Jessica Alba defaced a bunch of shit in Oklahoma City with posters of great white sharks in order to raise awareness. From TMZ:

One of the spots she's accused of tagging was a billboard for the United Way. A rep for the non-profit organization told us although the billboard was donated, they'll probably have to pay out of their own pocket to replace it. Either way, the U.W. said, "We remain focused on our work rather than this minor distraction." So far, cops say no one has filed charges against Alba.

The dumbest thing about this is that they are just pictures of sharks. No message or anything. What is she trying to tell you about sharks? They're here, they're queer, get used to it? Sharks Against War? For just 65 cents a day, you can provide food, shelter, medicine and education to a great white shark? Maybe it is just a picture of a shark, because not unlike bacon, sharks make everything exponentially more awesome.

I Googled "great white shark", and do you know what I found? I found this story about Jessica Alba being an idiot. Way to raise awareness about your idiocy, Jess. I bet you hate it when people call you that.

I feared this day would come: Both Jessica's being in the same place again.

Though look at that guy behind Biel, I bet he made great time staring at her ass while letting her draft him by taking the lead.

Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba were both on hand in New York for the EIF Revlon Annual Run/Walk for Women. And when they say "For Women" they mean "for woman's cancers."

The Prostate Cancer Annual beer chug/masturbation marathon will be coming up in about a week and a half, and I plan to raise money in the MM's Speed and Quantity categories.

When Alba and Biel are in the same place, I keep wishing that Biel had Alba's head and absolutely no personality. Like some sort of sex mannequin. Because I've been covering these two and their hot bodies for long enough to know that only one of them can do something that resembles "acting" and they both are kinda catty when they get tired.

Jessica Alba was out shopping yesterday in Santa Monica where the paparazzi were all over her ass, as if we needed more pictures of Jessica Alba doing mundane things while looking completely miserable.

Damn, woman, you look sad even when nothing sad is happening to you. You have a kid and a husband and a career all because you're pretty, why not flash us a smile more often?

Anyway, Alba got in her Hybrid SUV and drove down an alleyway only to have a run in with the Santa Monica Police...for driving the wrong way down and alley.

There is nothing about this story that isn't lame. Jessica Alba is lame and motorcycle cops who have nothing better to do then bust people for going the wrong way down an alley is lame. Even the paparazzi who most certainly swarmed the cop and the Hybrid in the alleyway, probably causing more of a problem then going down it the wrong way, are lame.

Just lame.



Alba was let go without a ticket.

Jessica Alba is totally no-smiles McGee for every day out of the year that she's not in front of an awards show audience. Really, only her kid makes her smile, and even thin, it's just the best acting she does. Though she turned out to show her mechanical happy-face at the GLAAD media awards, where Tyra Banks, Kathy Griffen and Keith Olberman were among those recognized.

I wish there was a picture of those three in one place. That would be a sweet picture. Much better than the picture above. Is it just me or does she look like a hybrid of Katie Holmes and Britney Spears when she makes that face.

They're all robots of similar model. Mark my words.

I don't think I've ever met the perfect woman yet, yet, but I'd like to think if I did, she would have a bow above her ass.

I realize Jessica Alba is a talentless, miserable ice queen who isn't anywhere near as hot as she used to be, but I've wanted to hit for so long, it doesn't really matter. Some dreams just don't go away. I wouldn't turn it down. Because turning it down would be like turning down a ride in a Delorean or an invitation to join the A-Team.

Oh, here she is in Elle:

The greatest thing about Jessica Alba going to a nail salon is that no one talks to Jessica Alba in public. She's kind of a bitch. And since she can't act, all she really does is go to different places around the world and tempt people with her silent bitchiness.

Whenever my cat makes any of the expressions Jessica Alba is making in these photos, it's usually because it found its way into my his-and-hers warming lube and it's stomach is on fire with the power of vomit that smells like an orgy. Then the cat vomits on me, because it hates my guts like everyone else and I have to go about my business smelling like 40-something group sex and people mistake me for Neil Patrick Harris.

That's why I gifted my cat to Jessica Alba, who looks to have eaten it. Which is probably the only time I'll ever get to claim that Jessica Alba ate my pussy.




Bet you saw that joke coming a mile away, huh?

Jessica Alba and her husband Ca$h Warren attended a Declare Yourself event this weekend to celebrate Obama's inauguration.

What is up with that woman? I see a lot of pictures of her and she so very rarely looks happy. I mean, she's a celebrity/one of the hottest women int he world, it just so happens she can't act and therefore will never be in a movie that will both financially and critically successful. Yeah that sucks, but can't celebrities buy their way out of it?

If I was rich, I would go to an event everyday and look really interested in every cause I took up, because I knew the second I wanted to leave the real world, I could go back to my mansion, take all those drugs I was saving up and enter my room of fantasies, where SexBots exist, Trix aren't for kids and Jessica Alba always looks thrilled.