Because his bodyguards beat up a handicapped lady. God, those handicapped people with all their rolling around and not using proper hand signals. TMZ reports:

The LAPD has some questions for Johnny Depp -- and now, they're trying to track the actor down for an interview .... after his bodyguards allegedly beat up a disabled woman last week. TMZ broke the story ... 52-year-old Robyn Ecker filed a police report after the Iggy Pop show in L.A. Thursday night -- claiming she was minding her own business when she accidentally danced too close to Depp's table ... and his bodyguards tackled her. Robyn claims she was seriously injured during the alleged attack -- and even went to the hospital to get herself checked out. Law enforcement sources tell us, the LAPD would like to speak to Johnny and his bodyguards about the police report -- and are currently making attempts to interview all of them. So far, no word from Johnny's rep.

We give Johnny Depp a lot of love on this site, but he's said some pretty dumb shit recently and now apparently his bodyguards think they're in some wheelchair athlete intramural rugby league. Not to be an asshole, but the article said she was disabled then immediately followed up with "she was minding her own business when she accidentally danced too close to Depp's table." I've never seen a disabled person dance, but I assume Johnny Depp's bodyguards thought she might have been possessed by a demon. Honest mistake.

UPDATE: This was just sent in by a reader. Thanks, Cesar! Even though you drowned that puppy that one time.

I actually witnessed this happen in front of me at the show. That woman is full of shit. She was WASTED like no tomorrow and made her way to were Depp was and mind you he had his kids and girlfriend with him. She grabbed him by the back of his pants, pulling him and the bodyguard grabbed her, but she just would not let go and got really angry, spilling everyone's drink and went as far as scaring the living hell out of his kid, making her cry. She was being pulled away and started fighting back, which resulted in the venues security to get involved and she was STILL being all violent. They got her taken away and Depp and everyone with him left the place. About 10 minutes later, the same woman went back to the place were everything happened, looking for him and same shit happened again but this time she got kicked out. The end.

Johnny Depp has every excuse in the world to be a self-absorbed asshole who thinks people should be shot in the face if they look him directly in the eye, but as a million examples prove, he's quite possibly the most down-to-earth and evolved person in Hollywood. Daily Star reports:

Hollywood big-shot Johnny, who is currently shooting his new film Dark Shadows on our shores, left a £700 tip for waitresses and bar staff at a pub in Berkshire. We’re told: “Johnny is staying at the five-star country manor house estate Coworth Park in Ascot. “Instead of choosing from the four hotel restaurants, including one which is Michelin-starred, he decided to hang out at a nearby pub with the locals. “Johnny chose to have dinner and drinks in the Thatched Tavern pub a mile-and-a-half up the road from his hotel. “On the first night he left a £300 tip for pub staff, followed by £400 the night after.”

If this Yahoo! Finance currency converter is correct, Depp went to a pub for two nights and left $1,144.00 in tips. When asked for comment, Lindsay Lohan said, "They hiring? I mean, a thousand dollars, that's like what? A million crack rocks?".

Right. E! Online says:

The stars' The Tourist was left stranded with a second-place, $17 million weekend debut, per estimates.

What happened?

Take your pick: lousy reviews; lousy weather (sunny Los Angeles, excluded); an overall blah weekend for Hollywood; etc.

The result was a steep comedown for Depp, whose last film was Alice in Wonderland. It was more in line with 2004's Secret Window, which also happens to be the last time Depp played an ordinary man (by Depp standards).

For Jolie, this is more the norm—she hasn't had a No. 1 opener since Mr. & Mrs. Smith. (At the same time, she's had several money-makers since then, so there you go.)

With a reputed price tag of $100 million, The Tourist has a lot on the line. If Jolie and Depp weren't international draws, their film would be DOA, but they are, and The Tourist isn't. So far, the movie has debuted in a few countries overseas; its worldwide total stands at $25 million.

Please. Somewhere Jennifer Aniston and her publicist are cackling over their Cobb salads, but Angelina Jolie (and her insane legs, pictured below) is still banging Brad Pitt. I think it's safe to say she wins.

In his recent interview with Vanity Fair, Johnny Depp reveals that Disney executives were afraid that his portrayal of Jack Sparrow in Pirates Of The Caribbean would ruin the movie. Mostly because they thought Depp's Sparrow was a drunk homosexual with a learning disability. Daily Mail reports:

Captain Jack Sparrow has quickly become one of the best loved characters in cinema history. But the actor behind the eccentric pirate has revealed how Disney bosses initially hated his take on the character. Johnny Depp revealed: 'They couldn’t stand him. They just couldn’t stand him. 'I think it was Michael Eisner, the head of Disney at the time, who was quoted as saying, "He’s ruining the movie."' But it appeared the actor decided to have a bit of fun with Disney executives, who were used to releasing clean-cut, family-friendly entertainment. The 47-year-old, currently promoting new film The Tourist, says he wasn't bothered by who he calls 'Upper-echelon Disney-ites, going, "What’s wrong with him? Is he, you know, like some kind of weird simpleton? Is he drunk? By the way, is he gay?" 'And so I actually told this woman who was the Disney-ite… "But didn’t you know that all my characters are gay?" Which really made her nervous.'

You could take all the money that the Pirates franchise has made, load in an airplane, fly across America while blowing the money out with a leaf blower, and when you landed, you would still have enough money to buy every single child in Haiti and a Superbowl commercial of Katy Perry giving you a blowjob while Daniel-Day Lewis does her from behind. I don't know, I think Michael Eisner might have been wrong on this one.

Lindsay Lohan has made one decent movie which made Rachel McAdams a star, yet she is a spoiled, entitled cunt who believes Hollywood owes her an Oscar. I only mention that because Johnny Depp's movies have grossed $2.4 TRBILLION, other actors have publicly stated that they were star-struck when they met him, every woman would blow him in front of their parents, yet he's as humble and generous as he is awesome. Like the time a little boy told Depp he liked his hat when he was on location in Wisconsin filming Public Enemies. Guess what happened two months later? Or the time he showed up to Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital in full Jack Sparrow costume with a check for $2 million then spent four hours reading bedtime stories to the patients. Or the time he sent a personalized message to a 17-year old high school student after she fell into a coma from a car accident. Only because her father wrote a letter to Depp saying he was his daughter's favorite actor. So what would my fellow Native American and fellow member of the Handsome Man's Club do when Beatrice Delap, a 4th grader at Meridian Primary School, wrote him this letter? The Daily Mail reports:

'Captain Jack Sparrow, At Meridian Primary School, we are a bunch of budding young pirates and we were having a bit of trouble mutiny-ing against the teachers, and we'd love if you could come and help.'Beatrice Delap, aged nine, a budding pirate.'

What do you think?

An onlooker said she heard the most 'incredible screams of joy' as the actor, in full make-up, then entered the school. In an interview on London Tonight after the visit, Beatrice...said that she was then asked by the star to make herself known from the assembled pupils once he arrived, and gave her a cuddle. Beatrice marvelled: 'He gave me a hug and he said, "Maybe we shouldn't mutiny today 'cos there are police outside monitoring me."'

Seriously. The only way Johnny Depp could be more cool is if he owned Wayne Enterprises and walked around with a trident.

Facts: Johnny Depp is a brilliant actor, other stars have gone on record saying they have been star-struck when meeting him, he could walk into any sorority and unzip his pants and point where he wants the line to start, and instead of doing lines off teenage models, Depp spends his free time doing stuff like this, this, and this. Oh, and he'll also save your life if you get mugged.
The Sun reports:

The Alice In Wonderland actor, 46, stepped in when British singer STEPHEN JONES was accosted for cash as the pair left a recording studio in Los Angeles. A friend said last night: "It was an extremely scary moment. This guy looked off his head. "Johnny looked him straight in the eyes and told him to back off." The Pirates of the Caribbean star is a big music buff and had just recorded a guitar solo for a new track by Jones's band BABYBIRD. After Johnny intervened, the star-struck yob backed down. The insider said: "The guy was OK. "He looked at Johnny and said, 'I ain't stealing from Captain Jack' and put the bottle down.
"Johnny gave him a few bucks and told him to straighten up his life."

Seriously. The only way Johnny Depp could be more awesome at this point is if he owned Wayne Enterprises.

Since Angelina Jolie's vagina is like that tractor beam on the Death Star for all her male co-stars (Johnny Miller, Billy Bob Thornton, Brad Pitt), somebody doesn't like that she is currently filming The Tourist with Johnny Depp. Specifically, his girlfriend of 12 years and mother of his two children.
The New York Post reports:

But Johnny Depp's longtime gal pal has no intention of joining the trail of brokenhearted Hollywood ladies left crying to Oprah Winfrey after Angelina Jolie stole their men. So when Vanessa Paradis found out her "Pirates of the Caribbean" stud and Jolie were to shoot a passionate love scene in their new movie "The Tourist," she ordered Depp to find another gig, a source told The Post. Paradis "found out that there was a real long and intense love scene between [Depp] and Jolie," a source close to the project said. "He's currently trying to [get out of the movie], but I don't know if he's succeeded. But he's trying and they're talking about replacing him with [Jolie's partner] Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio." Paradis, Depp's partner of 12 years with whom she has two kids, doesn't have to look deep into Jolie's past to find reasons to worry.

Angelina Jolie could be stricken with leprosy and have have golf balls for eyes and still be a billion times hotter than Vanessa Paradis, but Johnny Depp doesn't seem like the type who would be lead by his dick (his girlfriend case in point). Unlike me of course. If I was Johnny Depp, every time she walked by my trailer she would need Hannibal Lecter to whisper to me until I swallowed my own tongue.

Johnny Depp on the set of The Tourist. Oops:

The queer vampire almost won, but 2009's Sexiest Man Alive has gone to Johnny Depp. People magazine reports:

Break out the Bordeaux, the whoopee cushions and the bangin' Keith Richards guitar solos, because the 2009 Sexiest Man Alive party is officially under way. Bringing the fun with him wherever he goes – whether it's onscreen in fizzy roles like Captain Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise or at home with his family on their private Bahamian island – is just one reason why Johnny Depp, who also scored the honor in 2003, has joined an elite club of two-time SMA title holders (only Brad Pitt and George Clooney have matched the feat). At 46, the father of two still reigns as Hollywood's most irresistible iconoclast; as one-of-a-kind as his beloved 15-year-old boots and as smoldering as his favorite Cuban cigars. "Johnny Depp has magical powers. He's unlike anyone else,” says actress Isla Fisher, who's married to Sacha Baron Cohen. "He’s funny, generous and clever. It’s just a shame he’s so hard on the eyes."

Not only may I consider having sex with Johnny Depp if I was drunk, he is also one of the most generous, down-to-earth actors in Hollywood. Other actors have admittedly been star struck around him, yet he goes out of his way not to be a pretentious ass and actually care about his fans (read about some examples here, here, and here). If Robert Pattinson won there's a good chance he would enslave the Hebrews and force them to build a temple in his honor while he reads the back of hair gel bottles and circles guys he wants to call in Details magazine.