"Obama doesn't have gills, so I'm tryin' to get that worked in ya heard?"
Drake, a Canadian and rapper whose only street cred in being shot by a classmate at Degrassi High, wants to play Barack Obama in a movie. Because he "wants to do something for his culture". Rich Canadians are crying out for a Obama movie? I don't know. Also, he's Canadian did I mention that? New York Post reports:

"I hope somebody makes a movie about Obama’s life soon because I could play him. That's the goal," the rapper told VH1 News at the Sundance Film Festival earlier this week..."I watch all the addresses," he says. "Any time I see him on TV, I don’t change the channel. I definitely pay attention and listen to the inflections of his voice. If you ask anyone who knows me, I’m pretty good at impressions."..."I've been reading scripts for awhile," he said. "I want to do something great. I want to do something for my culture: The younger people who are still in tune with everything going on. I’m actually writing with my friends right now."

I'm sure Drake is serious when he says he's pretty good at impressions, because he does a pretty good job of impersonating a rapper because I assume it's hard to rap about your Bar Mitzvah and growing up in Toronto's wealthiest neighborhood with your mommy. Also, why are his eyes so far apart? His private pool didn't have a lifeguard when he was a kid? Actually, Drake having Downs makes more and more sense when you think about it. Nice Britney eyes, jackass.

My Facebook is filled with how hot somebody named "Drake" is, so imagine my surprise when I logged into Splash and found out he is some kind of singer who was on Letterman last night. I'm hoping he sings like Ariel, because if not, Professor X might want to use him if his rear view mirror ever breaks. Why are his fucking eyes so far apart? Does he have gills? And what's up with the Lego fade? Is his forehead that big? Does Dianee Fossey come on stage and give him a banana when he does sign language? Somebody really needs to explain this to me.