The biggest story this morning was about Jake Gyllenhaal going to a bath house. In other really surprising news, Brooklyn Decker still has an insane rack. I know, I couldn't believe it either!

Here's video stills from Brooklyn Decker's new photoshoot with GQ. As you might have noticed, you can't really see her face, but my source at GQ informed me that seeing her face wasn't exactly the point of the photoshoot.

Apparently God doesn't answer big tittied model's prayers, because Brooklyn Decker was at the US Open on Friday with a courtside seat to see her husband, Andy Roddick, get completely annihilated (6-2, 6-1, 6-3; 22 forehand winners to Roddick's 0) by Rafael Nadal. And although that may sound really bad, please keep in mind that at least Andy Roddick has never agreed to be in a Jennifer Aniston movie.

These pictures start off really hopeful, but when you get to the end you can tell Brooklyn probably told Andy Roddick she had a headache later that night.

I can think of worse things than Brooklyn Decker's legs wrapped around my head. Namely, Brooklyn Decker's legs not wrapped around my head. But since I'm not a rapidly declining tennis player, I will post these pictures of her at the ESPYS last night. I could write more, but Google Maps says I have to take a left here in my van with the blacked out windows. We're finally gonna get to go on our date I told her about in all those letters. I bet she's super excited!

I was going to post the pic of Brooklyn Decker in one of Michael Lohan's shirts last week when I first saw it, but I realized it was old then (she's a soccer mom now), but then I realized it was new to me. Then I realized I had been lying to myself and about my life and where it was going. Do I commit myself fully to Civil War miniatures? Or do I fit myself into society's norms by enrolling at DeVry? "But Todd, their degree programs are designed to match current market needs and your coursework will prepare you for real challenges you'll face in the workplace", friends and family often say. But can they match the challenge that is in my heart?

Brooklyn Decker is in the new issue of Esquire, and as you can see, she obviously does her laundry naked. But only under very specific circumstances. Like when there's a camera around and the check clears beforehand.

Like a Mexican not wearing cutoff jean shorts at the beach, it's weird to see Brooklyn Decker not in a bikini (BAM!) (BAM AGAIN!) (EVEN MORE BAM!). First the UNC thing, then the soccer mom haircut, and now a dress. It's almost like she's trying not to give me an erection. What's her deal? I can look at her right now and nothing. Nothoohh-o-oohhhhhh. Ohhh. Ohhh...mmmm..ohhh. Ohh. Nevermind. Move along.

Brooklyn Decker is still in Miami and she was thoughtful enough to pack more than one bikini. But if the mom haircut wasn't enough the first time, who is this damn kid? C'mon, Brooklyn. You know this site is no place for kids.