Mexican actress Eva Longoria, actually I don't know if she is Mexican but I'm horribly racist so I just assumed she is because it's really hard to keep track with all the crap below Texas so for the purpose of this post she's Mexican. Anyway, she attended PADRES CONTRA EL CANCER’S 9th Annual Fund Raising Gala (she's the national spokesperson) and said she is "shocked" by American's attitude toward immigration reform. FOXNews reports:

"The immigration issue is interesting because historically everyone has immigrated, this is a country of immigrants," Longira said. "So it kind of shocks me that people have such a vile reaction to immigrants when they provide a huge amount of services to our country, and particularly in agriculture." Longoria said she "would really love to see immigration reform obviously transpire, but in a way that is obviously fair to people in the country." But she said health care is more important right now. "One topic at a time, [Obama] can tackle the health care issue, and I completely support him on what he is doing currently, with his options that he wants to provide, and ... how he wants to fund it."

I'm not sure if "Hey, they're good at picking oranges" is the best argument for sweeping immigration reform, but whatever. Everybody here came from someplace else (except me, we've been scalping since day one), so why shut down the party now? I guess I have a unique perspective because I'm not burdened by white guilt and I'm not pissed because I got a free cruise to the New World, but California and Texas are basically Mexico anyway, so what's the big deal? Say what you want, but I live in Raleigh and if you go through a drive-thru here, you better have your damn order and money ready because Consuela behind the glass acts like she's trying to defuse a bomb and time might run out if you don't get your order in 30 seconds. Basically what I'm saying is, I could really care less either way. I got my own problems. Like trying to get some of that casino money. What, you greedy bastards don't like trading anymore?

Eva Longoria at the Mexican Awards:

A/X Watches had a launch party last night and apparently the way to get actresses to your party is to give them free stuff. Lindsay Lohan looks like death, so you know she was there like an hour early pacing back and forth and chewing her nails in front of the window, so she could hurry up and take whatever she got to the pawn shop. Kristen Bell is only slightly more overrated than an ACC football team and if Hayden Panettiere's head got any bigger, she'd be levitating cars. But the only reason I'm posting these is because of the absolutely adorable Sophia Bush. I kinda almost don't want to sex with her. She's almost too cute. I mean, I would of course, but I'd be afraid I'd poke the talking baby koala cub or the magical pixie that lives in her vagina.

Pam Anderson is on the beach, which I would have been WAY more into 5 years ago. Site NSFW [DrunkenStepfather]

J.Lo does Inauguration as only JLo can, in a gaudy way. [LaineyGossip]

Award for my bad: Marisa Miller nipple slip. [Egotastic]

Busted-ass celeb of the day? Eva Longoria and her poor hat choice. [HollywoodTuna]

Get the F*CK out of Julia Roberts' face. [SocialiteLife]

Kelly Osbourne was busted for assault [PinkIsTheNewBlog]

Suri Cruise seems to like New York. I would two if I was an alien hybrid. [CityRag]

Eva Longoria has been battling pregnancy rumors for a few weeks now, but these pictures taken 10 days ago on the set of Desperate Housewives don't really prove much. Actually, they don't prove anything other than the fact that, despite what I said in 2005, Eva Longoria most likely won't be approached for the lead in my script, "Muy Horny Mamacitas."

There's speculation now that Eva Longoria might be pregnant because of these pictures of her in Portofino, Italy yesterday, but let's try to remember that she's been married for a while. And she's like 3'1." The only way happy, secure short chicks could put on weight faster is if a horse fell on them. It just happens like that. I'm not saying she's not pregnant, I'm just saying I don't care. So, let's not get too excited, because to reiterate, you're talking about a Mexican chick being pregnant. When you've gotten over that shock, maybe you can relay your utter surprise of finding out that gas is expensive or that clouds are fluffy.

It's apparently Tranny Day here today at IDLYITW (as seen here and here), so it just feels natural to post this picture of Jessica Simpson arriving on a dinner date with Eva Longoria last night. Shhh, don't tell anyone, but I think Jessica has a secret.

Hyped as a show that would "turn the tables" on the paparazzi, Ashton Kutcher's, Pop Fiction, has been tearing up the ratings with mostly yawns and bored indifference. Despite debuting only two weeks ago, celebrity gossip magazines and paparazzi are already on to everything Kutcher does, and if they miss something, you wouldn't care because you're probably more famous than most the "celebrities" on this show. Several weekly magazine editors tell Rush & Malloy:

There's nothing these people do that we don't know about before they get there. We know everything. Ninety percent of their lives are put together by other people. It's almost like these celebs have LoJack. It's easy to track them."..."In Hollywood, anytime anyone decides to be in on the joke and critique themselves, no one cares. It's not having the effect they thought it would. No one can sympathize with celebs. They're always in on it themselves, whether they're pulling the joke or not. Another weekly editor snipes that Kutcher's E! show, which also featured Eva Longoria Parker, "is awful. It's a mostly a lot of D-listers we don't care about. [We] wouldn't cover anyone on that show - with the exception of Avril. This show won't go anywhere. No one is watching it."

Ashton Kutcher is a shitty actor whose one big idea was basically Candid Camera with celebrities and trucker hats. He's only really famous because he married Demi Moore, but even that's kinda pathetic. It must suck realizing that everybody knows your "hot" wife has had more work done that New Orleans.

If seeing short, flat Mexican chicks getting plowed by NBA players is your thing, then today is your lucky day. It is widely speculated that an Eva Longoria sex tape may hit online as early as this month. The Sun reports:

Rumours have been rife on the web that the saucy video exists and contains intimate scenes featuring the Desperate Housewives beauty and her NBA star hubby Tony Parker. If the tape is genuine, it is tipped to become the biggest sex tape unearthed since Paris Hilton's One Night In Paris. Latest reports from the States suggest the video HAS made its way online, but only on paid for sites."

Well, I guess there are worse things than an Eva Longoria sex tape. Some might say acid rain or gays in the military. Some might even say the sex tape I made with that chick who plays Ugly Betty. Look, I was going through a difficult time in my life at the time and she took advantage of me. My friends think that's why I'm unable to find love.