At least he'll shut up about making out with Perez Hilton and banging Jessica Simpson for a while. TMZ reports:

John Mayer underwent surgery this week to remove a granuloma from just above his vocal cord, the singer announced on his blog. Mayer said the surgery was necessary after his attempts to rest his voice didn't help. Mayer announced the ailment last month and pushed back the release of his new album until 2012.

John Mayer undergoing throat surgery is like an overweight person getting gastric bypass when they could always just gorging on two dozen Krispy Kremes everyday and let nature take its course. Except in Mayer's case replace "Krispy Kremes" with "penises."

John Mayer understands that in order to be liked, you don't need to reform your poor behavior--you just need to change your handlers. Us Weekly says:

A source who recently spent time with the "Heartbreak Warfare" singer, 33, tells the new issue of Us Weekly (on stands now) that he got berated on the street that night for being a serial heartbreaker.

"Girls came up and yelled at him, saying he was a horrible person," says a source of Mayer, who once held an impromptu press conference with paparazzi to discuss his split with Jennifer Aniston and famously referred to ex Jessica Simpson as "sexual napalm."

Continues the source, "Girls asked how he could treat women the way he did. People would tell him exactly what they thought of him."

Now the balladeer says he is looking for "a new team to manage his image," adds the insider. "He wants to change people's perspective on him."

If John Mayer wants to look like less of a douchebag, he could start by shaving and not channeling Corey Hart in public. If women want John Mayer to be less of a douchebag, they could start by not fucking him. If you want your cookies to be chewier, you could use a higher ratio of brown to granulated sugar. I'm here to help!

One of the hearts John Mayer broke is now banging Derek Jeter on the regular. I think she'll be okay.

John Mayer understands that in order to be liked, you don't need to reform your poor behavior--you just need to change your handlers. Us Weekly says:

A source who recently spent time with the "Heartbreak Warfare" singer, 33, tells the new issue of Us Weekly (on stands now) that he got berated on the street that night for being a serial heartbreaker.

"Girls came up and yelled at him, saying he was a horrible person," says a source of Mayer, who once held an impromptu press conference with paparazzi to discuss his split with Jennifer Aniston and famously referred to ex Jessica Simpson as "sexual napalm."

Continues the source, "Girls asked how he could treat women the way he did. People would tell him exactly what they thought of him."

Now the balladeer says he is looking for "a new team to manage his image," adds the insider. "He wants to change people's perspective on him."

If John Mayer wants to look like less of a douchebag, he could start by shaving and not channeling Corey Hart in public. If women want John Mayer to be less of a douchebag, they could start by not fucking him. If you want your cookies to be chewier, you could use a higher ratio of brown to granulated sugar. I'm here to help!

One of the hearts John Mayer broke is now banging Derek Jeter on the regular. I think she'll be okay.

See what I did there? Star reports:

Multiple sources tell Star that John has shared hot nights with sexy Food Network star Giada De Laurentiis, as we report in our Nov. 22 issue. Last month, John and Giada — who has a 2-year-old daughter with her husband of seven years, Anthropologie fashion designer Todd Thompson — were seen together at the Boom Boom Room at The Standard hotel in New York. “John had one hand on the small of her back," an eyewitness tells Star. "They looked like two people who were going to go home together.” Later that night, another eyewitness saw them at the nearby Hotel Gansevoort, where they disappeared into a suite together! When approached by Star for comment, a giggling Giada admitted, “I was at The Standard that night.” But she insists she’s not cooking up trouble with John — and didn’t even see him that night: “I’ve met him and he’s a great guy, but I just like his music. That’s all.” However, a source close to John says, “This doesn’t surprise me one bit! He’s always talked about how he was into her.”

Apparently writing vagina begging music is an easy way to get laid. Like when Christopher Carrabba played in my buddy's basement with the full intent of writing songs to get him laid ("2 albums afterwards he had completely lost his soul, as indicated by lyrical content of his songs."). It works. But my grandma says my tidiness and penny loafers will also find me love. Suck on that John Mayer!

Backed by a smooth, mellow groove, John Mayer cried like a little bitch last night while playing the victim because he thinks he's being attacked the media. Look, you narcissistic asshole, if you didn't open your mouth and say dumb shit, nobody would "attack you". Villagers aren't chasing you up the windmill, jackass. You're a douchebag and you got called out on it. That's it. So if you could shut the fuck up and write some more vagina begging lyrics so I can quote them at last call that would be great.

The entire John Mayer interview was posted on Playboy yesterday, and if you thought he only plowing Jessica Simpson, you are wrong. So very wrong.

MAYER: My two biggest hits are 'Your Body Is a Wonderland' and 'Daughters.' If you think those songs are pandering, then you'll think I'm a douche bag. It's like I come on very strong. I am a very…I'm just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can't handle very, then I'm a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That's why black people love me.

PLAYBOY: Because you're very?

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, 'What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?' And by the way, it's sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass."

Yesterday on his official Twitter, he must have heard Alpine's blast and hydraulics outside his window, because he apologized. A lot.

Re: using the 'N word' in an interview: I am sorry that I used the word. And it's such a shame that I did because the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself....It was arrogant of me to think I could intellectualize using it, because I realize that there's no intellectualizing a word that is so emotionally charged...I think it's time to stop trying to be so raw in interviews...it's gotten out of hand and I've created somewhat of a monster. I wanted to be a blues guitar player. And a singer. And a songwriter. Not a shock jock. I don't have the stomach for it. Again, because I don't want anyone to think I'm equivocating: I should have never said the word and I will never say it again.

Just to be clear, the only black people John Mayer hangs out with would only go back to the hood if their Gulfstream happened to crash there, so I'm not really sure how he thought he had a "hood pass". I do. If Mayer wants to hang with me, come on. Let's take a trip up Holloway. So you can see how many niggas in my hood is down to die today. We standin up for our own shit. And if you outside the click, then you die, bitch. Well, at least until my Playsation 3 controller recharges.

In the upcoming issue of Playboy, John Mayer talks about Jennifer Aniston ("I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998") and being a douchebag ("In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever."), but the he said something about having sex with Jessica Simpson and that other stuff just didn't seem that important.
Us Magazine reports:

He dubs 29-year-old Simpson (whom he dated from 2006 to 2007) "a drug." "And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them," he says, adding, "Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me." "Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say," he continues. "It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*****' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f****** you.'"

Section 1.1 of fat girls and chicks with low self-esteem handbook states that they have to jump on your dick like a ground ball, because they never know when they're gonna see another one or they want you to tell them you love them. That's why I only stick with hot girls. Although, I'm not gonna lie, it would probably be easier to get anal if I could bake cookies.

John Mayer is a douchebag who looks like he just tripped over a downed power line whenever he's on stage, but he's been knuckle deep in more USDA kitty than a vet (he should get a medal for Minka Kelly alone), so it's no surprise that he's moved on to his next piece. Janet Charlton reports:

If you read Page Six you might remember a recent blind item they printed about secret trysts between a reality star and a well known singer. We are revealing that pair to be John Mayer and “The Hills” star Kristin Cavallari! They have been hooking up secretly at a mutual friend’s house in the Mt Olympus area of the Hollywood Hills for the past two years! Our source says that Kristin was hesitant to date John publicly because she didn’t want to be added to his long list of conquests, and they were both dating other people off and on. Recently their “friends with benefits” relationship has evolved, and they are actually considering going public.

I play guitar, but maybe I should start writing vagina begging music and wearing plaid shirts. That seems to be working for this guy. But I'm not gonna lie, ether works pretty good too.