Since she's been a constant enabler with the parenting skills of a Teen Mom possessed by a demon with a learning disability, Dina Lohan can no longer choose to look the other way and count money while her daughter spirals closer and closer to an early grave. She got to make shit happen, baby! Her hair isn't gonna color itself, you know. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan's mom is trying to expose her own daughter's dark secrets, blowing the lid off of Lindsay's alleged drug and alcohol use in a memoir that she's shopping around town -- shopping it as recently as 2 weeks ago -- as Lindsay was looking down the barrel of a hostile judge and a jail sentence. TMZ has obtained the draft of a prologue for Dina Lohan's memoir, which Dina's rep is shopping to people in the literary world. In the prologue, Dina writes: "I blamed her friends, her career and her handlers for an (sic) newfound lifestyle of partying excessively. Drinking, drugging and behaving irresponsibly became Lindsay's way of daily living--and it tore me up inside." Dina explains why she moved Lindsay from New York to L.A. at such a young age: "How could I deny my daughter the chance of a lifetime? How could I hold Lindsay back from her dream of becoming an actress? So, I listened to others and sent my daughter to Hollywood with a few pieces of luggage and a chaperone." When Lindsay began acting crazy, accumulating mugshots and what not, Dina says she was helpless, claiming she couldn't demand that Lindsay return to New York. Dina also confesses she was conflicted since she was both Lindsay's parent and manager. Dina and her rep were soliciting meetings via email two weeks ago, to brainstorm how to make her book "a best seller." Our sources say a ghost writer actually wrote the prologue after long sit-downs with Dina and her rep, and both were solidly on board.

It really is hard to feel sorry for a 25-year old adult who has been given chance after chance, but when you look at Lindsay's parents, you realize this is exactly how she was gonna end up. The fact that her IMDB credits don't include "Ass Assassin 34" or "Ginger Bukkakke Gangbang Party 2: Red, White, & Blue" by now is probably the only rainbow wrapped around this story.

That advice is pretty much "Do the complete opposite of what you're doing right now." Radar Online reports:

“Dina Lohan's relationship with her daughter Lindsay disturbs me,” Liv’s mom said... “But if my baby girl got that screwed up I would NOT allow to make her own decisions. I'm sorry! Anybody can think what they want. But I would abduct my child and I would make sure that I didn't leave her side until she didn't have those problems anymore. “But she also has to be responsible for her own actions. Her mother needs to start being a mother and not yes her to death. Bebe says she has a solution for Lindsay’s flailing career. “If Lindsay spent a year with me I could turn her around. I could have her winning her first Oscar in two years!" She also said that Lindsay needs to work on her appearance and put some weight on! “The first thing I would do is put 10 pounds on her. She needs a more kittenish quality. She's looking too thin right now. That's not a good look. And she also needs to go back to being a natural red head. The blonde hair doesn't work. It ages her. She just needs the right people around her. She's got it all man. She's just around people who don't get it.”

Bebe Buell presents some decent points, but Liv Tyler's been nominated for more Razzies than Oscars, and it sounds like she wants Lindsay to transform into Christina Hendricks. Lindsay might have an easier time if Michael Lohan started a band and had her use the moves she learned in I Know Who Killed Me to regain her star power. Including the amputated leg.

I know they thought this was supposed to be sexy, but I can't shake the feeling that Dina Lohan was trying to give Lindsay some of her T-cells. Lindsay seems pretty low.

New photos led to speculation that Ali Lohan had plastic surgery. Her mom and her reps deny it. Her doctors probably do, too. Us Weekly reports:

Dina Lohan, insists otherwise -- telling Us Weekly any plastic surgery rumors are "absolutely not true!" And Ali's publicist is also adament (sic). "Aliana has never had any type of plastic surgery in her life, nor has she ever considered it," rep Steve Honig tells Us Weekly. "Her success as a model lies with her natural looks and she has no interest in changing that." (Lindsay Lohan's little sister signed a multi-year contract with NEXT Model Management last month.) So why does Ali's face look so different? "During the past two years, she has gone through a normal teenage growth spurt that has made her taller and slimmer. It has also slightly changed the composure of her face, all of which is typical of what happens to kids in their mid to late teens," Honig explains. "It's what most people refer to as the awkward stage. Ali is growing up, that's all."

Unless she's growing up in Auschwitz, I wouldn't call this an awkward stage. I'd call it a cokewhore stage mom and a farsighted plastic surgeon.

Last December at Betty Ford during Lindsay Lohan's sixth trip to rehab, Lindsay assaulted a staff member after she had the nerve to ask Lindsay why she was sneaking back in through a window and smelling of alcohol. Since Lindsay has been on probation for 20 years, the Palm Desert Police Department launched a complete investigation and wanted the DA to pursue. But just before Holland was to testify, Lindsay had Dina pawned some of the shit she stole and paid Holland $25K to keep quiet and refuse to cooperate with police. Now she wants $1M more. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan dished out 8 to 10 seconds of pain when she attacked a Betty Ford employee last year ... so says the alleged victim who's filing a lawsuit against the actress -- but her story appears to have one MAJOR inconsistency. Dawn Holland -- who now goes by Dawn Bradley -- is all set to file the legal docs today ... in which she claims Lohan was combative and violent when she tried to give the actress a breathalyzer test at the rehab center back in December ... after Lohan had allegedly snuck off the property to go boozing. In the lawsuit, Holland claims Lohan grabbed her right wrist and began "twisting and pulling it for 8-10 seconds." But here's the rub -- back when Dawn filed her initial incident report with the BFC, she NEVER mentioned the wrist grab ... even though the rest of her story syncs up perfectly. Holland -- who was eventually fired from Betty Ford Center -- claims she suffered "great mental, physical and nervous pain and suffering" from the alleged assault and battery. Dawn is demanding AT LEAST $1 million to make things right. We contacted Lindsay's lawyer. So far ... no comment.

Does Lindsay even have a million dollars? I can't imagine Dawn Holland wants to walk down the street pushing a wheelbarrow full of quarters and a Vietnamese baby Lindsay took from a stroller.

Lindsay Lohan is dropping her last name because she hates her dad. And because she can. From PopEater:

Diddy did it. So did Madonna and Prince, and now you can add Lindsay Lohan to the list of celebrities who are opting for a single moniker, with the troubled star's mom, Dina, confirming to me that Lindsay plans to remove "Lohan" from her official name.

"Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay," Dina tells me, exclusively. "Plus, me and [younger daughter] Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan."

Lindsay had been thinking about dropping her surname for some time but at first thought no one would know who she was. It was only after the infamous Super Bowl E-trade advertisement referring to a baby as "that milkaholic Lindsay," that the actress knew she no longer needed it.

"So many of the greatest people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list," a family friend tells me. "And it's a way for them all to start over. No one in the family want anything to do with Lindsay's father [Michael Lohan] anymore and that includes sharing a last name."

Of course, Michael Lohan denied everything.

Michael responded with a clear denial later Friday during a visit to Jane Velez-Mitchell's hit HLN show. "I don't think it's true at all," he said. "I would never imagine any of my kids changing their name, especially Lindsay."

While I admit it makes sense for Dina Lohan to change her last name (she's been divorced for years), I don't see this working out. Despite releasing some shitty albums before getting dropped from her label, Lindsay isn't known for being a pop star, and this isn't a smart move for a would-be film star. Beyonce, Prince, Diddy, and Madonna are known for their talent, their longevity, and their brands. Lindsay is known for her addictions to Captain, coke, cock, and cuffs. She may want to focus on getting work before worrying about how many Ls are in the marquee.

Since Lindsay Lohan is in Betty Ford and has spent more than two consecutive days in a row completely sober, she has realized her mother is an enabling monster who exploits Lindsay's coke and cock problem for her own gain. Lindsay has reportedly cut her mom completely off, but will that stop Dina Lohan from living in complete denial? Um, no. No it won't. RadarOnline reports:

The real reason Lindsay Lohan is no longer slated to play porn star Linda Lovelace in a feature film is because she didn't want to play a drug addict after what she's been through, her mother Dina told RadarOnline.com exclusively. The Mean Girls star, 24, has had many other offers and is looking at scripts now, and has found two that she particularly likes, Dina added. Contradicting reports that Lindsay was replaced on Inferno, the story about Lovelace, Dina said: "She turned Inferno down." Dina Lohan told RadarOnline.com that Lindsay simply didn't want to come out of rehab and play a drug addict. The recovering actress is scheduled to be released from the Betty Ford Center on January 3. "The movie is about a drug addict and a porn star... it is hard when you are a serious actor with what she has been through, we don't need that," Dina told RadarOnline.com. "Lindsay was disappointed because she really wanted to do it, but she felt that it would not be good for her after what she has experienced." "It was hard for her to turn it down, because it was an amazing role."

Just so we're clear, there were no conflicting reports. Lindsay was fired. The producers put the movie on hold so Lindsay could get her shit together, and when she didn't, they found somebody who already has. Jesus, is it really this possible to live in a make believe fantasy world of delusion where you actually believe that Lindsay Lohan is turning down roles because she's a "serious actress"? Please. Lindsay would play Nicole Brown Simpson and do her own stunts if somebody agreed to raise this bitch's FICO score fifty points.

Dina Lohan sat down with Matt Lauer this morning, and I don't know if you want to check outside to see if Jesus is riding a pale horse and swinging a flaming sword, but she just admitted that Lindsay Lohan is an addict. The Scoop reports:

"Yes," she is comfortable admitting Lindsay is an addict, Dina told Lauer. And the reason she’d been unwilling to admit as much before was because Lindsay had to admit it first. “As a mother it wasn’t for me to come and tell the world about her problem ... I wasn’t in denial. It was for her to come to her evolution. As a mother we protect. Now I’m happy and relieved myself.” Dina said that Lindsay, who is being treated at California's Betty Ford rehab facility, is "happy, relaxed." "She’s just a different person. She’s been in a couple facilities, but this one to me has really changed her." Dina also said that Lindsay, too, has a greater understanding of her addiction issues. "Yes. This teaches you that you are (an addict). Being so young, the admitting of that, can only help her sobriety in the future." And as for that future, what will it hold? Dina said that Lindsay wants to get back into film, but things will be taken "one day at a time. "I don’t have a crystal ball,” Dina said. “I pray hard. She wants to start her own (rehab) facilities, help other children. She’s so public that I think we can only be positive and look to the future to help other families."

Please hold me down and stone me for saying this, but what Dina says kinda make sense. And this is the first time in any recorded interview where she didn't immediately blame someone else for Lindsay's problems. So either she was coached by Rahm Emanuel on what to say, or she really believes and means this. Which sucks for me because I really need Lindsay Lohan naked and doing blow. What, you think this site gets traffic all by itself without having to do any work? This isn't gogle.com, you know.