I think we can rule out Zach Galifianakis as the father. NY Daily News reports:

Don't count January Jones as among Zach Galifianakis' favorite celebrity encounters. The funny man revealed in an interview with Shortlist.com that the two had an icy first meeting that he just isn't able to overlook. "She and I were very rude to each other," he recalled. "It was crazy." Galifianakis went on to recount being at a party where the "Mad Men" star invited him to sit with her. "So I sit at her table and talk for 10 minutes, and she goes, 'I think it's time for you to leave now,'" he claimed. "So I say, 'January, you are an actress in a show and everybody's going to forget about you in a few years, so f--king be nice,'" he continued, "and I got up and left."...While many male stars would probably be quick to agree to a sex scene with the gorgeous blond, Galifianakis is one celebrity who wouldn't be willing. "I wouldn't want to," he said. "I'd hate it."

I hope it's not a secret to anyone that January Jones is a raging ice queen who tries to intimidate men. That's because you need liquid oxygen to reach the bottom of her issues and no amount of indifference or systematic neglect by a man can create the perfect woman you see today. Skinny, blonde, and the insecurity of a burn victim at a public pool fused to her DNA. When I see January Jones all I see is violent mood swings and unlimited anal. Basically what I'm saying is, where is the waiting list? Can I sign up online? How does this work?

There's only two reasons why a woman won't reveal the identity of their baby's father. You'd assume one of those reasons would be, "Because it's Kevin Federline", but you're mistaken. It's because she doesn't know who the father is or the father is already married to someone else. Well, January Jones was banging some dude on the set of X-Men: First Class, so that only leaves reason #2: her vagina is a roaring lion seeking to devour any cock that winks at her and says she looks really pretty in that new dress that she thinks makes her look fat. The Daily reports:

It's no wonder January Jones won't reveal the identity of the father of her unborn baby. Sources say the dad-to-be is married.

I got an anonymous email last week from someone claiming to have worked on the set of X-Men: First Class and they said the father isn't part of the cast but part of the crew. Like it matters. Maybe next week January Jones can sell black tar heroin in a school zone or make a down payment on a Saturn. You know, just to fully drive the point home that she might not be the best at making life decisions.

In a new interview with Allure, January Jones puts aside the fact she's an emotional drunk who calls married dudes to bang her or talk about her bastard child from her jump off on the X-Men: First Class set.

On why she doesn't go to therapy anymore:

"I was traveling so much, and I just needed to make sure I was grounded and had someone to talk to. She talked more than I did, which was hilarious and great and fun,"..."I really like [my therapist]. It was like having a girlfriend. But I'm not going to give her $300 an hour to have the same conversation I could have with my girlfriend."

On way having a boyfriend gets in the way of getting strange dick:

Earlier this year, the actress, (here with makeup artist Brigitte Reiss-Andersen) broke up with Jason Sudeikis of Saturday Night Live because "the long distance kind of petered us out," she says. "When you date someone else who's in the industry, someone has to make the sacrifices. And if no one's willing to, then you just have to be friends." Then again, she says, it's hard to imagine anyone who is not in the industry being understanding of her job's demands: "'I'm sorry, I need to go away for three months and kiss other men while you stay here.'"

Lies:

"I have never dieted," says the actress. "I just listen to whatever my body craves. I don't deny myself anything. I don't crave sweets or unhealthy things very often. But when I do, like if I'm in a bad mood and I'm in traffic, I'll stop at McDonald's and get a strawberry shake and fries and not feel guilty at all, because I deserve it."

Long story short, I love this woman. Why? Mostly because that last blockquote is just a really long euphemism for cock.

Last month, January Jones announced she was pregnant, and since she's kind of a slut, it led many people to speculate who the child's father was. Many believed it was actor and SNL cast member, Jason Sudeikis, who Jones briefly banged for a whiledated. But she was also banging somebody on the set of X-Men: First Class. E! Online reports:

According to very well placed movie insiders, closely connected to Jones (who's been shooting X-Men: First Class), January was involved with someone on set—and that someone is the father of her child. Hmm, no wonder Sudeikis was so tongue-tied when a Washington Post reporter asked him at the White House Correspondent's Dinner if he had any comment about Jones' sudden baby bump, saying, "I'd rather—yes but no." Was he surprised to find out she was pregnant? "No, I—no, I didn't have anything [else to say]," Sudeikis stammered. The reporter added, "Sudeikis seemed comfortable being asked about the situation, just unwilling to say too much."

I'm really not one to speculate, and of course that's a vicious lie, but Jones obviously has daddy issues. I mean, she banged Bobby Flay for chrissakes. So, after doing extensive research on IMDb in which I typed in "X-Men: First Class" then clicked "Cast", I'm gonna say the father is Kevin Bacon. Oh, Kevin! You sly dog!

January Jones has been an undercover trainwreck for a year now (here and here), so she shocked nobody yesterday when she announced she was pregnant. People reports:

"January Jones is happy to announce that she is expecting her first child this fall," her rep tells PEOPLE exclusively. While Jones is keeping quiet for now on any other details, a source close to her says, "She's really looking forward to this new chapter in her life as a single mom."

When translated, the above blockquote reads: "Look, this chick is kind of a slut, okay? She has no idea who the father is but once she finds out, you'll be first to know. Okay? Huh? Man, I don't know. She's hot, she fucks a lot of dudes, what are you a cop? Chill out." Not that I care either way. She could be 20 months pregnant and still be skinnier than Christina Hendricks, so whatever. But in breaking news, I got a Starbucks giftcard today. Yeah, so there's that.

I live tweeted the 68th Annual Golden Globes last night, but all you really need to know about last night's insufferable circle jerk is January Jones' dress. Specifically, January Jones' tits in that dress. I just wish she would smile more. I licked the monitor and masturbated three times, but apparently that didn't help. Maybe I should try it again, you know, just to be sure.

The 62nd Annual Emmy Awards honored the best in television last night by handing out trophies to millionaires who stand on an X and read words on paper for a living, but unfortunately for them, NFL preseason football and True Blood were on last night, too. Basically what I'm saying is, I Googled all this shit.

Sookie and Bill showed up to their first event as a married couple, and I don't know how many presents they got at the reception, but hopefully they registered at a dentist's office.



Only kindergartners and Asian girls should have bangs, so of course Emily Deschanel looks weird. She's in a show called Bones I've never seen, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's about her jaw being replaced with the Iron Giant's.



Christina Hendricks once again used alien technology and Mayan spells to push her massive rack up to her neck, so we'd be distracted and forget about everything else. She lost in the supporting actress category, and in more bad news, her husband lost a call before he got the customer's service tag. Poor guys!



January Jones is clearly the hottest one on Mad Men, plus she's slutty and likes to drive drunk then text married guys. The only thing that would make her more perfect is if her anus took debit cards.



She was annoying as hell last season Dexter, so I guess that's why in the season finale Julie Benz bled out in a bathtub. But according to these pictures, her nipples are very, very much alive.



Who the hell knows why Kim Kardashian was there. She looks like something on a black escort website that would come to your door if you ordered the Cleopatra.



Eva Amurri has a face only her mother Susan Sarandon could love, but like her mother, she has these (NSFW). Every kid in Haiti could get free lunch for a year with these two.



Tina Fey also showed up in a dress almost as confusing as the reasons people think she's attractive. She looks like the Greek goddess of concealer.

Yeah, so remember this? Chick was drunk. Oh, and there was no paparazzi.

A woman who owns one of the cars that was hit tells TMZ ... she heard the crash, looked over her balcony and saw Jones. She says around 10 minutes after the crash, Food Network star Bobby Flay showed up in a separate car, began talking with her and telling her to leave the scene, which she did. We spoke with Flay, who tells us he was watching the basketball game last night at The London West Hollywood Hotel with a group of people that included Jones. Flay says he saw her drink a beer but wasn't really watching her alcohol intake. Flay says he had only met Jones once before, and last night she asked for his number because she wanted to redo her kitchen and give his number to her designer. Flay obliged, and says he doesn't know why Jones chose to call him after the crash, but nonetheless he drove over to help her. He says he did not argue but just wanted to make sure she was ok. The witness at the scene tells TMZ she was face-to-face with Jones and smelled alcohol on her breath. The witness says Jones left her driver's license with another resident and left. She returned 45 minutes later in a different set of clothes, chewing gum. The witness says she asked cops if they were going to administer a field sobriety test, but a cop told her there was no point since she could have had a drink at home and there was no way of proving she was under the influence when she was behind the wheel. Cops confirm there is no way to pin drinking and driving on someone who leaves the scene and comes back. As for being chased by the paparazzi ... none of the witnesses we spoke with saw any photogs at the scene, and no pictures have surfaced that show the scene immediately after the crash. The pics you see in this post were taken many hours later.

Wow, getting fucked then sent home one day, then hitting three parked cars and drunk dialing Bobby Flay the next. Hot damn, it's like I'm in Vegas with $100K on a hard eight, because if this hot piece of ass turns into the next Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, I swear to God I'll change the name of this site to i dont like you in that way or maybe you dont like me because every fucking post is about january jones.com