It's amazing when loves blooms naturally between a 54 year old man and a 30 year old woman. Just like it did with Bruce Willis and Emma Heming. Their eyes meet across the cafe then the strangers become lovers. Except in this case, Bruce Willis saw her headshot first and coerced casting to bring her to work at the cafe. Page Six reports:

"During the casting of 'Perfect Stranger' [the suspense movie Willis made with Halle Berry two years ago], Bruce was very involved with the casting. In fact, you could say he was extremely involved no matter how minor the role." At Willis' request, calls were placed to modeling agencies to fill the roles of extras and minor speaking parts. Our casting source said, "He personally went through head shots and when the girls were called in to 'read,' he was there in the meeting. It was odd for the star of a movie to do so, but at the time he was single and I guess he needed a date." The casting sessions/blind dates went well enough. "He started dating [model] Tamara Feldman, with whom he coincidentally enough had a sex scene," our insider said. Then, Heming was selected for a small speaking part. Willis "started dating both Tamara and Emma but obviously, Emma eventually won out," the source said.

In other news, I was at Bed, Bath & Beyond yesterday and I picked out the most gorgeous lattice table linen! I guess Bruce Willis and I are just living the dream!

Apparently tired of years of banging young Hollywood ass, Bruce Willis, 54, married his model/actress girlfriend, Emma Heming, 32, on Saturday at his Turks and Caicos islands estate. E! Online reports:

Guests at the Caribbean wedding included Willis' ex-wife, Demi Moore, and her husband, Ashton Kutcher. The Live Free or Die Hard actor, 54, and the 32-year-old British model met through friends and began dating last year. Willis' publicist tells E! that the couple will have a civil ceremony when they return to California. Bruce and Demi were married for 13 years before splitting in 2000. Their three daughters, Rumer, 20, Scout, 17, and Tallulah, 15, also attended the wedding.

Ashton Kutcher is 32 and married to something held together by duct tape and science (Demi Moore has had over $500K worth of plastic surgery), yet Bruce Willis is 52 and has been inside more young pussy than a veterinarian. I have no idea what it's gonna be like at Bruce's funeral, but I think they should cut off his penis and place it on one of those velvet pillows and drive it around in a parade car behind a marching band and girls twirling batons.

Family/tits:

I rather watch zombies serve my torso at a picnic than see House Bunny, but a lot of hot ass showed up at the premiere last night, and in case you missed it, scouring the Internet for pictures of "hot ass" is kinda my job description. That is, of course, until I can find a way to start getting paid to just think about hot ass. Toddco* has a solid business plan, but apparently potential investors fail to see how masturbating constitutes a core competency. Insolent fools!

* A division of Handsome Industries, Inc.

Guests at Ashton Kutcher's 30th birthday party at Socialista on February 7th, who included Demi Moore, Madonna, Lucy Liu, Salma Hayek, Kate Hudson and Bruce Willis, have been urged to get tested and vaccinated for hepatitis after an employee at the West Village nightspot was diagnosed with the disease. Page Six reports:

A Socialista bartender named Leif, who's now in the hospital, was diagnosed with a raging case of Hep A. We're told the Health Department yesterday visited the club that former Bungalow 8 doorman Armin Armiri opened last fall, but Armiri said, "We're not closed down, we're just concerned for our customers."

That's weird, because if they wanted me to get concerned, with the exception of Bruce Willis, they should've come up with a better list of names than this. Madonna and Lucy Liu might have hepatitis? Oh my, heavens no! Are they all right? Will they be okay? Will Lucy Liu's agent still be able to cast her as fourth alternate in the next Gwen Stefani video? Man, I sure do hope so!

Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Rumer Willis, and Salma Hayek last night:

I swear to God I'm going to convert to Hinduism and throw myself in front of a truck, then cross my fingers and pray that I come back as Bruce Willis. This dude is 52 years old and has banged some of the hottest chicks on earth. Now, it looks like his vagina train has stopped at Karen McDougal, 1998's Playmate of the Year. I have no idea what it's gonna be like at Bruce's funeral, but I think they should cut off his penis and put in on one of those velvet pillows and drive it around in a parade car.

Bruce Willis and Karen McDougal in Italy on August 7th:


Here's Karen McDougal naked, if you're interested (NSFW):

A celeb photographer suffered three cracked ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and a concussion after two friends of Rumer Willis brutally attacked him when he had the audacity to take Willis' picture as she was leaving the ESPY Awards after party. TMZ reports:

...According to witnesses on scene, one of the men allegedly tripped a photographer who was attempting to take pix of the star. As the stunned shutterbug got up and tried to identify the culprit, we're told another friend of the wannabe-bodyguards grabbed the photog by the head and slammed him to the ground head first, knocking him out and causing convulsions."

Rumer Willis looks a like male Demi Moore impersonator, so you'd think she'd wet her panties if somebody willingly pointed a camera at her. But not only does she not like it, apparently it's reason enough to make some poor guy flop around on the pavement like a cat just hit by car. Although I appreciate her friends' enthusiasm, maybe somebody should mention to them that they're walking down the street with Rumer Willis. They might as well go out in public with the Loch Ness monster. At least people would recognize who they're with.

Update: A quick note... TMZ is reporting these guys are not actually friends with Rumer and they're just random assholes.

Maria Sharapova, Camilla Belle, Carmen Electra and Kendra Wilkinson yesterday at the ESPY awards:

Here are Demi "I Spent 3.8 Fillion Dollars On Plastic Surgery" Moore and that screechy 10 year old at some book party snorehole yesterday. Yeah, blah blah, I don't give a shit either, except this chick normally doesn't dress like this. Any movie role she has might as well include double fisting at this point to keep anyone from (literally) dying of boredom, but here she is in this black curtain all of a sudden. Is she pregnant? I don't know. But what I do know is that I made a bad move when I turned down replacing Bruce Willis in the new Die Hard whatever number it is. I'm not bald and I don't have balls, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night.


Note: Oprah will help pimp Laura Day's book later this month, OMG!!

Bruce Willis, 52, is now dating Playboy Playmate Tamara Witmer, 23 (which makes her only 5 years older than Willis' daughter, Rumer), after the two met at the Peninsula Hotel in Los Angeles. The New York Daily News reports:

...She admits being "a little nervous" when she recently met the "Die Hard" star...That was after they got to know each other over the phone. "He's got the sexiest voice!" she says. "He's so smooth and suave. I don't mind the bald head. He's really good looking in person."

Jesus, Bruce Willis' penis should be dipped in gold and put in some sort of museum because ever since he and Demi Moore broke up, it's seen more 20 year old kitty than the Sultan of Brunei. It seems like every time you turn around he's rolling off a model or wiping off some actress. Meanwhile, Ashton Kutcher is only 29 and his wife has had more work done than the Millennium Falcon. Score!


Update: Bruce Willis is 2x a pimp now because of this:

Bruce Willis is fed up with listening to outspoken actors - and believes their opinion shouldn't mean "jack shit" to the general public. The Die Hard star understands some of his colleagues want to do good for various causes, but wishes others would keep their thoughts to themselves. He says, "I don't think my opinion means jack shit, because I'm an actor. "Why do actors think their opinions mean more because you act? You just caught a break as an actor. There are hundreds - thousands - of actors who are just as good as I am, and probably better. "Have you heard anything useful come out of an actor's mouth lately?" He adds, "Although I liked George Clooney's documentary on Darfur."