Scientologist Erika Christensen was at some event yesterday that I didn't bother to look up, because she stuffed her enormous rack into a black dress and made my penis question all he knew about God. Did an intergalatic C-130 really drop millions of people into a volcano and blow them up with an atomic bomb by order of Xenu? I think Jesus would be cool if I titty fucked her to get to the bottom of this.

Erika Christensen is a Scientologist and by definition an idiot, but she has really big tits and likes to post them on Twitter. I like to post recipes on Twitter. Especially my lemon cookies. They're like heaven in your mouth!!!

I have no idea what the drug-addled ramblings of a science-fiction writer about volcanoes and alien battleships have to do with the birth of Jesus, but here are some pictures from the Church of Scientology's annual Christmas/holiday party. Who knows what the hell this is. They could be in the back boiling kittens in a cauldron for all we know, but Erika Christensen has ridiculously big tits and really should be rescued from all this. Jenna Elfman can stay. She and her husband are brainwashed psychopaths ("Have you ever raped a baby?") who deserve everything the Scientology Celebrity Centre has to offer. Being shot by its armed guards, for example. How exciting!


Some of the other Scientolobots at the party were: David Carradine, Jason Lee, Anne Archer, Laura Prepon, Ethan Suplee, Jo Anna Garcia (the hot chick from Privileged), and Efren Ramirez (Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite).

Kirstie Alley attended some kind of Church of Scientology summit in Florida last summer and talked about the experience in an interview in the church's official magazine. Page Six reports

Alley, listed as a founding member of Scientology's "Super Power Expansion Project," gushes about its Florida summit last summer: "I'm walking out an entirely different being, and I mean entirely different...My viewpoint on the fourth dynamic and mankind and other people changed. You know, I liked animals more than people! OK, I liked certain people, but the idea of 'mankind' - it really irritated me!" Alley continues: "Then I realized why mankind upset me so much - it's because I wasn't taking responsibility!...Now, I have genuine affinity for mankind...I've made decisions here, big, crazy, great, brilliant decisions here about the magnitude I'm going to help this group and help this planet, and it's real...I want everybody in the universe to experience this."

Kirstie Alley then put on a shiny metallic jumpsuit and a scuba mask and handed the interviewer a Lego spaceship. "Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those plans. And bring me the passengers, I want them alive!", Kirstie Alley was overheard saying.

Ten Church of Scientology buildings were evacuated yesterday after mail delivered to their cult recruitment locations were found to contain a white powdery substance. Uh oh. The LA Times reports:

The letters were sent via the Postal Service to Scientology properties in Hollywood, the San Fernando Valley, Santa Monica, Glendale and Tustin. Police shut part of Glendale's busy Brand Boulevard for two hours before sounding the all-clear, while 60 people were cleared from buildings in Tustin, authorities said..."Initial field testing by LAPD indicates the powder is harmless," said FBI spokeswoman Laura Eimiller. "However, further testing will be conducted. We will also work to assess what threat, if any, was associated with the mailings and determine whether any federal statutes were violated."

There's no telling who did this and it doesn't really matter. It could be undersea vampires or members of the Young Democrats and I'd still like to know where I should send my check.

Just for fun:



Some famous Scientologists at some jackoff Scientology circle jerk:

The Church of Scientology had a "38th Anniversary" gala this weekend and you did nothing, Taliban. If all the 24 hour news channels would stop telling everyone where all of America's infrastructure weak spots are for a minute and point their bulletins at things like Scientology events, maybe terrorists would finally hit something we don't need and won't miss. If they'd like to practice on a smaller target first, they're more than welcome to go after the mutants in those fucking eHarmony commercials.