The 44th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards was last night, and I really need to make it there one year. Not because I like songs about domestic violence and broken dreams, but because it's probably the best award show if you're looking for the greatest concentration of hot, skinny white chicks. I tried the American Latin Music Awards one time, and before I got in, some latin guy came up to me and stuck out his hand and said "Hola". Then I just threw him my wallet and my keys at him and then hid behind a trash can. What does "Hola" mean?!! Is that some kind of gang slang?! Oh God, somebody help! Help!!!



Taylor Swift and Kellie Pickler:



Marisa Miller, Julianne Hough, Kaley Cuoco:

I have no idea what Carrie Underwood won at last night's Grammys, but I'm pretty sure she won the "Hottest Piece" award. Hands down. Say what you want about American Idol, but I would split this chick like an atom and she's everything Jessica Simpson wishes she was. Skinny, hot, talented, and absolutely killing the country music charts. The best thing Jessica can do now is to go through some kind of wormhole to an alternate universe. For what I'm really not sure. What am I, her life coach all of a sudden?

Um, implants?

Carrie Underwood won a bunch of trophies at the People's Choice Awards last night, but do you want to know her greatest prize? My heart.

Carrie Underwood is a big star. Big stars routinely say idiotic things because they are blind lemmings who are hilariously misinformed and out of touch with reality. Carrie Underwood is not one of those people. Us Magazine (Via Just Jared/TV Guide) says:

Carrie Underwood has a message for Oprah, Diddy, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and even Heidi and Spencer: Don't publicly back candidates for office. "There is someone I do support, but I don't support publicly," she tells TV Guide..."I lose all respect for celebrities when they back a candidate. "It's saying that the American public isn't smart enough to make their own decisions," she goes on. "I would never want anybody to vote for anything or anybody just because I told them to."

I wish everyone was like Carrie Underwood. Not only would they be hot, but they also wouldn't feel the need to force their opinions on me. I appreciate it, miss stoned coke whore in a private jet rambling about change and the economy. I got this one. Thanks, though.

Carrie outside Il Corso Italian restaurant in September answering paparazzi questions about Sarah Palin with "I don't do politics.":


Bonus:


Photos: Splash

I've never wanted to take a wax statue out for a romantic dinner before, but Carrie Underwood should have thought about that before she unveiled hers at Madame Tussaud this week. Yeah, that's right, Carrie. I got a new lady now. Quite frankly, I found you a bit too clingy.

The public feud between Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood (read more here and here) is back on today after Carrie called Jessica Simpson a fatass. OK! Magazine reports:

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen: the catfight between Carrie Underwood and Jessica Simpson continues, and someone's about to draw blood! Carrie's claws have come out following Jessica's recent interview, in which she gushes over current boyfriend (and Carrie's ex) Tony Romo, saying, "I just told him today, 'You're the love of my life.'" In the interview Jessica also says she's unconcerned by Carrie's claims of getting calls from Tony, admitting that she checks his phone logs and knows exactly who he does and does not call...."She finds Jessica's love of putting her life on display pretty desperate," a pal of the "Before He Cheats" singer tells OK!. "She laughed at the People cover, because it's the same one Jess did about John Mayer - same smile, same look, except she's a little fatter.""

I don't care what steps they need to take to resolve this feud, but it's pretty clear it should somehow involve Carrie Underwood getting naked.

Although he is dating Jessica Simpson, Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Tony Romo, allegedly still calls his ex-girlfriend, Carrie Underwood. Earlier this month, Underwood told Allure: "We were both small-town people doing very big things, and we relied on each other, dealing with fame. I don't know. The phone will ring and it'll be him, and I'll maybe not answer." But have no fear, that shit totally didn't happen, because Jessica Simpson is on the case! US Magazine reports:

Jessica Simpson insists her beau Tony Romo isn't calling his ex Carrie Underwood. "I looked at his call log," she said Wednesday in an interview with a Nashville radio station..."Tony and I both laughed at that," Simpson said. "We got a chuckle out of it."

Wow, why didn't I think of that?! Check his phone log! Brilliant! Because you know Tony wouldn't immediately delete those if he was calling another girl behind your back. Men aren't good with technology, so we wouldn't even know how to do that! I usually put white out on my phone, but no more!


Photos: Splash

We tried to wait for better quality versions of these to hit the Net, but we gave up. It's Carrie Underwood in a bikini, so hopefully you can forgive us for the crappy quality of these pictures. Country music sucks but they seem to have the musical market cornered on hot chicks (Sara Evans, Shania Twain, Taylor Swift, Faith Hill, Kellie Pickler, LeAnn Rimes, Miranda Lambert, etc.), so I'd gladly wear an orange camouflage hat and drink warm beer if that's what it took to use Carrie Underwood's ankles like the handles of an elliptical machine. What can I say? I'm a romantic like that.