As you look at these pictures of Denise Richards in a bikini, please keep in mind that Charlie Sheen was once married to this and inseminated it twice. Now remember that he calls this and this "goddesses". You could take the DNA of the chicks he pays to pretend to love him now and splice with an actual goddess and it still wouldn't look as hot as Denise Richards does here. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I would have sex with Denise Richards. Yep, that's what I'm saying.

Note: Since it didn't take long for me to get the usual, "You are an idiot. Stick to celeb gossip. Obviously politics is too much for you." on the last post, I hope this helps. It almost might help if you call my manager. He might be able to give you a full refund. Oh, wait.

The second season of Denise Richards: It's Complicated premiered last week, but now you can it at the her regularly scheduled time on Sundays at 10:30 EST. Be sure to tune in, because really, there's no telling what might happen in 24 minutes on a scripted reality show with a life lesson from a rich white woman who's never worked a day in her life at the end of the episode. I can hardly wait!

It looks like Denise Richards is having quite the time with her snowboard instructor in Utah. Sure, she's not actually going down the mountain, but whatever is happening above...well, it looks like she's enjoying it.

I once had a snowboard instructor do this to me, and I fell to the ground yelling "bad touch!" until someone came to my aid. I was 22, so I imagine it caused quite the scene. Then, Vail's ski resort paid for my DV-R. It was the biggest scandel in Vail history...Until THIS.

If you're having trouble convincing your significant other to let you film your...um...private acts, maybe we have a lead in for you.

NetFlix is having a contest to see who can best re-create famous kisses from film. They've set up a YouTube page and everything.

The best part is that it's vote-based, so if you're popular and attractive, you can get your friends to watch you make out with someone, and that making out might get you two free trips. The top three videos win trip to New York where the participants will kiss on stage. The winning couple gets flown to Las Vegas for some sort of getaway (we're guessing "romantic').

You can check out the official site here, or the YouTube page here, but they all suck thus far, so get kissing.

Especially if you pick one of these:













Bonus points if you can name all these lesbian kiss movies.

The greatest love story ever told continues to capture our hearts and minds, as Charlie Sheen has apologized for several voicemails he left for Denise Richards in 2005 that were leaked online earlier this week. He doesn't apologize for calling Denise Richards a "fucking cunt", nor did he apologize for making fun of Richards' mother who was undergoing chemotherapy at the time. Rather, he apologized for using the word "nigger" when he said the following:

I hope you rot in fucking hell. You're a piece of shit, fucking liar...I hope I never fucking talk to you again you fucking cunt. You're a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger."

MSNBC reports:

I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended; especially to Tony Todd, an African-American, who was my best man at my first two weddings," Sheen said in a statement obtained by Access Hollywood. "And for the record, my children did not show up today for a custodial visit without explanation," Sheen's statement continued. "So three and one-half years later, the reasons that caused the anger and frustration displayed on that voice mail continue to be manifested on a daily basis."

In case you didn't know, Tony Todd is best known for playing Candyman. Using the word "nigger" is never acceptable, only when the windows are rolled up or you can run away really fast, but when he has a hook for a hand, all bets are off, man. All bets are off.

Charlie Sheen and his new wife, Brooke Mueller on their honeymoon on June 3rd:


Photos: Splash

On her new reality show Denise Richards "claims to be setting the record straight" about the drama that has been surrounding her for the last four years. Turns out "setting the record straight" means "making up stuff so I won't look like a husband stealing lunatic." Page Six reports:

On the show, Richards says more than once that she's no husband stealer, claiming that she and Heather Locklear weren't friends for months before she started dating Locklear's estranged husband, Richie Sambora - and that the relationship started only after Locklear and Sambora split. But a Locklear pal says otherwise. "Heather has phone records that prove Denise was calling Richie while Heather was still married to him," our source said. "Heather was such a good friend to Denise. She gave Denise clothes and offered her a shoulder to cry on when she and [now ex-husband] Charlie [Sheen] split up - there are even photos in the press of Heather taking Denise out after she and Charlie split. And then a few weeks later - not months - Denise starts dating Richie. "For Denise to claim that not only did she not initiate contact with Richie but that she and Heather weren't friends for three months before she took up with him, well, that's just absurd and an outright lie. "Denise also claims she's still friends with Richie - which is not true. He doesn't speak to her at all."

In case you didn't know, Denise Richards is insane. No, for real. She's crazy. I fully expect next week's episode will follow her to a relaxing trip to a day spa then down the street as she barks and chases cars.

Denise at a celebrity carnival/pediatric AIDS benefit on June 8th:

Denise Richards has gotten a lot of bad press recently, so to solve that, she visited the office of Lycia Naff, a writer for People Magazine, because celebrities are higher beings who don't deserve any criticism or any negative press. In case you're wondering, it ended badly. I don't want to give anything away, but some people might get the impression that Denise Richards is a raving psycho.

Yesterday, sources close to Charlie Sheen publicly questioned Denise Richards claim that she needed to do her reality show to support her children, because she receives $52,000 a month in child support and has the potential to make an estimated $25 million off Sheen's television show, Two and Half Men. As usual, it didn't take long to fly into a psychotic rage. Page Six reports:

Sheen branded her a liar and claimed she sent his fiancee, Brooke Mueller, an e-mail asking him for his sperm so she could have another kid. Now Richards, in town to promote her E! reality show "It's Complicated," tells us: "For him to slam me saying I'm exploiting the kids, well, he's exploited our entire situation," Richards fumed to us yesterday. She claims Sheen obsessively sends her rage-filled text messages. "Last week, I sent Charlie a text message asking him if he's going to Family Day [for daughter Sam's school] and letting him know Sam was sick with a cold," Richards said. "His response was, 'I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom. Rot in hell you [bleeping] whore.' My mom died of cancer. This is what I deal with on a weekly basis. "He missed Dad's day at the school and my father had to go in his place. And this is how he talks to me?" Richards claims the e-mails sent to Mueller were fakes: "I don't want Charlie's prostitute-tranny-infested sperm. I have two beautiful kids. We'll leave it at that. I am so over him. He's the one who can't move on. He's disgusting and he's hit an all-time low."

There are times when I wonder if writing about topless hot chicks and Britney Spears all day is even worth it anymore. Then there comes a story like this. It's not every day that you can say you covered the greatest love story ever told. If I can be real for a minute, that's what keeps me going my friends.


Photos: Splash