In NBC's knock off of American Idol, Christina Aguilera will be one of the "coaches who will help shape America's next top singing star." Apparently she also teaches contestants how to bake pies and to properly cook with butter.

Christina Aguilera has been on a slow train to crazy for weeks now, and it finally came to its first stop last night when she was arrested for being drunk off her ass. To her credit though, getting drunk in private is kind of a waste. TMZ reports:

Christina Aguilera was arrested early this morning along with her boyfriend in West Hollywood, TMZ has learned. Christina was popped for public intoxication and her boyfriend was arrested for driving under the influence. Aguilera was arrested at 2:45 AM and booked at the West Hollywood Sheriff's substation on a misdemeanor charge. On the booking report, Aguilera was listed at 5'2" and 100 pounds. Aguilera's 25-year-old boyfriend Matthew Rutler was also arrested last night at the same time for a misdemeanor offense. According to the L.A. County Sheriff's Department, Rutler's bail was set at $30,000. Law enforcement sources tell us Aguilera appeared to be "extremely intoxicated" and was "unable to take care of herself." However, the source adds, "If the driver had NOT been arrested for DUI, [Christina] would have never been in trouble." Sources close to Xtina tell us they have been trying to get the singer into a rehab program for weeks.

I'm a big fan of tiny white girls too drunk to stand, so I'm really more concerned about this whole 100 pounds thing. Really? Did she lose a leg in the war recently? Because the only way she's 100 pounds right now is if she's an amputee or met a rabbit last night and had to follow him down a hole.

Following her divorce, Christina Aguilera's been living in the same house as her soon-to-be-ex husband, Jordan Bratman, and her new boyfriend, Matt Rutler. The split's amicable, but it was probably expensive. TMZ reports:

Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman have reached a divorce settlement that was filed with the court ... TMZ has learned.

Sources tell us they will share joint custody of their son, Max, though the legal papers -- filed with the court Wednesday -- don't specify the terms of custody.

As for dividing up the goodies, as TMZ first reported, the couple had a prenup, but sources connected with Jordan tell us he got a little somethin' extra as part of the settlement.

As for what Christina got ... Jordan, who is repped by attorney Bruce Clemens, has FINALLY moved out of the house. Chrissy Christina, her new boyfriend Matt Rutler, and Jordan have all been living under the same roof. Jordan officially left a few days ago.

It's good that Jordan got a little somethin' extra, because he's gonna need it to pay the therapy bills for poor Max. Within a year his mom went from one of the music industry's best modern vocalists to a poster girl for terrorist drag queens. The closest she'll get to success is her kid growing up without a thirst for vengeance and a homemade inkblot mask.

Christina Aguilera began her career as a child, won five Grammys, and performed "The Star Spangled Banner" a few times, so when she fucked up the lyrics at Super Bowl XLV, it was a little jarring. Also jarring? How different she looks in black from, say, Sofia Vergara. When part of your marketability lies in sex appeal, you should probably only have one chin.

When Christina Aguilera announced her engagement and pregnancy, we all praised her for wanting a normal life and not succumbing to the pressures of fame by her ability to balance her career and family life. Then she got divorced. And did this and this within a week. It looks like signing divorce papers were an ignition key to start the crazy. She's Mexican, so crazy is a little redundant. Or the name of her car club. To be honest, I'm not really sure. E! Online reports:

Choosing what you want to believe, we must say Xtina has been looking a little worse for ware since her divorce. Uh, does this remind you of any other pop tart?...Now, Christina seems to just be entering this Stage 1 and having some tipsy nights. But by the stories getting passed around Hollywood, many industry folks are whispering she's going down "the Britney Spears path." Yes, that is a term used regularly around in this town. It's adjacent to "the Lindsay Lohan route," too. Reading through the comments yesterday, almost half of you defended Xtina saying we've all been there. Sure, most people have on occasion. Unfortunately, this boozy behavior is supposedly becoming a pattern. So does she get a free pass if she's going through a divorce? Some of us have been there, too, and it's damn difficult.

I don't know if I need to light a Mother of Guadalupe candle or what, but if Christina can go ahead and go over to the Hot Mess of The Force, I'd appreciate it. No seriously, hurry it up. She's about 20 pounds away from Splash having exclusive pics of her getting tagged and released into a Curves.

Christina Aguilera attended the Golden Globes because Burlesque was nominated for something. But I think she attended mostly because she heard they had doughnuts.

Here's Christina Aguilera in some leaked pics (supposedly taken in April 2010), and ummm, yeah. That's pretty much it. Christina Aguilera naked surrounded by shoes and I'm gonna guess a lot of heroin.

Coincidentally, the same week Good Charlotte dropped a new album and about three weeks before Burlesque's opening night, Christina Aguilera and Benji Madden were spotted on a double date with Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. X17 reports:

Christina Aguilera and rumored boyfriend Benji Madden made it a double date last night with Benji's bro Joel and fiancee Nicole Richie at the Soho House.

Sources said that Xtina, who's gotten really close to Nicole Richie, is rebounding from her divorce with Benji Madden, and now we've got the proof! Course, it seemed like Benji wanted to keep it on the down low, he hid in the backseat next to Christina (while Nicole was the one hiding in the front.)

Also convenient is the timing of this outing in relation to rampant rumors that Christina's been getting dirrty with Samantha Ronson, but I actually see this working. They can trade tips on eyeliner and how to really work the crowd when they perform together at the county fair. And, you know, cunnilingus.

A semi-convincing tranny Christina Aguilera impersonator: