George Clooney retired Elisabetta Canalis's tail, and she needs to stay relevant, so she's giving interviews about their relationship. And, uh... E! Online reports:

The Dancing With the Stars contestant and former Clooney girlfriend reveals in Italian journalist Bruno Vespa's new book Questo Amore (This Love) that her relationship with one of Hollywood's biggest hunks was "more of a father-daughter relationship," which she "was unable to clarify...'til now." Canalis further "clarifies" her feelings towards Clooney as: "the person who valued my feminine side the most" and "one of the best people I have met from a charitable point of view," explaining, "he has been special for me, and very important, just as a father would be."

Unless she got really confused when he asked "Who's your daddy?" in bed, I can't really wrap my head around that statement, because I've never fucked my dad. If she really needs an understanding perspective, she may want to talk to this chick. I'm only speculating, but it would probably confirm everything.

Since she fucked up and said "marriage" out loud to George Clooney, Elisabetta Canalis is now single while Clooney is up in this. So since she can't hang out naked on Clooney's yacht in Italy anymore, she's hanging out naked at the headquarters of the domestic terrorist organization that finds animals "forever homes" by killing them (94% kill rate in 2010, PETA only found homes for 44 adoptive animals in their care). In closing, if you were a dog, you'd have a better chance of surviving the night at Michael Vick's house if he lived in a Korean neighborhood than you would at PETA.

I mean, of course you could go to those other sites with accounts at other pic agencies to see George Clooney's piece Elisabetta Canalis in a bikini, but why would you when you can come here and see the same chick fully clothed? And with more tribal armband tattoo? Plus, I'm giving away a box of kittens later! And if you're lucky, I might post a link to my famous lemon cookie recipe! See? Isn't that better than all those other sites with access to bikini pics?! Wow, look at how much fun we're having!

Witnesses in a cocaine scandal, which involved the closing of clubs in Milan and Los Angeles and lead to the arrest of five people, has named George Clooney's girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis, in their testimony.

RadarOnline.com has discovered that Canalis has been implicated in an Italian cocaine scandal where one witness testified: “I’ve done cocaine with other people including Elisabetta Canalis.” According to one of Italy’s most prestigious newspapers, Corriere della Sera, an investigation was launched in 2008 into two Milan, Italy nightclubs that were allegedly running an escort and prostitution ring fueled by alcohol and cocaine. Those nightclubs were regularly frequented by celebrities. “They [the girls] were brought into the clubs by the various characters acting as PR for the evenings to entertain customers at the tables of the private club,” prosecutor Frank Di Maio stated in the investigative documents. “Their job was to encourage these customers to drink alcohol as to increase the table’s bill, followed up by sex off premises.”

It's kinda hard to tell from this story, but was Elisabetta Canalis one of the celebrities or one of the prostitutes? Also, what is this lump on my arm? It's really starting to freak me out.