Jessica Biel was leaving the Cutting Room Club in L.A. the other night, and based on these pictures, I think she wants guys to know she's single now. Or maybe she's just getting into a car. I don't know. My penis is sensing some sort of subtext.

When asked for comment, Mila Kunis said, "LOL!" People reports:

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are no longer a couple. The two decided to end their relationship recently and "there are no hard feelings," a source tells PEOPLE exclusively. "It was completely mutual and they both decided it was time to move on." Reps for the couple released a statement Thursday, confirming the split: "Addressing the media speculation regarding Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake's relationship, we are confirming that they mutually have decided to part ways. The two remain friends and continue to hold the highest level of love and respect for each other."

If by mutual you mean, Timberlake has been knuckle deep in Amanda Seyfried, Olivia Munn, and Mila Kunis lately, then yeah, we can go with that. And I think we'll also go with this lovely Karlstad sectional sofa. It's range of coordinated covers makes it easy for me to give my furniture a new look.

Having already cast Tom Hardy (in the possible role of the psychotic villain Hugo Strange), Christopher Nolan is looking for two actresses to fill two crucial roles in the upcoming blockbuster nerdgasm, The Dark Knight Rises. And everyone wants in. THR reports:

Christopher Nolan is looking at some of Hollywood's leading actresses -- as well as a few emerging talents -- for major female roles in The Dark Knight Rises, his next Batman film. Sources tell Heat Vision that Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway and Jessica Biel (pictured, top left) are due to test for roles in the Warner Bros. superhero tentpole in the next two weeks. Also testing are relative newcomers Kate Mara (top right) and Charlotte Riley (bottom left). Hot British actress Gemma Arterton (bottom right) has also scheduled to test but, as Heat Vision first reported last week, Arterton just landed the female lead in Paramount's Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters and might now have scheduling issues. Dark Knight Rises needs to fill two big female roles, a villain and a love interest. Sources say one character is Talia, the daughter of villain Ra's Al Ghul, who was portrayed by Liam Neeson in Nolan's first Gotham-set crime pic Batman Begins. In the comic books, Talia is both Batman's lover and antagonist, ultimately siring his alter ego Bruce Wayne's son.

The glaring flaw in The Dark Knight was the casting of Admiral Akbar Maggie Gyllenhaal. Were they trying to tell me that Bruce Wayne was gay? Was he blind in one eye? I mean, that can be the only way to explain why a billionaire playboy who spends his nights fighting crime would be willing to give up everything for a chick who looks like her face is upside down. It's things like that makes America hated around the world. You think if Bruce Wayne was born in Saudi Arabia he'd be jerking off in his sashimi over some chick with undiagnosed Downs Syndrome? No. He'd be waking up at noon puking blood on top of two 18-year old twins from Kansas who may or not be fisting each other.

Kate Mara is the hottest redhead in Hollywood, so she gets my vote. My penis also wanted me to bring up her threesome with Sophia Bush on Nip/Tuck as a possible deciding factor. Wow, I didn't even think of that! My penis is so smart! Look at him go!

You read that right. Page Six reports:

Justin Timberlake is mounting an aggressive campaign to land himself a Best Supporting Actor Oscar nomination for his role in "The Social Network." The singer-actor is pushing to land the nod as his movie career takes off with three pictures out this year.

A source close to Timberlake, 29, who's currently filming sci-fi thriller "Now" in Los Angeles with Amanda Seyfried, said, "He's hell-bent on getting a nomination this year even though he has tough competition from his co-star Andrew Garfield.

"Sony is footing the bill for advertising the awards campaign, but Justin is also doing things his own way, including attending Academy screenings on his own and privately reaching out to award winners and Academy darlings Tom Hanks and Kevin Spacey for campaigning advice."

Timberlake faces competition not only from Garfield but from Geoffrey Rush, who plays a speech therapist in "The King's Speech," and Christian Bale, who stars as the trainer to boxer Micky Ward (played by Mark Wahlberg) in "The Fighter," which opens Dec. 17.

So a wigger with a jewfro who rose to fame via synchronized chair dancing with gay men is going up against not only his costar, but also an Oscar winner and multiple nominee and a guy dedicated enough to his work to lose 63 pounds for a role. Right. Justin's chances at winning an Academy Award are about as good as his girlfriend's.

Here's Justin's piece. She's prettier than he is, and that makes it so hard to get good roles!

I don't understand how being knuckle deep in this and this could ever possibly get boring, but Justin Timberlake managed to talk Olivia Munn into banging him for three days. Apparently she believed him when he said he broke up with Jessica Biel. Haha, they fall for it every time! Us Magazine reports:

Justin Timberlake cheated on Jessica Biel with actress Olivia Munn during a three-day fling this past September, reports the new Us Weekly (on newsstands now). Timberlake, 29, and Munn, 30, a Daily Show correspondent who stars in the upcoming NBC series Perfect Couples, first met at a Sept. 26 MySpace event. After exchanging numbers, he "started chasing her immediately," says an insider. Munn resisted his advances, telling him it was a no-go if he was still with Biel, 28, the source tells Us Weekly. But Timberlake "has been telling people it’s over with Jessica, even though "the reality is he's just doing it behind her back." Believing he had left Biel and that her relationship with Timberlake might develop into something serious, Munn took him to her hotel, the Gansevoort Park Avenue NYC, Sept. 27 and 28, where "they were openly affectionate," the insider adds. The insider tells Us the two "had amazing sex" that night.

I dated a Chinese girl once and I almost needed a shoehorn to get my penis inside her, so I can see the appeal. But I can also see the appeal of Miller High Life, so I might not be the best judge.

According to the comments on the Tom Hardy post yesterday, I'm a hateful homophobic who is living a lie as a secret homosexual because I don't fantasize about other guy's dongs in my mouth. So while you try to figure out that logic and while I try to avoid looking directly into the projection of the commenters, here is somebody I would actually like to fuck in the ass. Specifically, Jessica Biel at The A-Team premiere in Berlin. I know she doesn't have a prostate, but I think I'm secure enough in my masculinity to be okay with that.

Jessica Biel was in London yesterday in a see through dress to promote the totally unnecessary movie adaption of The A-Team. A dress that she may or may not have put on immediately after I banged her. There are more pictures, of course, like this one when she saw my penis. And this one of her imagining what sex with it would be like. And her imagining the house we would live in. And the kind of car I would drive. Then this one of her ready to cuddle. And this one of...uhhh, can somebody stop me please?

Here's Jessica Biel's hot ass in this month's issue of GQ China. In related news, I was in First China in Cary yesterday. My order ready in ten minute, no waiting!