I had a whole post planned for Kelly Brook's new beach pics (damn and oh damn), but the hi-versions haven't come out yet, so here's some outtakes of Christina Aguilera's 2006 Blender shoot instead. So sit back, relax, and let these pictures transport you to another place and time where Christina Aguilera looked like a fairy tale princess. I don't know what message the photographer was trying to portray in these pictures, but I bet it has something to do with the sanctity of abstinence because young lady's vagina's are precious gifts. Beautiful gardens overflowing with waters of wonder.

Christina Aguilera performed at the birthday party of the fat gay dude whose site is secretly written by ghost writers, and on the way in (banner pic), she looked kinda hot. While walking on stage (below), she looked like a gay club emcee. I'm not saying all gay club emcees dress like this, I'm just saying, at first glance, she looks like she's about to sing a duet with a guy wearing satin shorts and a cop hat and holding a microphone that looks like a dildo. And I might be mistaken, but a midget in a feather boa and devil horns rides out on a tricycle at some point handing out sparklers.

All you need to know about the AMAs is that Daughtry, Flo Rida, Alvin and the Chipmunks, and Kid Rock were nominated for awards. Music awards. Seriously? This is what we've come to? I've saw more talent that one time I saw a monkey ride a skateboard.


I have no clue what has happened to Christina Aguilera these last couple of months. She looks like a male Christina Aguilera impersonator. The only way these pictures could be more disappointing is if she had a horse tail.

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Christina Aguilera was in Royal Albert hall performing at the Africa Rising Festival this week, and I don't have a map, but that seems like it would be a long way from The Emerald City. I bet there isn't even a Wizard in London that will give her courage.

I'm not sure if last night was the actual 2008 MTV Video Music Awards or not, because whatever the hell that was last night looked like it was filmed in some kind of underground bunker. Seriously, there was like fifty people in the audience. I've seen bigger crowds at a car accident. Anyway, here are some pictures from the thing. Sorry about the nobodies, but to reiterate, it was the MTV Video Music Awards:


Let's face it, Rihanna is an alien, right? I mean, let's not kid ourselves. When the day comes when she finally signals for the invasion, and she will, will you stand with the resistance? Freedom!!


Christina Aguilera looks like Linda Hogan dressed as Cleopatra at some transvestite costume party, but at least her rack is still great. Big tits make everything better. Especially job interviews.



All you need to know about MTV is that they gave Tila Tequila her own show. Who knows why the hell this skank was there last night. Was she up for an award? If I had to guess, I'd say it was to tell the story of how her grandfather pulled John McCain out of that plane.


A voodoo priestess apparently shrunk Taylor Swift's eyes and she's kinda too skinny, but I'd bang her. Mostly because I'm really trying to get into country music. Her vagina seems like a good place to start.


Is Ashlee Simpson gonna have this kid already? It's Pete Wentz's, so how long does it really need to grow? Please. Let's not pretend this kid's high school yearbook won't say he wasn't voted "Most Likely To Be the Travelocity Gnome."


The Jonas Brothers are three brothers who write songs about text messages and living underwater. Two of them have afros and one has diabetes. One has fucked Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. One writer of this blog is gay for knowing that.


Audrina Patridge is on The Hills, another MTV show about whores and rehearsed drama. I've never seen it, but I think she plays the one with Down Syndrome.

There's no way Christina Aguilera's kid doesn't weigh 100 pounds by now, because he's almost a year old and his mom's tits still look like they could feed the Chinese army. It's pretty safe to say that I'd live in a FEMA trailer for a month to be that kid for a week.

For some reason, this picture of Christina Aguilera naked in a David LaChapelle photoshoot is making its rounds today. Not really sure why, because it's from 2004 and it kinda looks Photoshopped. Unlike those pictures I keep in my scrapbook of me winning the Daytona 500 and sparring with Bruce Lee. Man, look at me go!

Chicks with huge racks are God's precious gift from heaven, but if Christina Aguilera could put on a shirt, that would be great. I'm not sure what the hell has been happening lately, but Christina's chest looks like a leathery mess of veins and self tanning streaks. And, uh, what are those folds for? Are those supposed to be there? I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure tits aren't supposed to look like my wallet.