Angelina was seriously giving Brad this look all night. The "you're getting your balls drained and a sandwich of your choice as soon as we get home" look.

The Oscars' half sister who only gets to see their dad every other weekend and every other holiday but not even then because her mom is on meth and therefore not very reliable the courts are involved now were last night, and it was even more mind-numbingly more boring than you'd imagined. Ricky Gervais was supposed to come and be funny again, but NBC only let him on stage for five minutes. And Madonna won an award. And somebody let a serial leg rapist dog with ADHD on stage. And I'm pretty sure Sidney Poitier died. Just a bad night all around. Anyway, here's who won:

Best Motion Picture - Drama
The Descendants

Best Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical
The Artist

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion PictureChristopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Director - Motion Picture
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Screenplay - Motion Picture
Midnight in Paris

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt:



George Clooney and OMG Just Glad To Be Here Guys I'm Dating George Clooney Don't Know If You Heard:



Sofia Vergara andsweetlordinheavendaddylike:



Gerard Butler and oh look Jess' ovaries just dropped and she's knitting something now:



Charlize Theron and probably a one-hitter hidden somewhere in that dress:



Kate Beckinsale and I just came twice I'm sleepy :



Salma Hayek and Siri what's Spanish for "motorboat"?:



Jessica Alba and why was she there it was about acting oh that's right tits:

1. First movie premiere: Covered up, George Clooney openly staring at strange ass.

2. Second movie premiere: Tits pushed up to her chin, George actually looked at her.

3. Third movie premiere: NAILED IT!

George Clooney retired Elisabetta Canalis's tail, and she needs to stay relevant, so she's giving interviews about their relationship. And, uh... E! Online reports:

The Dancing With the Stars contestant and former Clooney girlfriend reveals in Italian journalist Bruno Vespa's new book Questo Amore (This Love) that her relationship with one of Hollywood's biggest hunks was "more of a father-daughter relationship," which she "was unable to clarify...'til now." Canalis further "clarifies" her feelings towards Clooney as: "the person who valued my feminine side the most" and "one of the best people I have met from a charitable point of view," explaining, "he has been special for me, and very important, just as a father would be."

Unless she got really confused when he asked "Who's your daddy?" in bed, I can't really wrap my head around that statement, because I've never fucked my dad. If she really needs an understanding perspective, she may want to talk to this chick. I'm only speculating, but it would probably confirm everything.

Trying to make up for the horrific mistake she made in New York that made George Clooney scan the room for new ass, Stacy Keibler read Sun Tzu and now understands her enemy as herself. So she showed up to the BFI London Film Festival with her rack hanging out. Doctor's now say that George Clooney's penis is in remission and Stacy has bought herself at least a few more months.

George Clooney has gone from banging Stacy Keibler in private to being seen with her in public, so here's the happy couple at the NYC Film Festival premiere of The Descendants last night. Well, I mean Stacy Keibler looks happy. George Clooney might be happy if the girl attached to the ass he's staring at can keep her mouth shut after he finger bangs her while Stacy is in the bathroom. Why bitches always gotta talk?

Less than a month after dumping his girlfriend of two years, Elisabetta Canalis, because she thought the word "marriage" out loud, George Clooney is now banging Stacy Keibler. Of course he is. Life & Style reports:

Life & Style can exclusively reveal that George has been getting cozy with former WWE star and Dancing With the Stars contestant Stacy Keibler. An insider tells Life & Style that Stacy recently flew to Italy to spend time with George at his villa in Lake Como. "I'm in heaven," Stacy tweeted about her trip. Though they seem to be an unlikely pair, George and Stacy have been acquaintances for some time and were set up by a mutual friend, the insider reveals. "They have a lot of friends in common and run in the same circles," another pal tells the magazine, on newsstands now. But Stacy -- who split with her longtime boyfriend, 7th Heaven star Geoff Stults, a year ago -- isn't looking for a commitment, which suits George just fine. "He's enjoying spending time with Stacy, but he just got out of a two-year relationship," says the insider. "George isn't ready for anything serious. This fling is purely for fun."

You know that photo montage they show at the end of the Oscars of actors who died? When Clooney eventually dies during sex, instead of that, they should dip his dick in gold as pass it around the audience so he can fuck everybody on the waiting list.

George Clooney’s next movie is The American in which he plays an assassin hiding out in the Italian countryside. To promote the film, the director, former photographer Anton Corbijn, did a photoshoot for the September issue of W magazine with the cast on location. Included in that shoot is this picture of Clooney doing pull-ups without a shirt, and I think I can speak for most women when I say, “eh”. The man is undeniably handsome, but in a classic-Cary Grantish-looks great in a suit-kinda way, not an oh my god I wanna run my tongue along your eight pack kinda way. Let’s leave the shirtlessness to Matthew McConaughey, k Georgie boy?

Don’t worry baby, I still love you!

Witnesses in a cocaine scandal, which involved the closing of clubs in Milan and Los Angeles and lead to the arrest of five people, has named George Clooney's girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis, in their testimony.

RadarOnline.com has discovered that Canalis has been implicated in an Italian cocaine scandal where one witness testified: “I’ve done cocaine with other people including Elisabetta Canalis.” According to one of Italy’s most prestigious newspapers, Corriere della Sera, an investigation was launched in 2008 into two Milan, Italy nightclubs that were allegedly running an escort and prostitution ring fueled by alcohol and cocaine. Those nightclubs were regularly frequented by celebrities. “They [the girls] were brought into the clubs by the various characters acting as PR for the evenings to entertain customers at the tables of the private club,” prosecutor Frank Di Maio stated in the investigative documents. “Their job was to encourage these customers to drink alcohol as to increase the table’s bill, followed up by sex off premises.”

It's kinda hard to tell from this story, but was Elisabetta Canalis one of the celebrities or one of the prostitutes? Also, what is this lump on my arm? It's really starting to freak me out.