In the new issue of Star, they claim to have all the details as to what exactly happened inside Jamie Lynn Spears' delivery room. And by "details," I mean "lies":

The baby's heart rate dropped every time she tried to push," a family insider tells Star. "They did an ultrasound and quickly discovered that the umbilical cord was too short." But despite the doctors' dire warnings, the 17-year-old "was adamant about having a natural delivery." Everyone in the room at Southwest Mississippi Regional Medical Center in McComb, Miss., pleaded with Jamie Lynn to listen to the doctors - including big sister Britney. Brit had already been with Jamie Lynn for hours, massaging her back as she endured painful contractions. "But she got mad," says the insider. She told Jamie Lynn to "just have a damn Caesarian," as she did. "Britney then ran out in tears because she couldn't bear to see what was happening."

Jamie Lynn Spears had her baby on June 19th at 9:30 am, so unless Britney Spears can tell the future, it seems there might be a reason why Britney was photographed with her dad at LAX boarding a flight to Louisiana on June 18th. And leaving LAX on June 20th. To find out more, reserve your copy of "Why 17-Year Olds Aren't Adamant About Having a Natural Delivery" today!

Britney and her best friends yesterday at Fred Segal:

Britney Spears walked around outside her house in Beverly Hills yesterday, and from what I can tell, nobody has told her that she should never ever wear a bikini. Ever. Nine years ago, I would have shot my parents in the face to get in that. Now, I just want to shoot that propane tank. If I did, I'm pretty sure the city of Beverly Hills would give me some kind of award. Like the key to the city or a parade. And several corporations around the world would offer me the glamorous position of Senior Vice President of Lookin' Suave. I'm the man!

There have been rumors for weeks now that Britney Spears is pregnant, and these pictures taken at the West Hollywood restaurant, Sur, on Monday night aren't helping end those rumors. The dumb bitch looks pregnant. Either that or Sur makes a bacon cake. Understand that this is Britney Spears, so either of those could be considered reasonable scenarios.

Britney Spears is in Las Vegas for something I don't know or care about, but luckily for us, she showed up at her hotel's pool this weekend in a bikini. Man, who knows why she was trying to cover up that sexy body. She probably didn't want to cause riots in the streets because of her hotness, I bet. Normal people just wouldn't be able to take it. It would be just like that movie, The Happening, but with way more erections.

Already having spent time together in Costa Rica, Britney Spears and Mel Gibson met again last night at the Grand Havana Room, an exclusive Beverly Hills cigar bar. People reports:

For more than two-and-a-half hours, the singer, 26, and the actor-filmmaker, 52, met in what was confirmed to PEOPLE as a more of an ongoing guidance session than a business pow-wow."

Two-and-a-half hours? Really? Britney can't pay attention for five minutes. I have a feeling this is gonna take a lot of work if he plans on teaching her how to hate the Jews.

Adnan Ghalib, Britney Spears' paparazzi ex-boyfriend, claims he has received death threats and has actually been stabbed after it was revealed that he was attempting to shop a sex tape featuring himself and Britney Spears. Is sex with Britney Spears punishable by death? Looks like your penis was right! Ghalib says:

Yes, I was injured by an attacker. This is still being investigated. "I can't say much about the cowardly attack other than: a) you better come a lot stronger than that if you want to make a point and b) most will be surprised by those behind it. "I have had many calls about it from all over the world. In light of the constant calls about the sex tape and threats, I'm taking a break from the industry and keeping a low profile."

"Better come a lot harder than that"? Um, you were stabbed, jackass. I don't know where that stands on the make a point pyramid, but I assume it has to be pretty high. But good job on telling them to bring a gun next time. Hopefully that'll work out for you. Studies have shown that when it comes to coming, those tend to do it a lot harder.

Britney Spears at the gym on June 2nd:

Who knows why all these private pictures of Britney Spears from 2007 are just hitting online now (more here), but if I had to guess, I'd say they were to remind us of Britney's timeless beauty. I must admit, sometimes I take it for granted.

For some reason, Britney Spears had a meeting with (Merv) Griffin Entertainment yesterday, and in case you didn't want to believe this dumb bitch was pregnant again, sorry. Either she's pregnant or she just swallowed a baby. The good news is that this meeting probably went well because Britney wore this sexy satin dress. With no bra. I feel like I should call out to her nipples because they've swum past the buoy, but I'm just too busy being turned on right now. Damn, why you so sexy Britney?