I know magazines and television tell me that Emma Stone is a ravishing beauty and I know she recently starred in that critically acclaimed movie about maids where white solve racism, but here she is boarding a flight for Rio De Jainero. Where I assume the sun will meet its mortal enemy.

Because she doesn't have any friends obviously, Emma Stone went to the NYC National Board of Review last night in a white dress and posed for pictures in front of a white background after she left the funeral home where she was embalmed. Can an actual human be this white? Is that possible? Has she ever been on Ghost Hunters? Help me understand. This is like Michael K. Williams showing up in blackface and a Darth Vader helmet. Rubbing it in a little thick there don't you think?

Hollywood is like your grandma with a new computer, constantly rebooting because it can't possibly be her that doesn't know what she's doing. So, ask expected, they're already starting a new Spider-Man franchise starring Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, and directed by a guy who shot a 3 Doors Down video. Ok, sure. Collider reports:

I don’t want to nitpick this one image to death when A) I don’t know the context of the scene; and B) it’s ultimately just a costume. It’s slightly stylized, but it still doesn’t deviate too far from the mesh-style of the costume from the first three films. I am curious to know why the Spider emblem’s leg reach all the way down to Peter Parker’s crotch, but I’m sure there’s a good reason for it. But now I’m curious to know what the mask looks like…

Man, Collider seems way too concerned about the costume. I'm more concerned about who Andrew Garfield is. Who is the dude? Were they filming and he just walked on set? Is he like that homeless dude with the golden voice? Is this the one where Spider-Man sings in front of a news reporter then gets hired by the Cavaliers then goes back to rehab because he was a lying drug addict the whole time? But not before my Facebook wall gets raped with links about Spider-Man and his "TOUCHING STORY!!" and "OMG I LOVE HIM! GOD IS GREAT!!". I mean, if it is, I guess I can check out on Redbox or something.

I rather watch zombies serve my torso at a picnic than see House Bunny, but a lot of hot ass showed up at the premiere last night, and in case you missed it, scouring the Internet for pictures of "hot ass" is kinda my job description. That is, of course, until I can find a way to start getting paid to just think about hot ass. Toddco* has a solid business plan, but apparently potential investors fail to see how masturbating constitutes a core competency. Insolent fools!

* A division of Handsome Industries, Inc.