Hulk Hogan even turns his divorce hearings into Wrestlemania like arguments. [FadedYouthBlog]

That Joaquin Phoenix fight might have been staged. [Yahoo!]

The Pussycat Dolls recorded their own version of the Oscar winning song "Jai Ho." And their video is certainly full of Hos. [ImNotObsessed]

Hayden Panettiere insists she isn't trying to get Milo Ventimiglia fired from Heroes. Though I have to ask: Why not just fire her from Heroes? [ICYDK]

Kim Kardashian went shopping and used her ridiculous body to try on ridiculous clothes. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

"Evan Rachel Wood in lingerie" should be enough to get you to click what I want you to click. [Egotastic]

Is Natalie Portman all a-twitter over Twilight's Rob Pattinson? [JustJared]

Even when nobody cares anymore, Joaquin Phoenix is still pretending he's quit acting to become a rapper. Like last night at the Miami nightclub, Fontainebleau. I know, it's gonna be hard to imagine somebody heckling him, but that's exactly what happened, making Phoenix say, “We have a fucking bitch in the audience." Not really feeling threatened by the Jewish diamond merchant on stage, the heckler continued to harass Phoenix until Phoenix said, "I've got $1 million in a fuckin' bank account. What have you got bitch?" Then he jumped into the crowd before he was dragged off by security. See, this is why no one can take him seriously? A rapper? With a million dollars in something called a bank? Oh, come on. Now you're just talking silly talk.

Joaquin Phoenix went on David Letterman last night, and uh, can't he just go ahead a stop now since everyone knows this is all a joke? If he wants us to think he's crazy he could have at least brushed his teeth with a dead bird or accused a mailbox of keeping secrets about him. I mean, that's what the homeless guys I pay to beat each other up do and they don't even get to go on Letterman. How long must they suffer in silence? I sincerely hope the stimulus package has measures in it to address this kind of thing.

Joaquin Phoenix, who has "quit" acting to start a "rapping" career has this guy totally fooled. His name is Dan Suh, and he used to be the tour manager for Fallout Boy. Now, just like Phoenix, he stopped doing something he was pretty good at to pursue music as a working DJ. He sent this "open letter" to MTV News:

Dear Joaquin,

You say you want to give up acting to show the world who the real Joaquin Phoenix is? Well, the real Joaquin — the rapper Joaquin — clearly needs a DJ if he’s going to get any hip-hop cred. Run-DMC and Jam Master Jay. The Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff. Joaquin Phoenix and DJ Dan Suh. It already has a ring to it!

What makes me qualified, you might ask? Well, if you bothered to check out my MySpace profile (935 friends and counting), you would notice that I have rubbed elbows with some of the greatest names in hip-hop. I even have the pictures to prove it. Look, there’s me and LL Cool J, me and the Jigga Man, me and Lil Wayne. It’s not like I randomly met these people, posed for a single photo, and never saw them again. Who would want to do that? (Side note: If you, for some reason, are friends with Dr. Dre, please let me know so I can have my camera ready for the photo op.)

I own a piece of bling. That’s right, a genuine piece of diamond-studded gold jewelry fashioned by Johnny Dang, the Grillmaster himself. You may have seen Johnny featured in hip-hop videos with Nelly and Paul Wall. He’s Asian too! See, Asians can have cred in hip-hop. Can’t argue with that one, can you? CAN YOU?

I live in a celebrity pool house. OK, that may have nothing to do with qualifying me to be your DJ, but it’s a pretty sweet pool house, and you’re welcome to crash. There’s plenty of room for you and Casey Affleck’s camera crew. Kick up your feet and just be the real you. Enjoy this J while I throw on an EPMD record … I don’t judge.

You know where to find me next time you have a show in Vegas. I will be waiting patiently next to the pool for the phone call.

Sincerely,

DJ Dan Suh a.k.a. Korean Tom Cruise

Joaquin's response: he "doesn't need a DJ." Then, he crumpled up the note and threw it over his shoulder.

Next time, I'd suggest not signing ANYTHING with a.k.a Korean Tom Cruise.

Now that Phoenix is all about "music" he has given up on facial hair care. [BestWeekEver]

Claire Forlani was a little nude and a lotta topless in her film False Witness. Miss the flick, click the pics. [Egotastic]

Zuma Nesta Rock, child of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale already has his bling. [PinkIsTheNewBlog]

Anne Hathaway wants to get breast implants? Whatev. [PopCrunch]

Blake Lively will only wear size zero dresses, even if other sizes would fit better. [ImNotObsessed]

Eddie Murphy still gets his mack on at clubs. Good for him and his nearly useless self. [CityRag]

Kerry Katona topless, you say? Yes please. [TaxiDriverMovie]

Broke-ass celeb of the day? The plastic Shauna Sand. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

In case you were wondering how Joaquin Phoenix's retirement from acting was going, don't worry, it's going exactly as you thought it would. The Sun reports:

FEARS are mounting for the well being of JOAQUIN PHOENIX, whose scruffy appearance is a far cry from his former pin-up days. The 34-year-old arrived at a star-laden party in Miami Beach looking bloated and sporting a huge scraggly beard. Since announcing his retirement from acting this year, Joaquin appears to have neglected his personal grooming. Alongside CASEY AFFLECK and P DIDDY, he looked rather more cave dweller than Hollywood A-lister. A source told a paper: "For people who know Joaquin, it's been an incredibly traumatic year, filled with chaos. Everyone wants to help but nobody's been able to break through. His bizarre behaviour has everyone worried. It's just getting scary."

I really don't see what the big deal is here. He looks okay to me. Especially if his hobbies include using puppies to get little girls in his van, trying to dig out the microchip in his brain that the aliens put there to record his dreams, or whatever the hell it is that insane lunatics do.

You can see more pictures of Joaquin in Miami here, but be careful, they might be the creepiest things you see all day.

Since he's still pretending that he's leaving Hollywood and quitting acting, Joaquin Phoenix showed up to the premiere of his new movie, Two Lovers, with a message - BYE! GOOD. You could blindfold a kindergartner and it wouldn't have looked like this. Instead of picturing Joaquin Phoenix's first day at a real job, picture getting in a time machine and bringing back a Civil War soldier and taking him to Epcot. I can't shake the feeling that their reactions would be similar.



Photos: Splash

Joaquin Phoenix announced to E! Online yesterday that he has retired from acting. It might be true (his IMDb has no upcoming projects listed), but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this is bullshit. Actors crave attention, and they really can't do anything else. You'd have a better chance of things going well if you reanimated a Pharaoh and sent him Christmas shopping than you would with Joaquin Phoenix functioning outside a movie set.