Facts: Johnny Depp is a brilliant actor, other stars have gone on record saying they have been star-struck when meeting him, he could walk into any sorority and unzip his pants and point where he wants the line to start, and instead of doing lines off teenage models, Depp spends his free time doing stuff like this, this, and this. Oh, and he'll also save your life if you get mugged.
The Sun reports:

The Alice In Wonderland actor, 46, stepped in when British singer STEPHEN JONES was accosted for cash as the pair left a recording studio in Los Angeles. A friend said last night: "It was an extremely scary moment. This guy looked off his head. "Johnny looked him straight in the eyes and told him to back off." The Pirates of the Caribbean star is a big music buff and had just recorded a guitar solo for a new track by Jones's band BABYBIRD. After Johnny intervened, the star-struck yob backed down. The insider said: "The guy was OK. "He looked at Johnny and said, 'I ain't stealing from Captain Jack' and put the bottle down.
"Johnny gave him a few bucks and told him to straighten up his life."

Seriously. The only way Johnny Depp could be more awesome at this point is if he owned Wayne Enterprises.

Since Angelina Jolie's vagina is like that tractor beam on the Death Star for all her male co-stars (Johnny Miller, Billy Bob Thornton, Brad Pitt), somebody doesn't like that she is currently filming The Tourist with Johnny Depp. Specifically, his girlfriend of 12 years and mother of his two children.
The New York Post reports:

But Johnny Depp's longtime gal pal has no intention of joining the trail of brokenhearted Hollywood ladies left crying to Oprah Winfrey after Angelina Jolie stole their men. So when Vanessa Paradis found out her "Pirates of the Caribbean" stud and Jolie were to shoot a passionate love scene in their new movie "The Tourist," she ordered Depp to find another gig, a source told The Post. Paradis "found out that there was a real long and intense love scene between [Depp] and Jolie," a source close to the project said. "He's currently trying to [get out of the movie], but I don't know if he's succeeded. But he's trying and they're talking about replacing him with [Jolie's partner] Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio." Paradis, Depp's partner of 12 years with whom she has two kids, doesn't have to look deep into Jolie's past to find reasons to worry.

Angelina Jolie could be stricken with leprosy and have have golf balls for eyes and still be a billion times hotter than Vanessa Paradis, but Johnny Depp doesn't seem like the type who would be lead by his dick (his girlfriend case in point). Unlike me of course. If I was Johnny Depp, every time she walked by my trailer she would need Hannibal Lecter to whisper to me until I swallowed my own tongue.

Johnny Depp on the set of The Tourist. Oops:

The queer vampire almost won, but 2009's Sexiest Man Alive has gone to Johnny Depp. People magazine reports:

Break out the Bordeaux, the whoopee cushions and the bangin' Keith Richards guitar solos, because the 2009 Sexiest Man Alive party is officially under way. Bringing the fun with him wherever he goes – whether it's onscreen in fizzy roles like Captain Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise or at home with his family on their private Bahamian island – is just one reason why Johnny Depp, who also scored the honor in 2003, has joined an elite club of two-time SMA title holders (only Brad Pitt and George Clooney have matched the feat). At 46, the father of two still reigns as Hollywood's most irresistible iconoclast; as one-of-a-kind as his beloved 15-year-old boots and as smoldering as his favorite Cuban cigars. "Johnny Depp has magical powers. He's unlike anyone else,” says actress Isla Fisher, who's married to Sacha Baron Cohen. "He’s funny, generous and clever. It’s just a shame he’s so hard on the eyes."

Not only may I consider having sex with Johnny Depp if I was drunk, he is also one of the most generous, down-to-earth actors in Hollywood. Other actors have admittedly been star struck around him, yet he goes out of his way not to be a pretentious ass and actually care about his fans (read about some examples here, here, and here). If Robert Pattinson won there's a good chance he would enslave the Hebrews and force them to build a temple in his honor while he reads the back of hair gel bottles and circles guys he wants to call in Details magazine.

In what may be the biggest casting spoiler in recent film history, Michael Caine has revealed that Johnny Depp and Philip Seymour Hoffman will be playing the two villains in the sequel to The Dark Knight, reportedly titled, Gotham. Director Christopher Nolan has been in hiding since TDK's release, and has been notoriously secretive and non-committal about a possible sequel. That all changed when Caine gave an interview at the Toronto Film Festival on Monday. Splash Page MTV reports:

In an interview with MTV News conducted just hours ago at the Toronto Film Festival, Michael Caine - there to promote "Is There Anybody There?" - seemed to confirm rumors that the next installment of the "Batman" film franchise will feature two very well-known names playing the roles of The Riddler and The Penguin. "They've already got them in mind," said Caine, when asked who he'd like to see take up arms against the Caped Crusader. "It's Johnny Depp as The Riddler. And The Penguin is Philip Seymour Hoffman. I read it in the paper." So Caine is like the rest of us, reading gossip in the tabloids, right? Except for one thing…according to the actor, he confirmed the news through the studio itself. "I was with [a Warner Bros.] executive and I said, 'Are we going to make another one?' They said yeah. I said, 'How the hell are we going to top Heath? And he says 'I'll tell you how you top Heath - Johnny Depp as The Riddler and Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin.' I said, 'Shit, they've done it again!"

Wow, does MTV News sanction waterboarding during their interviews now? It certainly appears so, because Michael Caine gave that information up pretty quickly. The only way he should have said any of this is if his balls were hooked up to a car battery.

Update: Hoffman is denying these rumors here. Apparently Michael Caine is senile.

Jennifer Aniston playing a stalker on 30 Rock [Dlisted]
Hugh Hefner's main whore flashes her panties [Hollywood Tuna]
Jessica Simpson is still a retarded cheeseball [Popsugar]
Kiefer Sutherland for your consideration [City Rag]
Katie Holmes is not Tom Cruise [Hollywood Rag]
Star Jones has a new gay boyfriend [Just Jared]
Jordan sells horse products (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Nic Cage and John Travolta have really bad hair [Lainey Gossip]
Vikki Blows isn't blowing [Popoholic]
Sharon Stone has hard nipples (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
More of Britney Spears not topless [Egotastic]
Anne Hathaway has a new boyfriend [ASL]
Bayside High Never Prepared Me For This (Raising the Bar) [Pajiba]

My boyfriend performing with his band a few days ago:

While on location in Wisconsin shooting the 1930s gangster flick, Public Enemies, in April, Johnny Depp met a 12-year old boy, Jack Taylor, who told the actor that he liked the fedora Depp was wearing. Much to his delight, Depp told the boy he could have the hat, which Depp wore for his portrayal of John Dillinger, as soon as the film wrapped. You want to take a guess what happened two months later? People says:

Last week, reports the Oshkosh, Wis., newspaper the Northwestern, Depp made good on his promise. Taylor received the hat. The leading man's rep also included gifts for Taylor's four siblings from Depp's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, as well as a note from the star himself, telling Jack to enjoy what was sent."

This is gonna sound way gayer than it should, but if Johnny Depp ever got breast implants, I'd probably try to find out what kind of flowers and candy he liked.

At this point, it's unclear why MTV is still even on the air. It sucks. If I wanted to not watch music videos because I wanted to see a bisexual Vietnamese tranny find love, I could just hang out at the train station. Except for on Sundays. That's when my Train Station Bisexual Vietnamese Tranny Addicts Anonymous (TSBVTAA for short) group usually meets. Oh, and the MTV Movie Awards were lame and boring.

Anyway, here's a bunch of pictures and a clip of Seth Rogen smoking weed on stage last night. Enjoy. Or don't. Only you can make you happy:

In the new book, Hollywood Babylon: It's Back, authors Danforth Prince and Darwin Porter have published full-frontal pictures of several actors including Johnny Depp (reportedly known as "donkey dick"), Sean Connery, and Ewan McGregor, James Woods, and Richard Gere. However, despite the explicit photographs, the real meat (haha, you see what I did there?!) of the book is the stories of old Hollywood that further prove the whole place needs to wiped out by an act of God. How crazy and depraved was Hollywood back then? Hold on to your fucking hat. Rush & Molloy report:

Dishing with abandon, the authors spare no one - especially not the dead, who can't sue. Lack of sources don't stop them from claiming:

Marilyn Monroe had an affair with Ronald Reagan. The authors also claim Monroe had a tryst with Joan Crawford but refused to make it an ongoing affair. "She had bad breath," Monroe allegedly told roommate Shelly Winters. "Besides, she wanted to do things to me that no woman should do to another woman."

James Dean showed a disconcerting interest in a 12-year-old boy in the early 1950s. Director Elia Kazan believed the tale: "I've known many actors who have been twisted up in their sex lives, but never anybody as sick and unhealthy as Dean was."

Elvis Presley had a gay old time with Nick Adams, who played Johnny Yuma in the hit TV series "The Rebel."

Lucille Ball launched herself into show business as a hooker, and her husband Desi Arnaz had a fling with Cesar Romero.

Cary Grant had an incestuous relationship with his stepson, Lance Reventlow.

Strange things happened to Judy Garland's body (this in the chapter on "Fan Worship and Necrophilia").

Police believed Bette Davis killed her second husband, Arthur Farnsworth, by hitting him on the head and causing a hemorrhage that lead to his death two weeks later. But a grand jury - six men who confessed to being ardent fans - found her innocent."

None of these stories can be confirmed of course, but I don't have a problem believing any of them, because, um well, it's Hollywood. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Denzel Washington slept with a severed head or if Ron Howard owns a private island where he hunts pregnant Haitian women.