In the new issue of Rolling Stone, Hulk Hogan says he could have dealt with his estranged wife, Linda, kicking him out of his $18 million mansion or burning through $40,000 a day a little differently. And by that I mean chopping her head off. Page Six reports:

"I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat," he told the magazine. "You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it."

Now, a day later, and I know this may come as a surprise, but Linda Hogan is now sleeping in a suit of armor and booby trapping her house like that chick did when she fought Freddy Kreuger. Her rep says:

"We have always maintained that the fear that Linda has had to live with comes from the rage and instability much too often associated with pro wrestlers," Gary Smith says in a statement. "Linda and her family are taking these recent homicidal comments seriously. Linda's attorney Ray Rafool is weighting all options necessary to protect his client."

Man, what's the world coming to? You can't even make a passing joke about your detailed plan to stalk and decapitate your ex-wife without everybody getting all huffy and weird about it. What about laughter? Does anybody remember laughter?

Hulk Hogan, his daughter, and his girlfriend. Feel free to think this is creepy:

Hulk Hogan even turns his divorce hearings into Wrestlemania like arguments. [FadedYouthBlog]

That Joaquin Phoenix fight might have been staged. [Yahoo!]

The Pussycat Dolls recorded their own version of the Oscar winning song "Jai Ho." And their video is certainly full of Hos. [ImNotObsessed]

Hayden Panettiere insists she isn't trying to get Milo Ventimiglia fired from Heroes. Though I have to ask: Why not just fire her from Heroes? [ICYDK]

Kim Kardashian went shopping and used her ridiculous body to try on ridiculous clothes. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

"Evan Rachel Wood in lingerie" should be enough to get you to click what I want you to click. [Egotastic]

Is Natalie Portman all a-twitter over Twilight's Rob Pattinson? [JustJared]

Brooke Hogan wasn't cloned, this is just Brooke Hogan and her father's girlfriend, Jennifer McDaniel, at a pool in Miami. Hulk Hogan's girlfriend who looks exactly like his teenage daughter. Exactly. The only way these pictures could be more creepy is if they were wearing baby bonnets and using Hulk's penis as a pacifier.


Photos: Splash

A few months ago Hulk Hogan put suntan lotion in his hands and rubbed it out his 20 year old daughter's ass. He was even thoughtful enough to rub it in her ass crack. You remember that being creepy as hell, right? Yeah, apparently Brooke Hogan doesn't think so. US Magazine reports:

I know I'm a grown woman, but it's like he's touching an old car," the singer tells Us Weekly in its latest issue, on newsstands now. "He used to change my diaper!" she adds."

The last time I checked Brooke Hogan wasn't caught in a chemical spill that left her with T-Rex arms, so I'm gonna take a wild stab and say that she can put suntan lotion on her own ass. But she wants her dad to do it. Her dad. On her ass. If my mom wanted to put suntan lotion on my ass, they'd have to cut off her hands and let a chick in a Hooters calendar wear them as gloves. Even then they'd have to put glitter on them or paint rainbows on them or something, because I'd still know, man. I'd still know.

A judge denied Nick Hogan's request to serve the remainder of his sentence in his family's mansion, because as it turns out, spending less than month in jail after you pleaded no contest to reckless driving involving serious bodily injury which left your friend a permanent vegetable, doesn't really balance the scales of justice. Due to numerous media requests, the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office released pictures of a cell that is "identical to his cell in size, configuration and furnishings" as Nick Hogan's. So basically, here are pictures of wittle baby's cell. While John Graziano is unresponsive to light in his eyes or the voices of his parents, here's a list of Nick Hogan's daily activities:

Morning Breakfast:
Approx. 3:30 a.m. in the cell

Working away from the cell in Inmate Property Section:
Approximately 8:00 - 2:00 p.m. No work on Saturday and Sunday

Lunch:
Approx. 10:30 a.m. - in the Inmate Property Section

Visitation:
3:00 p.m - 4:00 p.m., Tuesday, Friday and Sunday at Video Visitation booth on the floor, down the hall from his cell.

Dinner:
Approx. 4:00 p.m. in the cell

Daily activities where Bollea is out of his cell also include; Attorney visits, recreation (1 hour), several daily telephone calls

Other services available to Bollea: Inmate library books are delivered, Chaplain services, inmate mail, law library materials are available by request, commissary items."

I'm not one to advocate physical violence, but if after Nick Hogan got raped by a battering ram and a pterodactyl swooped him up to feed his crybaby ass to her young, I think I could find it in my heart to get over it.

Update: Since he cried like a pussy, Nick Hogan was transferred last night to a cell with three other guys. This is so going to work out because I bet those three other dudes also live in Florida mansions whose privileged life of excess with their enabling parents who handed them everything they ever wanted airs on MTV. They'll all become instant friends because they'll be able to relate. The three other guys will be able to bond and share just how their missteps landed them in such a tight spot like Nick Hogan's asshole.



Source: Pinellas County Sheriff's Office

Last week, 26 hours of audio from Nick Hogan's jail phone calls were released that show just how heartbroken and remorseful Nick and the Hogan family are over the fact that John Graziano is a vegetable because traffic laws don't apply to them. And by "heartbroken and remorseful" I mean "how much money can Nick Hogan make off this?" Bay News 9 really wants you to punch a wall.

Hulk: "Well, I don't know what type of person John was. Or what he did to get himself in this situation. I know he was pretty aggressive and yelled at people and do stuff. And for some reason God laid some heavy shit on that kid. I don't know what he was into."

Nick: "He was a negative person.

Hulk: "He was what?"

Nick: "He was a negative person. Will you work on that Real-Ality deal?"

Hulk: "Yep"

Nick: "Get that lined up so the minute I walk out...wherever I walk out of it's there...boom."

Hulk: "Can you do it while you're on probation?"

Nick: "Of course."

Hulk: "Do you want to do it with Pink Sneakers or someone else?"

Nick: "I want to do it where I'll make the most money."

In another transcript, Linda Hogan says that John Graziano is a vegetable because of karma. And after her minor collision this weekend, Brooke Hogan repeatedly threw in jabs that she was alive because of her seatbealt. So if you thought the entire Hogan family were insufferable douchebags, congratulations! You were right. I'm pretty sure the devil is going to make sure they get a police escort to hell.

Hulk and Brock visiting Nick in jail:


Thanks, Stefanie!

On August 26, 2007, Nick Bollea (Nick Hogan) was racing his yellow Toyota Supra in the middle of downtown Clearwater, FL when he lost control and struck a median, flipped, then hit a palm tree. Nick Hogan (Bollea) escaped with minor injuries, but his passenger, 23 year old Marine and Iraqi war veteran, John J. Graziano, suffered massive head injuries and will remain in a nursing care facility for the rest of his life. Last week, Nick Hogan was sentenced to 8 months in prison. He's already falling apart. Page Six reports:

Nick Hogan is not doing well in jail, friends say. The son of pro wrestler Hulk Hogan started serving eight months in California's[sic] Pinellas County Jail on May 9 for a drunken-driving accident that left his best friend, John Graziano, in a coma. "Nick's doing really bad. He's struggling to even form a sentence," one friend said. "They have him in a cell by himself, isolated from the general population, because of threats. He didn't understand how awful jail really is until now." That will be small consolation to Graziano's relatives, who say Hogan has done very little for their son since the crash."

What a coincidence, because you know who else has trouble making sentences? John Graziano. That usually happens when you've had to get part of your brain removed. But I guess he should have thought about that before he tried to hang with somebody as cool as Nick. I hate it when people in comas always try to ruin your fun. Jeez, why don't you just get a life, people in comas!

To see a picture of what John Graziano looks like now, click here. (Note: The picture is a more disturbing than Hulk Hogan's face, so you've been warned.)

Why would Hulk Hogan oil the crack of his daughter's ass while she lays out at a pool? He's gotta do something, the competition for "World's Greatest Dad" is pretty stiff this year!


Thanks to that perv, Tyson, via email.