With 40% of it's national annual budget coming from foreign aid (The U.S. of course being the largest donor) and it's external debt of $1.3 billion being forgiven by the World Bank in 2005, 80% of the Haitian population lives below the poverty level with a 65.9% literacy rate. They're apparently not to great with money either, because when they had an earthquake, guess what they needed more of? I bet you'll never guess! Us Magazine reports:

The victims of Haiti's devastating earthquake are getting a major, major leg up from Hollywood and the general public worldwide. By Saturday evening, Friday's all-star "Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief" telethon has raised more than $57 million! [UPDATE: $58M as of today] That sets a new record for donations made by the public through a disaster relief telethon -- and the money keeps coming in from around the world. The impressive preliminary figures account for donations made via phone, online and mobile; iTunes sales and large corporate donations are still being tallied.

Please keep in mind that the chief exports of Haiti are Wyclef Jean and zombies, so I'm not sure there was hope for Haiti before the earthquake. Not really sure what they're expecting now. Pumping in millions of dollars hasn't worked so far, so what's rebuilding gonna do? Oh, I know, rebuilding means celebrities can go on television and pretend to care and you can get a wristband and a bumper sticker. And really, why wouldn't you want to do that? Texting $10 to help a guy with a car door for a roof is way more cooler than buying groceries for a family in Detroit. Telling your friends about the displaced family in Michelle Obama's Red Cross commercial will make you look way more important than telling them about the displaced family you saw on your way to work. Sending a card to a man with an amputated leg in Haiti is way more trendy than sending one to an Iraq veteran in Walter Reed. Because screw that guy. If if he wasn't trying to diffuse that car bomb, he'd still have a leg!

Emma Roberts is the niece of Julia Roberts, and because celebrity is occasionally passed through the bloodline, she's "famous." Specifically, she has a Nickelodeon show, a few family films (including Hotel For Dogs) and an album under her belt, which means one thing...

...it's only a matter of time before this girl starts slutting out like the rest of them. Miley Cyrus and her bare shoulder, Vanessa Hudgens baring it all, they all just start taking off their clothes and coming on the internet.

I will say this about Emma: she's damn pale. It's the sexiness of the winter season, don't get me wrong, but I'm betting if she had her period, her thighs would turn red with the increase in heat and blood-flow.



[Note: Dave is well aware how a period works and that it doesn't pull blood from the legs. But even typing u-t-e-r-u-s makes him fear impregnating someone.]

If any one knows why Britney Spears would seemingly make fun of Julia Roberts' Vanity Fair cover, please feel free to fill us in. While you're at it, you might want to let Britney know that this would've been somewhat endearingly cute if say, gee I don't know, Britney had combed her fucking hair. Or had on a bra. Or wasn't a complete retard. Julia Roberts can be annoying, but at least she built and maintained a Hollywood career. Britney Spears has a better chance of appearing at a Wal-Mart on Mars than she does the cover of Vanity Fair.

I've never been run off the road to be lectured by a sanctimonious Hollywood actress who was swerving between lanes moments before, but if I did, I hope I would handle myself better than this dude. Especially if that actress is Julia Roberts. She looks like a horse, and westerns tell me that you're supposed to kick horses in the ribs when you want them to do something. So, if you ever want Julia Roberts to shut up, I'd suggest probably starting with that.

Julia out shopping on November 17th:


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