After dating for almost five years, Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy broke up in April. And even though she's a lunatic whose medical advice causes children to die of measles, to reiterate, she's Jenny McCarthy. It wasn't going to take long before her needs would be filled horizontally by somebody else. And that somebody else is 35-year-old "Las Vegas hunk" Jason Toohey. Long story short, Jim carrey might kill himself.

...pals fear the funnyman’s downward spiral may prompt a return of the condition that once forced him into treatment for mental health problems. “Jim isn’t himself these days – and he hasn’t been ever since he and Jenny split,” a close friend told The ENQUIRER. “But finding out she has already moved in with a guy has just sent him reeling.”...A devastated Jim has been acting strangely, say sources — and he has posted weird messages on Twitter recently. Not long after splitting with Jenny, he Tweeted the word “boing” 40 times. Then he attacked Tiger Woods’ wife in another post, claiming she must have known about her husband’s affairs. “That was the manic Jim acting out,” says the friend. “He isn’t happy.”

Obama doesn't need to step in for factories to make more vagina, so I'm not really sure what his problem is right now. Snap out of it, dude. You're Jim Carrey. You could turn over a casket then set it on fire, and still fuck every chick at a funeral.

The always fantastic Mark Ebner, the only real investigative journalist in Hollywood, has outed Jim Carrey for basically outing himself as a Scientologist.

In one ill-advised Twitter thread, former funny-man Jim Carrey explains his cosmic drift into cult-induced irrelevance. (note: Carrey’s anti-pharmaceutical ranting and use of the tell-tale Scientology catch-phrase, “suppressive types.”

You can see the screencaps of Carrey's Twitter rant HERE, but be warned, Jim Carrey is out of his mind. Especially since Scientology would make more sense if it was based on what Dora The Explorer pulled out of her backpack.

After dating for five years, Jim Carrey announced last night on Twitter that he and Jenny McCarthy have broken up.

Jenny and I have just ended our 5yr relationship. I'm grateful 4 the many blessings we've shared and I wish her the very best! S'okay! ?;^>

Although not naked, Jenny McCarthy also shared her thoughts on the breakup.

I’ m so grateful for the years Jim and I had together. I will stay committed to Jane and will always keep Jim as a leading man in my heart.

It's hard to imagine why these two broke up. One possibility is that Jim woke up and realized he was dating a chick who got famous for being naked and making fart jokes who now fights 100 years of medical science and autism research with voodoo and card tricks or whatever the hell she does. I've had bigger tits in my mouth before, so I'd be comfortable in laying a crayon trail for her son to a doctor in his network.

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are in Hawaii right now, and I think I speak for everyone when I say Jenny McCarthy looks absolutely fantastic. I don't want to brag, but so do my new batch of lemon cookies! What can I say? Jim Carrey and I are just living the dream!

Jenny McCarthy is famous for being naked, so these pictures of her in Malibu aren't as hot as they should be. But since she's been so hot for so long that it really doesn't even matter. Just like back in 1995, the forecast still calls for me to have sex with her at my parents' wake if given the chance. I think I can speak for everyone when I say, "Fuck you, Jim Carrey."

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy were in Malibu this weekend for a 4th of July party, but today Carrey is taking the Internet by storm because he decided to put on Jenny's swimsuit and walk around on the beach. Jim Carrey gets to roll off Jenny McCarthy every night, so if he wants to wear her swimsuit, then by all means, he should go for it. Because I'm not really sure if this was a joke so much as it was his way of saying "Jenny McCarthy was wearing this swimsuit earlier, but I was there when she took it off because I banged her and when she got off her knees I told her I was going to put her swimsuit on and go outside and she was cool with it, and look she is even holding my hand in public while I am wearing it even though there are a billion cameras around." Later, Jim Carrey ate baby dolphin pate, leased a spaceship for a tour of Saturn, and did other stuff to fully drive the point home that his life is better than yours.



Photos: Splash