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Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal were on The Today Show this morning, and everything was going great until Anne Hathway told a joke. You can't see it, but Jake Gyllenhaal stood up and did two snaps up in a circle with his mind.

This week's cover of Entertainment Weekly tells me that Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway have sex scenes and chemistry in their new movie Love & Other Drugs. Man, I can't wait for the sexy secrets that are in store! Not really. This shit looks like the cover of a lesbian commitment ceremony invitation.

Vern Troyer got wasted for his 40th Birthday, then put on a sailor hat and rode his buddy around. [TMZ] Dunken Vern will answer your questions this Sunday. Comment it up, people.

Meryl Streep is Julia Child, which might be confusing because one is dead and the other was in Mama Mia, a movie that made me wish I was dead.[Just Jared]

The Kardashian Sisters all looked the same on New Years Eve, which was great news for fugly Khloe, and a horrible down-grade for Kim. [Bastardly]

Kathy Griffin won't come to where you work and knock the dicks out of your mouth. And she said that standing next to Anderson Cooper. [DListed]

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are so boring, they probably went to a Farmer's Market every weekend this year. This is where the punchline would be if that was a joke. [Socialite's Life]

Kate Bosworth gets the honor of first nipple-pics of 2009. Congratulations. Now don't make another Superman movie, because you helped it suck. [Egotastic]

I finally found something scarier than clowns: celebrity clowns. [City Rag]

Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon have been dating since last year, but it looks like things might be falling apart since Gyllenhaal has been spending 19-hour days on the Morocco and London sets of his new movie, Prince of Persia (yes, the video game) Star Magazine reports:

This is his first epic, and his mind is on his work," a pal of Reese's tells Star. "They talk on the phone and e-mail, but he's not 'there.' Reese is wondering if this is how it's going to be between them every time he's out of the country filming." The relationship hit such a rough patch that Reese, 32, flew to London for a quick rendezvous with Jake, 27, at The Dorchester hotel in mid-September. "They really needed to reconnect and remember why they were in a relationship in the first place," says another source."

Let's be honest here. Jake Gyllenhaal is running around all day in silk pants and his shirt off. It was only a matter of time before he remembered he liked penises. And it will only be a matter of time before the government pays for erasing my memory and leaving me for dead. Or so they thought......


Photos: Splash

Although he says he wishes his ex-wife, Reese Witherspoon, and friend, Jake Gyllenhaal the best, Ryan Phillippe now says he doesn't like looking at pictures of the new couple. I don't either. They're boring. Us Magazine reports:

It's bizarre," the Stop-Loss star, 33, tells USA Today. "There's plenty of times when I say, 'What a strange situation I've found myself in.' But at a certain point you know it's going to happen, so you are prepared in some fashion."

Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon split in 2006 while Phillippe was filming Stop Loss. Coincidentally, right around the time he starting banging his co-star, Abbie Cornish. They've been quietly dating ever since. So, I'm kinda having a hard time believing he's up nights trying to figure out ways to avoid seeing pictures of these two. He's probably just saying this to perpetuate the myth that Jake Gyllenhaal can get close to a vagina without giggling.

Jake Gyllenhaal's publicist must not be part of the WGA, because according to a "leaked" report, Reese Witherspoon allegedly turned down a marriage proposal from Gyllenhaal. A source says:

Reese says it is just too soon after her divorce from Ryan to think about marrying again. She is madly in love with Jake, but her divorce just became final, and she doesn't want to rush into anything. Reese wants to take things very slowly because of her two young children. She doesn't want anything to upset or disrupt them. It took her a while to introduce them to Jake - she didn't want them to know they were a couple until they were definitely serious about each other."

Wow, this is genius. When they "break up" in two months, they'll already have an excuse. An excuse other than Jake Gyllenhaal is gay and likes to taste test penis. When asked about the proposal, Jake Gyllenhaal wiped the corners of his mouth and said, "Mmmmmm."

Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon have been photographed all over Rome recently, causing many to believe they have finally came out as a couple. Of course it has nothing to do with the fact that the movie that they're starring in is a box office disaster. They're in love. This relationship is gonna last. It's gonna last because they care for each other and share the same goals and dreams and interests. Interests such as penis.


Source

You hear a planted "Jake Gyllenhaal is not gay" story from his publicist at least once a month, so imagine the surprise when in an interview to promote his new film, Rendition, Jake Gyllenhaal basically showed up in a leotard:

...I was stuck in a woman's bathroom once with Susan Sarandon. She was interviewing me for a magazine and we couldn't find a battery for our recording device so we ended up in a woman's bathroom. I discovered two things that day: that the floor in a woman's bathroom is colder than the floor in the men's. And, believe me, I've spent a lot of time on the floor of a men's bathroom so I should know! And women pee louder than men do, even though we might expect not. Maybe it's just American women? I don't know."

I wonder who Jake Gyllenhaal is going be for Halloween? If I had to guess, I'd say Malibu Beach Barbie. But don't hold me to that. He could go as Rainbow Brite.

Jake promoting Rendition at the 2nd Rome Film Festival in Rome on October 21st:


Jake's "ex-girlfriend," Reese Witherspoon: