every major network. The show will reportedly capture Brit's day-to-day life, document her struggles to make a comeback, and make me kill myself. The National Enquirer reports:

She believes a reality show is a no-brainer. She can be herself and not have to study lines…Several production companies are interested in a Britney reality show and are willing to pay her millions."..."Larry wants to get Britney back in the game and earning money."

If this would have debuted about two years ago this would have been must-see-tv, but Britney is basically on house arrest now so good luck with all that. Thirty minutes of a bunch rednecks sitting around a mansion having turkey shoots and pig pickins might not be the pot of gold you have in mind.

Britney on lockdown a couple days ago:


Guest starring, the 16 year old knocked up sister: