Okay, yeah. So apparently this happened. The Sun reports:

TWO men were being held last night over a suspected plot to rob and murder singer Joss Stone. Cops found swords, rope and a body bag when they swooped on the pair at around 10am yesterday near the star's isolated country home. The men, aged 33 and 30, also had detailed maps and aerial photos of her rural property in east Devon. The suspects had travelled from the Manchester area 200 miles away. Police insiders said they were arrested on suspicion of planning a terrifying raid on Joss, 24, who has a £9million personal fortune. The alleged plot was foiled by sharp-eyed neighbours who saw two black men acting suspiciously in a red Fiat Punto. The car was being driven slowly around the isolated lanes of the Cullompton area. Police were alerted and took the men to Exeter, where they were being questioned last night. A 20-strong team of detectives is now working on the case, liaising with colleagues in Manchester.

Jesus. Only in England would fucking kidnappers pull up in this. Were the swords tied to the top of the car with bungee cords? Is that what happened? They didn't mention a sidecar with a monkey wearing a leather jacket in it, so it's not fully clear where Joss Stone was gonna sit. To be honest, I don't think these kidnappers really thought this through.

Joss Stone was at the BET Honor awards in this flashy silver number, and boy is she tall. She's so tall, I want her to look down at me and stomp on me with her heels. If I happen to avoid kidney failure, I'll rise off the floor and use my tiny body to pin her to the wall...

Sorry, my thoughts got away from me. I'll be in the bathroom for a second. With my laptop...

Here's Joss Stone in a scene from the movie, "Snappers," where she makes out with some chick. Some of you may be turned off by this movie's perceived glamorization of homosexuality, but don't worry. These aren't real lesbians. These are the kind Jesus likes.

Joss Stone has been trying very hard to attract attention lately since she needs to sell her new CD, and producers like Dallas Austin have been helping quite a bit. Here she is doing her best Rainbow Brite impression and giving people a nice view up her skirt. I tried to care, but I don't live in Care-A-Lot and I'm not a Care Bear. This trophy with a star on it which is tattooed on my chest is only there because I'm a champ. Plus, the guy who put it there while I was passed out drunk was really impressed by my oral skills. Don't question me.

Labels: dallas austin, joss stone, joss stone upskirt

In videos that hit online last week, music producer Dallas Austin alleged that Joss Stone and Christina Aguilera have sex with producers in exchange for music. Turns out Joss and Christina didn't think that was a compliment. In a coincidentally well-prepared statement to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Austin said:

Every action generates an equal and opposite reaction. My statement about Christina Aguilera and Joss Stone was a reaction to an incident I care not to discuss in any forum, and while I may have felt justified, I do owe an apology to Christina, Joss and their families. The comments I made about Christina Aguilera and Joss Stone were purely an act of retaliation not of malice or cruel intent. As we all have our boiling points, I sincerely apologize as this is not my character nor should I have let anyone’s actions push me to this limit. I have let my family, friends, employees and business associates down with my actions. All content and any malicious statements that were in my control have been removed from outlets that may have posted this. Please accept this as my formal statement and apology to all parties involved."

Wow, that didn't take Christina's lawyer long. I wonder if they tied Dallas Austin's hands behind his back before they bent him over? I hope they used rope or something, because handcuffs just seem so impersonal.


Source

Labels: christina aguilera, dallas austin, joss stone

I only barely know who Joss Stone is, but that's probably because I'm not a producer. Because according to this video of Dallas Austin, if I was a producer, Joss Stone would have sex with me in exchange for tracks. I've never heard one of Joss Stone's songs, so I'm guessing sex isn't her strong suit. This chick supposedly has a great voice, so it's weird that she doesn't have a hit, but a talentless fug like Fergie is all over the radio. I guess that's what happens when you're too stuck up to do anal.


Update: Random Joss Stone bikini candids. Because they were there.


Update: About Dallas Austin on Christina Aguilera:

Labels: joss stone, joss stone bikini, nsfw, video