I really wanted this story to include the words "in a swamp", but it's something about a Mexican lady with a seemingly very expensive lawyer. People reports:

Investigators have been waiting outside Anthony's residence in Florida for several days to serve her with a subpoena in a defamation action filed by a woman named Zenaida Gonzalez. "Our investigation team had her whereabouts pinned down," says Gonzalez's attorney, Matt Morgan. "Their backs were against the wall, so her attorneys said that they would accept service on her behalf."..Gonzalez filed suit over Anthony's comments in 2008 that a babysitter named Zenaida Gonzalez had kidnapped Anthony's 2-year-old daughter Caylee, who turned up dead. There was no babysitter by that name, but Gonzalez – who had nothing to do with Anthony – claimed defamation because the two names are the same.

Casey Anthony is still alive and walking around free, so none of this really matters. But we did learn that if someone named Zenaida Gonzalez wants you found, you will be found. Information like that is always good to know.

Because churches need members, but most importantly their members' money, "progressive churches" do anything and everything they possibly can to get people in the door. Don't like boring hymns? Check out Joseph and his brother Judah shred on guitar to this kick ass laser light show! Have to wear a suit or have a strict dress code at work because your employers demand that you look presentable and respectful in the workplace? Well, put on your flip flops and Jeff Gordon t-shirt, because this is only God's house! Don't like having to open your Bible, listen to Becky sing 25 songs in a row before Pastor Dave gives a slideshow on a giant video monitor! Just like Jesus did! All he's saying is in the Bible we swear! But the most amazing thing they do is to tell you that if you somehow magically insert Jesus into your heart, you will be instantly forgiven of any and every fucked up thing you have ever done in your life and any future fucked up thing you do won't count and you will instantly go to heaven when you die because that one time you had your head dunked under water by a guy who collects a paycheck to do that sort of thing which doesn't make you instantly question his motives at all. So, with being that said, Casey Anthony is getting baptized. Radar Online reports:

According to an insider, Anthony, 26, wanted to do something to signify a new beginning in her life. "Casey has planned to get baptized sometime this month," an insider exclusively told RadarOnline.com. "She figured getting baptized would be the best way start this new chapter in her life. It's a new beginning."..."Casey believes that Caylee is with God now and wants to ensure her own salvation so that she'll see her daughter again someday," the source said.

Wait, didn't Casey Anthony kill someone and get away with it? Then why is she doing this backwards?

Note: Yes, the banner pic is not Casey Anthony. It's Vanessa Hudgens in Florida in short shorts with her shirt pulled up. So, basically it's still Casey Anthony.

In court documents unsealed by a Florida judge today, Casey Anthony's former psychiatrist, Dr. Jeff Danziger, says Casey told him that she became pregnant with Caylee after being raped at a party. Jesus' birth story is more believable at this point. TMZ reports:

Casey Anthony said she was raped at a party when she was 18 and that's how she conceived Caylee -- this according to Casey's former psychiatrist. The psychiatrist -- Dr. Jeff Danziger -- recounts the allegation in his deposition, which was just unsealed today by a Florida judge. In the deposition, Danziger cites an interview he had with Casey in November 2010 -- claiming, "Two beers, possibly given another drug. Woke up passed out ... Don't remember anything at a party, age 18. This is how she said she got pregnant." Danziger claims Casey did not know the identity of the father. According to Danziger's tests, Casey showed no signs of mental illness.

So, this makes like, what? The 20th possible dad Casey's come up with it? Part of me hopes this is true, because if it is, it just makes the case for pro-choice that much stronger. But of course it's not true because Casey Anthony is a lying, manipulative sociopath who is unable to feel or portray human emotions unless they serve her own ends. Nothing she says should ever be mistaken for the truth. Unless she said I had a big penis. Did she say that?

The last scene in Psycho will tell you all you need to know about Casey Anthony:

TODAY has confirmed that a grainy, black and white video (filmed in October) of a white chick talking about her computer and probation is indeed acquitted child-killer, Casey Anthony. It also confirms that narcissistic murderers who leave their child to rot in a swamp while they get a spray tan for a hot body contest really love attention. Tits or GTFO?

While Casey Anthony sightings have been scarce in the six months since she was cleared of killing her toddler daughter Caylee, the 25-year-old has resurfaced in a video that she apparently recorded herself in October. “It’s just a little surreal how much things have changed since July and how many things haven’t changed,” Anthony says in the 4 ½ minute video, which aired on TODAY Thursday. NBC News has confirmed that it is Anthony on camera. Anthony’s appearance is markedly different from her last public showing in the Florida courtroom as her “not guilty” verdict was read — she sports short, blonde locks and wears glasses. She revealed that she'll remain in her hiding spot "at least until the end of February." And as she talks about her new life, Anthony indicates this video diary may not be her last. “I’m extremely excited,” she says. “I’m excited that I’ll be able to Skype and obviously keep a video log, take some pictures and that I have something that I can finally call mine,” she says on camera. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to call something mine.”

The irony isn't lost on me that this video is 4:20 long, but in those four minutes and twenty seconds, Casey Anthony doesn't mention the daughter she killed once. Not once. That's because she finally got a new phone and a new computer. Why live in the past, man?

Oh, of course she does. Chloroforming your kid then throwing her in a swamp so you can go party is hard work. She might as well get rich from it. The Hollywood Reporter says:

A Los Angeles-based TV producer is shopping the first interview with Casey Anthony, who was acquitted in July of murdering her 2-year-old daughter, Caylee Anthony. The Hollywood Reporter has learned that Scott Sternberg and his Scott Sternberg Productions have been quietly pitching a no-holds-bared interview with Anthony, who has been lying low since being released July 17 after nearly three years in a Florida jail. Multiple sources say Sternberg is asking between $500,000 and $750,000 to deliver Anthony, a hefty license fee to be sure. According to sources with knowledge of the proposal, networks can choose the interviewer and Scott Sternberg Productions would co-produce the program. But so far, multiple cable networks have declined. Spokespeople for Discovery Communications' TLC and ID confirmed that the networks have passed on the project. A&E Networks, which includes Lifetime and A&E, also has passed, says a spokesperson....HLN has not been approached, says a network spokesperson, who adds that the cable news network would not pay for an interview with Anthony anyway...And ABC News, CBS News and NBC News all have stated adamantly that they would not pay for an Anthony interview specifically.

I only have a figurative vagina sometimes (wah wah cry cry wah wah), so whatever a woman wants to do with her own body is nobody's business but her own. That being said, if Caylee Anthony's long-suffering life and death at the hands of a vile demon who was more concerned with $1 draft night and bikini contests than lovingly raising her child doesn't make the case for abortion, I don't know what will. Where was Caylee Anthony's promised sanctity of life? If Casey Anthony didn't want Caylee she should have never had her in the first place and saved an innocent three-year old from enduring things I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. But Rick Perry wants every teen mother to be Casey Anthony. You know, because God wanted Caylee to be born, but fuck her after that. She should have pulled herself up out that swamp by her own bootstraps.

Note: Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in-tents! (Sorry, I felt like I should add a joke to this post somewhere). Oh, btw. In the comments, feel free to tell me how to do my job. Especially the part where I should "stick to tits" and that you're "never coming back". I love that one!

You know, in case the Justice League were wondering.

Pic source = TMZ

To be even more sensitive to the mood of the entire world, in one of the pictures they should have her naked in just a tarp and posing by a swamp. Or naked in a trunk. But definitely the swamp thing. CNN reports:

If Larry Flynt has his way, Casey Anthony could reintroduce herself -- nude -- to America on the pages of Hustler magazine, and make well over $500,000 in the process. The pornography magnate told HLN's "Nancy Grace" show on Thursday night that talks are ongoing that could land Anthony on the pages of his magazine, weeks after a Florida jury acquitted her of murder in her 2-year-old daughter Caylee's death...The Hustler magazine founder said that, after a jury cleared the 25-year-old woman on murder charges, he initially did not consider reaching out to her. But Flynt said his mind changed after being approached by "droves of men" as he was touring the country promoting his new book "One Nation Under Sex." "They said, Why haven't you made an offer? Why don't you want to publish her pictures?" Flynt said. "They said, She's a really attractive person ... I've never seen that happen before."..."You've got men who say hey, I want to see her in her birthday suit," he said of the Anthony offer. "There may be some sick individuals ... but that's what life is all about."

Eh, whatever. I'm just more excited about her finally winning her first Cold Body Contest.

Apparently when you play hide and go seek you shouldn't hide a dead body then make a professional mounted search and recovery team try to find it. Turns out they'll sue you. NYDN reports:

The 25-year-old Anthony was served behind bars with a lawsuit demanding the return of $100,000 spent on a massive 2008 manhunt for her slain daughter Caylee. The non-profit group Texas EquuSearch filed the suit Wednesday, charging Anthony duped them into conducting the fruitless hunt despite knowing the 2-year-old was already dead. "Casey Anthony knew that her apparent 'cooperation' with the massive searches coordinated by TES created an appearance that she was a victim of law enforcement's unjust investigation and that she was a concerned mother seeking her missing child's return," the suit said.

That sounds great until you realize she'll never pay a dime even if she loses the suit. Ask Ron Goldman's family how their civil suit worked out. If I was Texas EquuSearch, I'd pour gasoline on her and see if she could make it to the swamp before I set her on fire. If she does, good job. If she doesn't, everybody else in the hot body contest will definitely be playing for second. Because she'd be on fire, you see.