The circle jerk that is the 81st Academy Awards announced their nominations today. Here are the top six categories:

BEST PICTURE
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
MILK
THE READER
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

BEST DIRECTOR
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON - David Fincher
FROST/NIXON - Ron Howard
MILK - Gus Van Sant
THE READER - Stephen Daldry
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE - Danny Boyle

BEST ACTOR
Richard Jenkins for THE VISITOR
Frank Langella for FROST/NIXON
Sean Penn for MILK
Brad Pitt for THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Mickey Rourke for THE WRESTLER

BEST ACTRESS
Anne Hathaway for RACHEL GETTING MARRIED
Angelina Jolie for CHANGELING
Melissa Leo for FROZEN RIVER
Meryl Streep for DOUBT
Kate Winslet for THE READER

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Josh Brolin for MILK
Robert Downey Jr. for TROPIC THUNDER
Philip Seymour Hoffman for DOUBT
Heath Ledger for THE DARK KNIGHT
Michael Shannon for REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams for DOUBT
Penelope Cruz for VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
Viola Davis for DOUBT
Tarija P. Henson for THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Marisa Tomei for THE WRESTLER

No Gran Turino, no The Dark Knight, no Wall-E, no The Wrestler for Best Picture? Man, thanks Academy! Movies about a Nazi guard who likes to be read to and interviews from thirty years ago sound way more exciting! I can't wait to see who wins!!

Heath Ledger on the set of his last film. He died one year ago today. R.I.P.:

After almost eight months of finding nothing, the federal investigation into Heath Ledger's death has been officially closed. Mary-Kate Olsen was reportedly set to be subpoenaed later this month, but the U.S. Attorney's office apparently saw enough of the DEA going around the country interviewing models and actresses over an accidental overdose and shut the entire investigation down. TMZ reports:

Sources connected with the Heath Ledger investigation say the Drug Enforcement Administration set a new low for starfucking. People who have talked to TMZ off the record are now willing to go on record -- still anonymously -- about one of the most bizarre DEA power grabs ever. How's this for starters ... no one we've spoken with connected with the case can point to a single DEA case where a massive investigation was launched over an accidental death in which no criminality was even hinted at. We know the DEA went all over the country, in one case tracking down a guy in California who smoked a joint with Ledger in the '90s, telling him he had to testify in a Grand Jury probe. And how's this for chutzpah ... the DEA told the guy he would have to pay his own way to NYC to testify before the Grand Jury!...We know the NYPD was furious at the DEA for making an immediate power grab to control what should have been a simple case. NYPD cops felt "humiliated" by what one source called "utter disrespect" on the part of the DEA. As for the U.S. Attorney's office, we're told officials say they were appalled at what they felt was a "bogus" investigation."

Well, I guess you can't really blame the DEA for wanting to interview Michelle Williams and Helena Christensen. Because, you know, it's always good to question people who have absolutely nothing to do with the victim at the time of his death. Instead of these two, the DEA should have interviewed my neighbor's cats. Although in the DEA's defense, my neighbor's cats don't have nice tits.

Mary-Kate Olsen last month:

New York Post is reporting that Mary-Kate Olsen is refusing to speak with federal investigators as part of their probe into Heath Ledger's death without being first granted immunity from prosecution. During the initial investigation, the NYPD didn't interview Olsen although her masseuse found Ledger's body, and instead of calling 911 when she got the call from her masseuse, Olsen told her bodyguards to go Ledger's apartment. Yeah, the feds want to know that the fuck was up with that.

The actress' lawyer has repeatedly rebuffed attempts by the feds to question Olsen, who was the first person called after her masseuse discovered Ledger's body in his SoHo apartment in January. Frustrated federal officials could obtain a grand-jury subpoena to compel the funky "Full House" actress to tell them whatever she knows about the "Dark Knight" star's behavior, his possible drug use and the events of that fateful morning, according to sources."

The crux of the federal investigation is exactly how Ledger obtained the OxyContin found in his room without a prescription. Everyone has been cooperative, except for Olsen:

Ms. [Michelle] Williams was extremely nice and cooperative," a source said. Another added, "Everyone has been very eager to help, saying what a great guy Heath Ledger was, everyone except Mary-Kate, who has refused to speak." That source explained that Olsen would be the final witness they need to conclude their investigation into where he got his drugs and medicines. Ledger - whose performance as the Joker in "The Dark Knight" has ignited Oscar buzz - died of a potent cocktail of prescription drugs and OxyContin, the latter of which was likely obtained illegally."

I don't want to jump to conclusions here, but if you're running short on OxyContin, you could have worse ideas than calling Mary-Kate Olsen. That is of course if her role of "tampon" in the women's prison play doesn't create any scheduling conflicts.

By taking in $155.34 million in it's first three days, The Dark Knight has officially broken the record for biggest opening day weekend in movie history, beating Spider-Man 3 by $4 million. Duh. FOX News reports:

We knew it would be big, but we never expected to dominate the marketplace like we did," said Dan Fellman, head of distribution for Warner Bros., which released "The Dark Knight." The movie should shoot past the $200 million mark by the end of the week, he said....The movie's release was preceded by months of buzz and speculation over the performance of the late Heath Ledger as the Joker, Batman's nemesis. Ledger, who died in January from an accidental prescription-drug overdose, played the Joker as a demonic presence, his performance prompting predictions that the role might earn him a posthumous Academy Award nomination. "The average opening gross of the last five `Batman' movies is $47 million. This tripled that, and for a reason," said Paul Dergarabedian, president of Media By Numbers. "A big part of that was the Heath Ledger mystique and a phenomenal performance that absolutely deserves the excitement surrounding it."

Although I wouldn't go so far to call The Dark Knight a masterpiece, it was amazingly awesome and all the hype about Heath Ledger's performance wasn't hype. He was fucking great. If Heath's performance was a girl, I'd try to throw it in the backseat and get it pregnant. So, it's really no surprise that the movie is expected to break $200 million by the end of the week. Making in hot on the heels of Meet Dave, which is expected to break $200 million by the year 2057.

Update:


The new trailer for The Dark Knight isn't supposed to be released until Sunday, but due to technological advancements in cell phones and the magic of the Internet, you can see it today. It looks freakin' amazing, of course, and by the way, I'm calling it now - Heath Ledger will win Best Supporting Actor whether he deserves it or not. The only way he could be more of a lock is if The Joker had down syndrome or could only write with his left foot.

Note: 2:00 - 2:01 = Helloooo, Two-Face.

Two months after he was found dead from an accidental overdose in a New York apartment, Heath Ledger's uncle claims Heath secretly fathered a child with an older woman when he was 17. The Daily Telegraph says:

Ledger was a 17-year-old schoolboy when he had an affair with an older woman who is thought to have only discovered she was pregnant after their relationship ended. The woman was living with another man at the time of the alleged affair. Yesterday, Ledger's uncle, Hadyn Ledger said: "There is a very real possibility that Heath was the father." If it is confirmed that Ledger is the girl's biological father, it could split his multi-million dollar estate between his two-year-old daughter Matilda Rose with Hollywood actress Michelle Williams, and his secret love child."

I'm not sure what the "multi-million estate" is they are talking about, because at the time of his death, Ledger's will only listed $145,000 in assets. So it's time to ask some tough moral questions about who is entitled to the money. Questions like, do you know that baby from the E*TRADE commercials? Yeah, don't tell his mother I work here.

Note: The banner picture is a joke. If you don't think it's funny, then you need an enema.

Although her boyfriend overdosed just over a month ago, Mary-Kate Olsen is now reportedly dating "Italian Playboy", Lapo Elkann (this smooth operator). Famous for being the heir to the $7.3 billion Fiat fortune, Elkann also spent three months in a coma after a cocaine and heroin overdose in the home of a transsexual in 2005. Star Magazine says:

Mary-Kate and Lapo seemed very cozy" while sitting next to each other at the Giambattista Valli fashion show on Feb. 28, says a source. "Lapo's a good-looking guy, and Mary-Kate seemed to love the attention she was getting from him." MK, 21, and Lapo, 30, are certainly no strangers to each other. They have been linked many times together on the international party circuit. "Perhaps, this time in Paris, they'll strike up a romance," says the source."

Most dudes aren't into Mary-Kate Olsen for the same reason they aren't into child porn, so I'm confused how she manages to convince guys to date her. Even this dork. I imagine $7.3 billion could at least buy you a chick without a training bra. Unless science discovers that Mary-Kate's vagina is made of silk and honey, I'm struggling to think of a scenario where I'd want her straddling me.

Mary-Kate at the John Galliano fashion show in Paris, March 1st:

Early in 2007, Heath Ledger directed and starred in a music video for "Black Eyed Dog", a song by the late British folk singer Nick Drake's. Heath made the video as a tribute for the artist for whom Ledger was obsessed. The Nine Network gained exclusive rights to the video, which has only been shown in public twice and shows "disorienting" and "eerie" images that include Ledger drowning himself in the final scene. Drake (if you've never heard of him, you probably recognize this) committed suicide in 1974 at the age of 26 by overdosing on the anti-depressant, amitriptyline.

Ledger made the video on a hand-held camera in early 2007 as part of an exhibition celebrating the work of Drake, with whom Ledger said he was "obsessed". It has so far only been glimpsed twice in public, at Seattle's Bumbershoot festival in September 2007 and again in Los Angeles the following month. Speaking about Drake at the Venice film festival last September, Ledger said: "Nick Drake is a very mysterious figure. I was obsessed with his story and music and I still have great hopes to tell his story one day."

Wait, you mean to tell me that Heath Ledger liked Nick Drake's music then ended up dying in sorta kinda in the same way but not really? Whoa. What a coincidence! I was under the impression that Heath's death was a tragic accident, but now I know that this video is being shown to prove it might have been something more! It's also being shown for ratings, don't forget ratings! Thanks melodramatic Australian news anchor guy!


Note: At the :40 mark, you aren't going back in time, the video freaks out and starts over again.

Michelle Williams at Heath's memorial service: