A model said something stupid? GTFO!

The supermodel's latest gaffe: claiming she doesn't use sun tan lotions because all of the chemicals they contain.

"I cannot put this poison on my skin," Bundchen -- who has appeared in ad campaigns for Nivea Sun products -- said at the launch of her own organic skin care range, according to the UK's Daily Mail. "I do not use anything synthetic."

Instead, the leggy beauty says she protects herself from sun damage by only exposing herself to rays before 8 A.M.

However, cancer experts have been quick to question Bundchen's expertise on the matter.

"Sunscreen prevents damage to the skin and is of fundamental importance for the prevention of cancer," said Dolival Loao, head of dermatology at Brazil's National Cancer Institute. "This is not any poison, when a public person makes a statement like this, it creates confusion."

Give me a break. If Gisele really insisted on not using anything synthetic, she would never leave the house with makeup, self tanner, hair extensions, or fake eyelashes ever again. Since that won't happen, she's lashing out at something she used to endorse in order to gain publicity for something different she's currently selling. If this "creates confusion" for anyone, they probably took all of their classes in a room with ramp access.

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady welcomed his second child (the first that he didn't leave while the mother was pregnant) with supermodel Gisele Bundchen. Page Six reports:

It's a boy for Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady. People is reporting the pair have welcomed their first child. Brady has 2-year-old son Jack with ex Bridget Moynahan. The New England Patriots quarterback and the Brazilian supermodel tied the knot during a private ceremony back in February and then held a reception in Costa Rica in July.

To reiterate, Tom Brady is prettier than your girlfriend, is a two-time Super Bowl MVP, and an international supermodel didn't mind if he didn't pull out. Awesome. In recognition of their special day, I would just like to say fuck you, Tom Brady.

NOTE: No, I don't mean "three-time Super Bowl Champion". I mean "two-time Super Bowl MVP". Thanks, though.

I'm a little confused because these ultra sexy pictures of Gisele Bundchen are from a magazine called, Numero, but they are for Numero's Tokyo Edition, which explains some of the "I'm a Space Alien sent to sell you Bento shaped like Space Aliens" facial expressions. What's not explained is how someone in Tokyo asks for Numero Magazine. I'm guessing "Noom-Ro."

Oh, the charm of mild racism.

Insert topical Swine Flu reference here.

Meet Uri Cortez, the bureau chief for AFP press agency. He's a paparazzi. And while he was trying to take creepy spy pictures of Gisele Bundchen's Costa Rican re-wedding to Tom Brady, someone shot at him. He reported to the Costa Rican police that Bundchen's security team fired a bullet at him as he sat in his car, smashing the rear window and bouncing off the front windscreen, missing his head by inches.

What a noble profession where you get shot at and unironically sell your story off to the very companies that would have bought Gisele/Brady re-wedding pics in the first place. We got ours from Splash.

After dating for almost three years, New England Patriots quarterback(?) Tom Brady and model Gisele Bundchen were married yesterday in Santa Monica. Us Magazine reports:

The bride, 28, donned a form-fitting ivory lace strapless gown with a trumpet skirt, scalloped edges, long train and a floor-length veil with attached handmade satin roses and attached satin headband, all by Dolce & Gabbana. Her three dogs also wore matching Dolce & Gabbana floral lace collars....The ceremony -- which began at dusk -- was "very small and intimate," a source tells Us, adding that guests mostly consisted of immediate family. Brady's son with ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, John Edward Thomas Moynahan, was also present.

Bridget Moynahan was pregnant when Tom Brady started dating Gisele, so I bet this wasn't awkward. Not at all. When asked for comment, Bridget said, "So let me get this straight. I plug the hose directly into the tailpipe, right?"

In a recent interview, Leonardo DiCaprio revealed he was a "slow starter" with women. I really hope he doesn't expect me to feel sorry for him.

"He said: "I've always been a slow starter. My first date was with a girl called Cessi. We had a beautiful relationship over the phone all summer and then when we met I couldn't look her in the eye." The 33-year-old star - who recently revealed he is keen to put his playboy lifestyle behind him and settle down - is notoriously secretive about his private life, but claims he has to be in order to ensure he is believable as an actor."

What a touching story. Poor Leonardo. He had to suffer through that embarrassment just so he could live to get balls deep in Helena Christensen, Gisele Bundchen, and Bar Refaeli. I just don't know how he managed to live like that. My penis heard me reading this and he picked up a megaphone and started passing out flyers in protest.

Bar Refaeli:


Gisele Bundchen:


Helena Christensen (NSFW):

Apparently somebody entered me into a competition to see how many bare asses I could get on the front page, so here's Gisele Bundchen's at a Malibu photoshoot this week. Yay me! The Sun says:

The Brazilian beauty got her perfect rear into gear during a Marin Testino photo-shoot in Malibu this week. Fresh from a trip to Ibiza with Vogue, Gisele sizzled in bizarre thong-style micro-shorts. A delighted holidaymaker told me: "It's normally Gisele's boobs and legs which grab the limelight but there was no mistaking her fine bottom. "I think all of the staff were a tad jealous when a bearded man had to apply oil to her bum cheeks."

If I was that actual bearded man, I probably wouldn't be into women, but on the off-chance I was, I'm pretty sure I would cut my hand off and place it upon a satin pillow inside a glass case. And shining on that glass case would a be light, a beacon if you will, a beacon of hope for all those who traveled to ask my hand to heal their sick and contact their dead loved ones. The hand would enjoy feasts and parades as young virgins were offered up to him. And there would be much rejoicing. You know, something like that.

After a perfect 16-0 regular season, the New England Patriots lost 17-14 to the New York Giants last night in Super Bowl XLII. So I guess that means Gisele Bundchen needs to get naked. The Sportsman's Daily (satire) reports:

In the aftermath of their 21-12 victory over the San Diego Chargers, Tom Brady's celebrated girlfriend startled onlookers by promising to run naked down Broadway in the unlikely event the Patriots lose to the Arizona-bound N.Y. Giants -- unlikely until the very moment she parted her full lips and made the surprise announcement."

Just so we're clear, a naked Victoria's Secret model running down the street will never happen. Never. Just like with everything else involving the Patriots this weekend, it'll just turn out to be hype and a fucking tease. Wow, it must suck living in Foxboro today. An artists' rendition of New England Patriots' fans include a plane crashed into a side of a barn and a cat with a bowl of spaghetti on its head.

Victoria's Secret Super Bowl stuff: