Jennifer Love Hewitt's career has been regElated to movies with Jackie Chan and a show on the old people network about ghosts for the simple fact that she refused to get naked when people actually wanted to see her naked. I guess somebody saw her at McDonald's and told her this, because here she is playing a stripper on The Ghost Whisperer. I have no idea what being a stripper has to do with communicating with the dead, but I assume cocaine and child support are involved somehow.

Jennifer Love Hewitt was the last person I expected to look hot for Halloween, but she pulled through for your penis by stuffing her legendary rack into a Playboy Bunny costume. This is the only picture I could find, because apparently everyone else at this party was gay.

And since I'm being nice, check out her Maxim shoot from earlier this year. Or don't Be an asshole, see if I care.

Jennifer Love Hewitt was on the cover of SHAPE magazine this month with the caption, "My #1 Weight Loss Trick: Burn The Scale!", but it looks like that doesn't involve burning Goodberry's. I only say that because she squeezed her lumpy ass into some spandex and got some ice cream. Just like they did 70 years ago...right there, next to the dairy. That's where they made the ice cream fresh, with real cream, real fruit, real nuts, and real care. It was semi-soft, just the way it came from the churn. And it was just minutes old...not days or weeks. Fresh!

Like two minutes from my apartment there's a Goodberry's in Cameron Village right next to the aptly named Cameron Bar & Grill where a hot waitress and I shared a flirting glance then she giggled and whispered something to Hot Waitress #2. I'm not really sure when this site became my Missed Connections, but whatever. Don't hate.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is on the cover of next month's Shape magazine and um seriously, bitch? Right beside her in big letters it says: "My #1 Weight Loss Trick: Burn The Scale!" when in reality it should say "My #1 Weight Loss Trick: Burn The Negatives!" because if Shape really thinks I've huffed enough air freshener today to think whatever is attached to her head is actual parts of Jennifer Love Hewitt, maybe they should ask Kelly Clarkson how that worked out. That cover would look more realistic if her body was a grizzly bear wearing a vest and a chest panel like Darth Vader.

Just in case you were wondering, the pictures below were taken LAST MONTH:

Jennifer Love Hewitt has been under fire for her weight recently, so it's good to see that she's taking getting back into shape very seriously. Because every one knows that the best way to get a good tennis workout is to wear wedge heels and a bikini and to keep your racket perfectly still. Maybe during her next workout she can play Farmville or browse movies on demand. Access hundreds of movies instantly! Use the arrow keys to scroll through the list of movies. Pick your selection, and press 'B' to buy. It's that simple!

Jennifer Love Hewitt was in Hawaii for a photoshoot this weekend, but we can go ahead and assume it wasn't for this. I've seen a lot of ads for basketball, but I don't think I've seen one end with a breathing treatment and a dozen cream filled.

I used to date this chick that looked exactly like Jennifer Love Hewitt with bigger tits (Hey, there Shannon. Yes, my number is still unlisted.), but of course she was psychotically unhinged and tried to set my car on fire in a grocery store parking lot. I really didn't care at the time, because as previously stated, she looked like 1998 Jennifer Love Hewitt with DD's. I don't know what this has to do with the real Jennifer Love Hewitt with smaller tits in LAX yesterday, but she's crazy too and I'd still hit it like Rihanna's jaw right now. I know this post makes absolutely no sense, but you know it's your fault. You guys are supposed to stop me when I ramble like this. What kind of friends are you?!

I'm with the Maxim Hot 100 List 2009 as far as their top pick: Olivia Wilde. Mmmm. How'd I love to lick those boots, and I'm not even a foot fetishist.

Beyond Wilde, the list gets a little wonky, but the hearts of the Maxim staff are in the right place. Though it looks like they brought one to many of the idiot editors of Blender over to the flagship mag when the latter bit the dust.

That's right, I didn't like the Blender editors. That's the joke.

1. Olivia Wilde
2. Megan Fox
3. Bar Refaeli
4. Malin Akerman
5. Mila Kunis
6. Eliza Dusku
7. Adriana Lima
8. Rihanna
9. Jordana Brewster
10. Jennifer Love Hewitt

These are mostly SPOILER ALERTS, since the full list won't be revealed until the mag hits newsstands this Wednesday.

You can see numbers 31-100 at the Maxim site HERE.