George Clooney must browse cocktail waitress websites in his spare time, because he's currently dating, Lucy Wolvert (HERE), yet another cocktail waitress. Much like his last girlfriend, Sarah Larson (you can read more about her here, here, and here). George is an A-list movie star, so you'd think he could do better than a thinly veiled prostitute. It just doesn't make any sense. Like hot white chicks with wiggers. But, hey, I'm just a website writer. Cocktail waitresses' vaginas could be made out of cashmere and wonder for all I know.

Barack Obama doesn't fear terrorism, but he does fear filling up on Johnny Cakes before the peach cobbler is served.

Rip Torn knows the ground isn't level, and here I thought it was just me this whole time. [DListed]

This horrible album cover better be the last we ever hear of Sanjaya, or I'm calling immigration like the bigot I've always feared I am. [Seriously?OMG!WTF?]

Kristin Cavallari's 80s costume must have come with authentic 80s cocaine. [Hollywood Tuna]

What George Clooney would look like if we lost all respect for him [CityRag]

PETA begs Bristol Palin to give peas a chance. Meanwhile, I just killed a koala by choking it with my fist. [Celebitchy]

Pink would give Carey Hart away if he married again. Good news, because it's not like he'll fetch top dollar. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Don't you just want to shove something in Reese Witherspoon's mouth when she opens it like that? [Just Jared]

Life & Style magazine doesn’t exactly have the journalistic integrity of say, a People magazine, but it does occasionally beat the Weekly World News - Turns out Bat Boy is totally made up. I know that news broke my heart.

Here’s the group that sat down to dinner on December 20th: Paris Hilton, George Clooney, Ridley Scott, head of Marvel Studios David Maisel, and Paris’ BFF winner Brittany Flickinger. Why this motley crew assembled is anyone’s guess (and until it is out of the pages of Life & Style, it is just that: a guess), but the accusation made by the mag is that Clooney and Hilton have got some sort of flirtation going on.

This wasn’t the first time they had met, apparently, with one of Paris’ “friends” saying the couple had also met one-on-one at The Whiskey Bar. "Paris and George sat and talked together for ages. They didn't seem to be aware of anyone else in the room," said the author of this fictional piece unnamed source.

Let’s just make this perfectly clear: if any body part below George Clooney’s waist is unclothed, it should at no time be touching any part of Paris Hilton. This includes the fictional scenario of Clooney accidentally brushing his knee against Paris’ should he be jogging in shorts in the proximity of the heiress.

Under no circumstances can George Clooney continue to flirt with Paris Hilton and not start disgusting me. He’s George Clooney, and she’s that rich girl made famous by a sex tape. At least Sarah Larson didn’t have a sex tape.

Here are some pictures of Paris in Australia, where she hopefully stays because it is far away from George Clooney. And from us.

We've been experiencing technical issues all day today, so sorry about wishing you Happy New Year for two days now. We apparently really meant it. Anyway, all the crap we've been working on this morning will be up soon, so please stop sending me emails about my mother. I know you think you're upset about not seeing any new posts today, but just take a look at Sad Britney! She can hardly believe it!

Rush & Molloy is reporting that George Clooney has quietly started dating his on-and-off girlfriend since 2002, the greatest softcore porn actress off all time - Krista Allen.

"George and Krista dated for close to two years, till Allen broke it off in March 2004. He moved on to model Lisa Snowden, but then he and Krista tried again in 2006. After that, he dated Sarah Larson, cocktail waitress and "Fear Factor" winner, for most of a year. Throughout, says a friend, "Krista has always been there for him. She admits she just can't get over him." And something about Krista brings him back. "George really loves her," says the source. A relationship with Krista, 37, would mean a ready-made family for George, 47, who once vowed that he wouldn't remarry or have children by the time he was 50. Krista has an 11-year-old son, Jake, with production manager Justin Moritt. But it may not be an issue. Says the source, "George adores Krista's son."

Krista Allen has been hot forever, George Clooney looks like he'd still be getting choice vagina even if he wasn't "George Clooney," and they seem to have some sort of connection, so I really have nothing bad to say. Unless of course you're counting what I've been saying about that shirt you keep wearing. Dude, seriously. Fubu? What's up with that?

These are naked and NSFW:

Pictured: Cindy Crawford topless in Italy with her husband and George Clooney.

Not pictured: The threesome you had with your hand and a Fleshlight last night.



Photos: Splash

In the most shocking news since I pushed the on button and found my rabbit dildo dead again, George Clooney dumped his latest whore. How much was the slut settlement, I wonder? ITW reports:

George Clooney has broken up with Sarah Larson after nearly a year of dating. According to a friend of Sarah's, the Leatherheads star recently moved out of his LA home while the 29-year-old former Las Vegas cocktail waitress removed her belongings. "George is relieved to be single again," says an insider. "He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her." As In Touch previously reported, George, 47, and Sarah struggled to make their relationship work because of their different backgrounds. "The truth is they had little in common and he just doesn't want to be tied down," explains the insider. George's rep told In Touch: "I can only confirm that we have never commented on George's personal life."

Yeah, yeah, blah blah. She was outed as the gold digging skank she is, so Georgie scooted her ass to the curb on some Moving Men. And stop saying she's from Las Vegas because she's not. Vegas natives, like me, don't want to be associated with whore imports like Sarah who move here looking for a quick buck. If she was from Vegas we'd accept her as a classy whore, but she's not. She came here to get paid under the table (or on the nightstand), and contribute nothing to the local economy. If that transient, carpetbagging nobody had a prettier face, then I'd say take that droopy eyed one trick pony George Clooney for all he has, but this seems more like Clooney charity work. Bitch looks like she chews tree bark and eats other animals' fur mites.




Note: I loved O Brother, Where Art Thou?, so that's a Clooney get outta jail free card. Everything else is cheesy and played, other than The Facts of Life, natch.

In an interview in this week's New Yorker, George Clooney says he hired his driver, a policeman, to track a mysterious caller who left a voicemail at his house, telling him to dump Sarah Larson. Page Six says:

On the voice mail, which Clooney plays to the mag's Ian Parker in front of Larson for the first time, a calm, middle-age male voice is heard saying: "Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you're sorry!" '"Before you're sorry'?" a surprised Larson parrots, before launching into a diatribe about how she's been raked over the coals in endless gossip over her relationship with Clooney. "They say that I'm a stripper. There's a ton of stuff about that. I've never been a stripper. You know, just because I'm from Las Vegas, I must be a stripper. Because I'm a cocktail server, that means I'm an escort."

Meanwhile, Larson's ex-boyfriend, Tommy McKaughan, says Larson is always naked. He tells The Sun:

Sarah's a total hippy at heart, heavily into all the spiritual, mystic stuff - crystals, tarot cards, healing. "And along with her witch-like charms she's a brilliant fun girl with NO inhibitions. She loves nothing more than getting NAKED in a forest. "Some of our wildest nights were out in the woods romping in the grass and under canvas." "Some of my favorite memories are of walking into Sarah's cramped bedroom and finding her naked, surrounded by candles. "She'd tell me to lie on the bed as she mixed together all manner of oils and then slowly rub them all over me."

I think the only question at this point is, does George Clooney still have to pay in cash? I hope not, because they seem so close.