The 4th season of Heroes starts tonight and you should really check it out, because NBC paid me a lot of money to convince you to it really is a kick ass show. It stars the always hot Ali Larter, Hayden Panettiere in a cheerleading uniform, an Asian guy, and that one guy from Near Dark. Oh, and it also stars that one dude from that one thing! He's awesome! So if you love me like you say in your letters you'll watch it tonight. If not, I'm not even really sure what you bring to this relationship anymore. God, why does everything have to be about you?!

Hollywood is a place where chicks go when they dream of stardom. Also, if you're a chick, it's a good place to get your ass kicked. What fun! TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned Hayden Christensen's brother, producer Tove Christensen, was arrested early this morning for felony assault with a deadly weapon -- when he allegedly dragged his girlfriend around 30 feet after she clung to the side of his car. LAPD responded to a 911 call in Hollywood around 2:30 AM after an argument broke out between the couple. Witnesses told law enforcement that Christensen pushed her to the ground and hopped in his car -- but when his GF reached inside to grab her purse, Tove hit the gas and dragged her down the street. When police arrived, the girlfriend had visible marks on her arm. They later tracked down Tove at his L.A. home and arrested him.

Man, Chris Brown and Joe Francis got nothing on this guy. I bet they're at home right now writing him thank you cards and wondering what kind of gift certificate to get him, because when you're a uncontrollable lunatic who can't handle his emotions, hearing about some dude dragging his girlfriend behind his car has to be pretty impressive.

I was gonna post pictures of Hayden Christensen, but when I typed in "Hayden Christensen", the pic forums pulled up these pics of Hayden Panettiere in these tight little shorts. Pic forums, what perverts those guys are!

I realize that if I want to be one of the cool kids, I going to have to think Hayden Panettiere is hot, and she's been really trying this month by shopping in the women's department, but I just can't see it, man. I mean, sure, I'd fuck her, but I can't shake the feeling that if I went down on her I'd have to unsnap her onesie and borrow her bib then give her a lollipop and a "I Was So Brave!" sticker like the nurse would give her after a shot.

I don't own a yacht, but if I did, I'd like to think I'd invite chicks who didn't look like they should be going to a 7th grade slumber party. Look, I appreciate the bikini, but you can't tell me that before these picture were taken Hayden wasn't putting puffy stickers on her Jonas brother notebook and watching iCarly. Or telling Becky that she saw Kyle kissing Jessica after Mr. Winfield's class. She's such a whore!

Kittehs will never understand the teknullogee. [CityRag]

Wanda Sykes had twins: one for each vagina in her relationship. [FatBackMedia]

The wind and gravity were too much for Aisleyne Horgan who saw celebrity nip slips and raised them a whole tit. Site NSFW. [TaxiDriverMovie]

The new Hilary Duff pregnancy rumor sounds eerily similar to Lindsay Lohan pregnancy rumors. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Tori Spelling is in Cookie magazine, which I only know because it got mixed up in my porno when I thought it was called Cookies Magazine. [ImNotObsessed]

This blog asks: "Is John Mayer a Sleaze?" as if we didn't know the answer to that question already. [ICYDK]

In a tabloid smackdown like the Us Weekly Vs. In Touch one going on right now, are there any winners or just losers who aren't credible? [AllieIsWired!]

Things have gotten bad enough for Jennifer Aniston that even Bette Midler is giving her dating advice. Bette. Midler. [Celebitchy]

Hayden Panettiere is at Cannes supporting her new film short people? [LaineyGossip]

It might be because I just woke up, but Hayden Panettiere looked kinda doable at the Star Trek premiere last night. Notice I said "kinda". Mostly because she's like 3 feet tall and has a freakishly giant head. I'd really have to talk my penis into this, because fucking her would be like fucking a koala or one of the Shirt Tales.

(btw, is that tat on her back real?)

A/X Watches had a launch party last night and apparently the way to get actresses to your party is to give them free stuff. Lindsay Lohan looks like death, so you know she was there like an hour early pacing back and forth and chewing her nails in front of the window, so she could hurry up and take whatever she got to the pawn shop. Kristen Bell is only slightly more overrated than an ACC football team and if Hayden Panettiere's head got any bigger, she'd be levitating cars. But the only reason I'm posting these is because of the absolutely adorable Sophia Bush. I kinda almost don't want to sex with her. She's almost too cute. I mean, I would of course, but I'd be afraid I'd poke the talking baby koala cub or the magical pixie that lives in her vagina.

I wonder what people will be saying about her prom dress this year. [EbaumNation]

Hayden Panettiere swims with sharks. I would make a joke, but these pictures are actually pretty damn cool. [ICYDK]

You can just see the beginnings of a crack in this Sarah Connor photo. I think it's called a liberty bell shot... because calling it an "cocaine derivative introduced by the government to prey on the poor black population" shot is not PC anymore. Site NSFW. [TaxiDriverMovie]

Ryan Reynolds admits having a man-crush on Robert Pattinson. Which means Scarlett Johansson is wide open for a guided tour of affair town. [ImNotObsessed]

Does Miriah Carey have a new big diamond necklace? Of course. [LaineyGossip]

Awww. Is Brad Pitt's life stressful? Awwwww. Pwoor Bwad. [FatbackMedia]

And why has it been so hard to find interesting links? Maybe Heidi Montag can explain what day it is. [Twitter]

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