There must be some kind of Future Meth Lab Operator (FMLO) convention going on in Miami right now, because 'dem Duke boys the Spears' sisters are hanging out by the pool with their three kids. I was going to post these yesterday, but I really didn't feel like remembering these kids' names, and I still don't, so I just gave up and posted them anyway. Whatever, I guess the point of these pictures is that Britney and Jamie Lynn are in bikinis. Just like that girl hippo in Madagascar.

Casey Aldridge, the Louisiana hillbilly who became famous by not pulling out of Jamie Lynn Spears when she was 16, was involved in a single car accident early yesterday morning when he flipped himself and three passengers in his F-250. Bad news is, he'll be fine. TMZ reports:

We just spoke with a close family member/Baptist preacher who says Aldridge did not have surgery, but did suffer mild brain trauma. As we first reported, Casey and 3 other passengers were in a single car accident early this morning in Louisiana. His F-250 flipped over and Aldridge was airlifted for treatment. The family member said Aldridge suffered a "skull fracture around his hairline" and will be kept at the University of Mississippi Medical Center for 2-3 days for observation. Jamie Lynn Spears is at his bedside.

He got a Spears pregnant, so let's not pretend that mild brain trauma would be anything more than redundant. But it's good that he's okay, though. Because Uncle Jesse just called and said Boss Hog and Rosco stole Farmer Ted's new racing colt! And they plan to use it to get the blue ribbon at the Hazzard County Fair! Who's gonna stop him? That sounds like a job for them ol' Duke Boys! Yeee hawww!!

Following in the tradition of the great Spears mothers, Jamie-Lynn Spears had liposuction because she thought she was getting fat. Star Magazine reports:

"Jamie Lynn had just finished her hit Nickelodeon show Zoey 101 when she found the weight piling on. Not realizing she was expecting, she pleaded with her mom, Lynne Spears, to let her get liposuction, says a source. "She didn't know she was pregnant when she filled out the health questionnaire prior to the procedure," a second source reveals. "Her mom approved the injections and went through tons of red tape to get the clinic to administer them to an underage patient."..."Any form of liposuction is dangerous and should not be performed on a pregnant woman," plastic surgeon Dr. Gary Burton tells Star. "It poses serious health risks to the fetus."

Jamie Lynn is reportedly scared for her baby's health, but who are we kidding here? It's a Spears kid, it was only a matter of time. It was either gonna be this or accident in the gator wrasslin' pit.

Despite public denials from her rep that she is pregnant, a Spears family member confirmed to the National Enquirer that Jamie Lynn Spears is definitely knocked up. The baby's father, Casey Aldridge, apparently found out about the pregnancy though the media, and the statement of denial was only made so the Spears family could buy time (i.e. talk Jamie Lynn into aborting the baby). Awesome. National Enquirer reports:

"Jamie Lynn's mom is furious about the pregnancy," the family member told an ENQUIRER source. "And she's livid the news leaked out, especially during her book tour. "Lynne doesn't want to talk about it publicly until they sort this out. Jamie Lynn is being pressured by people very close to her to abort. But no decision has been made yet. Casey is furious. Jamie Lynn hadn’t told him about the pregnancy. He learned about it in the media and then confronted her and she told him it was true. Lynne and Jamie Lynn have been arguing nonstop by phone." With the family in turmoil, one thing is certain, the source told the NATIONAL ENQUIRER: "If Jamie Lynn has this baby, you can be sure they will try to sell the official confirmation of the pregnancy to a magazine, as well as the baby photos."

Jamie Lynn should just go ahead and have the baby, because she's not making any money anywhere else. It's like welfare for semi-famous chicks. Have a baby, get a raise. She should probably just keep having them, because eventually a Spears has to come out okay. Maybe if she's lucky, when she has this one, the doctors will mix it up with the dead teen Russian prostitute's baby down the hall. Sure the mafia might sell it, but it'll probably get to learn an exciting new language!

Jamie Lynn at Wal-Mart this weekend:

Stop!, You have found the most redneck story ever. National Enquirer reports:

"In a blockbuster world exclusive, The ENQUIRER has learned that the 17-year-old Zoey 101 starlet is now expecting for the second time - a mere three months after giving birth on June 19 to baby Maddie Briann. Jamie's desperate to keep the shock­ing news secret and some people close to her are urging Jamie Lynn to consider ending the pregnancy, sources say. "Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical," revealed a close source. "Neither of them knows what to do, but for now they're trying to keep the news from getting out." Too late. The unplanned pregnancy came as a shock to Jamie Lynn, who'd been breast-feeding her infant daughter Maddie Briann, insiders say. "Jamie Lynn believed she couldn't get pregnant while she was breast-feeding," said the close source. "She'd expected to have her period by early September." A home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out, said the source."

Hey, remember this story? Yeah. Of course Jamie Lynn thought she couldn't get pregnant while she was breastfeeding. She's an idiot. It's a shame that young girls today would look up to her. Girls should know that the only way not to get pregnant is to dress up in spike heels and a cop hat while doing anal. I've conducted several tests and most scientists agree that's the only way to be 100% sure.

Update: Her rep is denying it, but c'mon, dude. She's a Spears. She'd let you get her pregnant for magic beans or if you promised to show her a pink pony.

Federal and Louisiana authorities are currently searching for a Wal-Mart employee who tried to sell pictures of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding her baby. One of the twelve pictures, which were dropped off at Wal-Mart to be developed by Spears' boyfriend, Casey Aldridge, show Spears exposing her entire left breast. Since Spears is 17, a formal federal pornography investigation has been launched. Authorities are also investigating if they can find a story more fucking redneck. TMZ reports:

The pics were taken on Casey's digital camera. We're told he took the camera card to his local Wal-Mart in Louisiana for copies. Law enforcement believes someone at the Wal-Mart may have made extra copies, then tried selling them. Because Jamie Lynn is a minor, selling the pics -- or buying them -- could constitute a violation of federal laws prohibiting pornography. Peddling pictures of a minor's breast -- even if not taken for sexual purposes -- could land the seller and the buyer in federal prison if they are marketed across state lines for the purpose of being lurid. Also, anyone purchasing the pics could be prosecuted for the crime of receiving stolen property. Other pics in the set include Britney holding the baby and one of Jamie Lynn, Britney, Brian (Brit's bro), Lynne Spears and Jamie Spears around Jamie Lynn's hospital bed. There are also pics of Maddie by herself, and there's a picture of Jamie Lynn in a negligee holding the baby. Authorities are trying to find the man who is attempting to sell the photos. In addition, we're told Britney's lawyers are thinking about going after Wal-Mart for the alleged security breach."

There's no word yet on the events surrounding that day as of right now. Details like if Casey Aldridge actually had on a coon skin cap or if he really made reservations at Waffle House. Or if Jamie Lynn Spears was chasing a chicken around the yard with a meat cleaver. I hate to speculate, but I'm pretty sure every one of those is true.

Jamie Lynn and and her young'n last month:

I realize OK! probably thinks they struck gold with the first exclusive pictures of an unwed teen mother and her newborn baby, but they might have just stumbled across the summer fad of 2008 - 17 year olds with frosted hair. Hot!
Boring quotes about teen motherhood here:

She is very good," says Jamie Lynn. "She'll feed every two or three hours. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, I'll feed her and she goes right back to sleep. There's no screaming and crying." The proud mama continues, "We get up in the morning, and she gets her little bath. Then I get my bath. We have a routine, and I love routines. I've worked one out with her, and we're happy going about our little life."

I guess they made Jamie Lynn's hair look like my grandma's because they didn't want you to realize that you were looking at pictures of an underage chick with a GED holding a baby that she may have had because her producer on Zoey 101 statutory raped her. I can see why they'd do that. The silver hair makes her look dignified and mature. Like when I wear my ascot to Wal-Mart.

Aunt Britney getting a new weave yesterday:

In the new issue of Star, they claim to have all the details as to what exactly happened inside Jamie Lynn Spears' delivery room. And by "details," I mean "lies":

The baby's heart rate dropped every time she tried to push," a family insider tells Star. "They did an ultrasound and quickly discovered that the umbilical cord was too short." But despite the doctors' dire warnings, the 17-year-old "was adamant about having a natural delivery." Everyone in the room at Southwest Mississippi Regional Medical Center in McComb, Miss., pleaded with Jamie Lynn to listen to the doctors - including big sister Britney. Brit had already been with Jamie Lynn for hours, massaging her back as she endured painful contractions. "But she got mad," says the insider. She told Jamie Lynn to "just have a damn Caesarian," as she did. "Britney then ran out in tears because she couldn't bear to see what was happening."

Jamie Lynn Spears had her baby on June 19th at 9:30 am, so unless Britney Spears can tell the future, it seems there might be a reason why Britney was photographed with her dad at LAX boarding a flight to Louisiana on June 18th. And leaving LAX on June 20th. To find out more, reserve your copy of "Why 17-Year Olds Aren't Adamant About Having a Natural Delivery" today!

Britney and her best friends yesterday at Fred Segal: