Jessica Alba is hot, but damn she's boring. Good thing she just had a kid and made her rack bigger. Because, let's face it, that's pretty much the only thing interesting about Jessica Alba. Sure, I'd eat bologna for a week to save enough money to bribe her into getting naked, but I get the feeling that if I had to have a conversation with her I'd be trying to tickle my carotid artery with a chainsaw at some point.


Photos: Splash

During the filming of Grindhouse, Rose McGowan and director Robert Rodriquez had an affair that ultimately led to Rodriguez leaving his wife of 16 years and his five children. In October of last year, McGowan and Rodriguez became engaged and later announced they were teaming up to remake the '60s classic, Barbarella, and two other films. Yeah, not so much. Page Six reports:

McGowan was hoping to star in at least three planned Rodriguez films - a remake of "Barbarella," "Red Sonja" and "Woman in Chains!" But sources say the couple, who we reported last October were engaged, have split, partly over the problems Rodriguez had finding financing for "Barbarella" - the 1968 cult classic in which Jane Fonda played a sexy space adven- turess - with McGowan in the title role. McGowan, best known for her witchy role on TV's "Charmed," wasn't thought to have enough box-office draw for the $70 million remake, especially after "Grindhouse" disappointed with about $25.4 million in domestic ticket sales. "Too bad 'Grindhouse' didn't gross $100 million. Then, maybe, 'Barbarella' would have gotten the green light," said one source. "Instead, the moguls were saying, 'We need a bigger star, a bigger name.' " Jessica Alba has been touted as a possible replacement."

Man, I can barely even talk about this it's so sad. I think we all had high hopes for these two. Especially when Robert Rodriguez decided to dump his wife at her job and abandon his kids so he could fuck Rose McGowan in his trailer. I guess I was wrong, but I thought his heart was finally ready to love.

As always, the greatest Rose McGowan pictures of all time (NSFW):

Mike Myers visited Conan O'Brien on Wednesday to promote the horrifically reviewed, The Love Guru, and to apparently be an insufferable pain in the ass. Page Six says:

...he drove backstage staffers bonkers while he waited to go on. "He sent a team of interns on a wild goose chase for Silk nondairy creamer, Twizzlers and raspberry seltzer," said our witness. "Then he sent one of the interns back out to get him a new drink when he realized his seltzer was not the brand he requested."

No matter how much you want to like a certain actor, there's a 99% chance that they are complete basket cases incapable of realizing that the world doesn't revolve around them. Daniel Day-Lewis and Sam Rockwell are both great, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that they both might throw a hissy fit when they don't get their croutons on the side or they dress up like Peter Pan and pay Russian girls to pee on them.


Photos: Splash

I have no idea what magazine these are from, but here are some pictures of Jessica Alba floating around in a pool recently. Based on my expert analysis, she's about 62 months pregnant now, and I can't think of a scenario where that would be healthy. Maybe with gigantic mutant whales or King Kong's wife. Or if King Kong had a baby with a gigantic mutant whale. Then it would be reasonable for the baby to look like it would be able to pick up a car.

In case you missed it, Jessica Alba and Cash Warren had a shotgun wedding in the Beverly Hills courthouse shortly after noon yesterday. It was a quiet ceremony with no family or friends present. There were no family and friends present because Alba didn't bother to tell them. Surprise! Us Magazine says:

My sister!? I'm going to have to call her!" Josh Alba said when Us Weekly alerted him to the news Tuesday. When asked if Warren will make a good husband, Josh told Us "Well, he's my brother in law now!"

I'd like to take this time to let Jessica know that she is now dead to me. I can't believe that all of those pretend moments we shared meant nothing to her. Like when I slept with my Into The Blue poster for the first time. I thought we felt some sort of connection. But, oh, I guess not. I see how it is. I'm sorry if my love was just too much for you!

In honor of the new bride, here are some classic NSFW pictures of her rack at the VMAs:

Matthew McConaughey receives a year's supply of deodorant [Hollywood Rag]
Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty swap toxic spit [Dlisted]
Shannon Elizabeth does Maxim magazine [Hollywood Tuna]
Jennifer Love Hewitt's fake love (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Tom Cruise has a goofy face [City Rag]
Beyonce dresses like a retard [Popsugar]
Nick Cannon is Mariah Carey's personal assistant [Just Jared]
Emmanuelle Chriqui does GQ [Popoholic]
Angelina Jolie confirms twins [ASL]
Bill O'Reilly Freakout: The Remix [College Humor]
Bai Ling is always disgusting [Egotastic]
Zoo Magazine's sexiest uncensored celebrities (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
ABC's Fall Schedule sucks [Pajiba]

Jessica Alba as Charlie Chaplin for Allure magazine:

Jessica Alba's boyfriend, Cash Warren, and Golden State Warriors point guard, Baron Davis, have started a website called I Beat You. Turns out it's not a slavery fetish site, but something to do with videos. And here's one of the videos. Of Jessica Alba in a staring contest. A...staring contest. Oh boy, you better bookmark this site now because this is sure to be big. Let's put one of the hottest pieces of ass in Hollywood in a webcam show and turn her into ceiling cat. Back the truck up, this is sure to be a money making extravaganza!!

Click here to continue staring at Jessica Alba...



Source

Megan Fox took the #1 spot in this year's annual FHM 100 Sexiest Women in the World poll. FOX News says:

The 21-year-old model-actress beat out the likes of Angelina Jolie (No. 12), Rihanna (No. 14), Kim Kardashian (No. 17), Paris Hilton (No. 77) and last year's champion, Jessica Alba (No. 3). Fox debuted on the annual list in 2006 at No. 68 and ranked at No. 65 in 2007. Joining her in the top 10 this year are - in descending order - Jessica Biel, Alba, Elisha Cuthbert, Scarlett Johansson, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Hilary Duff, Tricia Helfer, Blake Lively and Kate Beckinsale. Britney Spears came in last place at No. 100."

FHM actually had me going there until I saw Britney Spears made the list. She should be coming in last place in the 40-yard dash, not on a list of chicks guys wanna bang. Is there some sort of shortage of hot women in Hollywood all of a sudden? They couldn't find one actress without meth scabs? Because the only thing hot about Britney is her oven. Ooh, look! Brownies!