There have been denials from fans and people close to Jessica Simpson that she's not getting fat again because she has the caloric intake of a grizzly bear. "What's up with that?", her dress in these pictures was quoted as saying.

At this point, Jessica Simpson's career is a body wrapped in a tarp that just got found on the bank of a river, but at least her love life is going well.

Sources tell TMZ Jessica is dating ex San Francisco 49ers tight end Eric Johnson. He last played for the New Orleans Saints back in 2008. Johnson split from his wife earlier this year, filing for divorce in February. Simpson -- whose show, "The Price of Beauty," returns to VH1 in 2011 -- began dating Johnson in May. A source tells us they are "very happy."

As much as I hate the Kardashians, Kim's last boyfriend just won a Super Bowl and her new boyfriend ( wide receiver Miles Austin) spends Sundays trying to catch overthrown balls with the Dallas Cowboys. Her sister, Grape Ape, is married to a 2010 NBA Champion. On the other hand, Jessica Simpson is dating an ex-tight end who averaged 9.1 yards a game and only scored 9 TD's in seven years. Mostly because when he stepped on the field he turned into Mr. Glass. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but maybe when he opens his car dealership, Jessica can add the commercial to her IMDB profile. Brightside!

Everything Jessica Simpson touches turns to shit (here, here, here, here, here, here, and here), so it's no surprise that her new show, Price Of Beauty, is about to be canceled. Us Magazine reports:

The show -- which earned just 1 million viewers for its March premiere -- may now focus more on Simpson giving people makeovers, as she did in the finale episode, instead of traveling the world with her pals and saying wacky things. "VH1 is in talks with Jessica for a series on beauty and image," a source close to the project tells Us. A VH1 spokesperson tells Us, "We are here to stay with Jessica and are committed to this journey and this message with her about women, self image, etc… all through Jessica’s totally unique and unfiltered lens. We are really excited about the next step, which we will announce soon and will air on VH1 in 2011."

"Retooled" is short for "Damn, your show sucks. Why did we agree to do this crap? You have one more chance bitch or you're going back to selling wigs or whatever the hell it is you do, retard." I couldn't care less if it stays on for 20 years or gets canceled by the time I go to lunch today, but speaking of retooled, can we do something about that new show Friends? The chick who plays Rachel should get naked more. She'll probably get into movies, because she's gonna be a big st...what? How did this....? You mean I...what day is it?! What year?!

Jessica Simpson apparently has a denim line, and here she is standing in front of a rack of jeans hoping you will buy them. Hopefully you will because I don't think she'll be needing them. She's about one chicken and barbecue combo plate away from checking Kermit's phone to see who he's been texting.

Jessica Simpson took to her Twitter yesterday to slam reports that she has had plastic surgery recently. She then slammed a meatball sub. Us Magazine reports:

Jessica Simpson would like to set the record straight: she didn't consult with any plastic surgeon on Monday. The Price of Beauty star, 29, was photographed visiting a Beverly Hills medical building -- one that includes the offices of plastic surgeons -- with her dad Joe and several pals. X17online reports she spent "nearly six hours" inside visiting with "numerous plastic surgeons." Nuh-uh, Simpson Tweeted Tuesday afternoon. "True- went to the doctor yesterday," she wrote. "False- plastic surgery".

I'm not sure what Jessica Simpson would have surgery on at this point, but maybe she should think it through. Or stop eating. Either or. If she gets any fatter she could date a really skinny black guy or knock out Todd Duffee.

Jessica Simpson showed up to the star-studded gala, A Night Of Fashion & Technology With LG Mobile Phones, with other stars such as that lady from that show and that one dude from that one thing in a dress that is apparently twelve sizes too small. Her tits look like they need to buddy breathe. They also appear to be flat. Which kinda defeats the purpose of having DD's. Chicks with DD's should be walking around on rose petals sent from heaven, not sucking in and hoping that the sound of the camera flashes will help draw people's attention away from their Spanx screaming for a quick death.

Jessica Simpson shot a cameo for Entourage on Tuesday, and of course, gold-medalist horndog Jeremy Piven was making everyone uncomfortable.

"In between takes, he was staring at Jessica's ass in the most obvious of ways," a witness tells UsMagazine.com. "He wasn't being sly about it and would just watch her every move. He flirts with ugly girls, so you can imagine how crazy for Jessica Simpson he was. She almost seemed like she couldn't wait to change into her jeans, but she was a good sport about it and kind of laughed it off."

I'm not sure if "He flirts with ugly girls, so you can imagine how crazy for Jessica Simpson he was" is a compliment or not, but Jessica Simpson's ass looks like it should be complimenting a steak and a side of asparagus tips. It's unclear how staring at bowl of mash potatoes is sexy, but whatever. Who am I, an Iron Chef all of a sudden?

Everything Jessica Simpson touches turns into a complete failure, so it's a good thing that God's loving hand gave massive tits to keep her relevant. If Jessica Simpson had an A-cup, she'd be asking me if I would prefer smoking or non-smoking and telling me that yes, the blackened Mahi Mahi is on special today.