Howard Stern's staff occasionally likes to have their way with celebrity audio books by ripping the audio and piecing it back together into a blend of comedic vulgarity. Recently they did this to one of Dolly Parton's audio books, but Dolly ain't laughin'. Reuters reports:

I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life," Parton said in a statement on Wednesday. "I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing. Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this."

She concluded: "If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it's going to be over this. Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this."

At this point Dolly looks like someone who was crudely pieced together with body parts from different people, toys, and maybe robots, so I don't know why she's so mad. It seems like a natural progression to me.

Here's the audio. It's very NSFW, so you've been warned:



Photos: Splash

We've received quite a few of emails asking for more of these old Hollywood stars thrown in the mix. High quality photos like these are hard to find, and this new batch of Marilyn Monroe was labeled "rare," so I'm into it. Even less rare than these pictures is Dolly Parton admitting she fantasizes about having sex with women.

Parton says, "When I have sex with my husband these days, I fantasize I am with someone like Keith Urban or a petite, hot young woman." And the candid conversations don't end there - Parton told a British magazine her first crush was on a Tennessee hooker. She explains, "I thought she was beautiful. She had more hair, more color, more everything."

Hey, nothing wrong with that. In fact, I heard that women who have sex with other women are healthier and live twice as long as anyone else, but I try not to tell anyone about it. Because knowledge like this in the wrong (ahem, Britney Spears) hands can be dangerous. Sometimes a short shelf life is good. But don't say that to the green thing with fur and legs that lives in my vegetable drawer. It has personality. And as they say, personality goes a long way.

Labels: dolly parton, dolly parton lesbian, marilyn monroe