Wow, Jess has gone full on lesbian. So to bring down all the sexy that's going on around here, here's JWoww's SIMS character modeling shit from her bikini line. Call me old fashioned, but I think one of the criteria for being a successful bikini model is not look like you just had a consultation at Johns Hopkins.

JWoww has been everywhere this week. First KMart, now Maxim, then next week the free clinic because she's a skank who has herpes. Good morning, everyone!

Note: That...that...face. Even Photoshop said fuck it I can't do anything with this.

I had these pics of JWoww promoting her new fragrance at a damn Kmart yesterday but I didn't get around to posting them because who gives a fuck, it's JWoww. If justice or God were real things, the only way this bitch would be on television is if a detective on Investigative Discovery was talking about how he solved the mystery of the dead tranny they found in a ditch behind a Dollar Tree with her panties stuffed in her mouth.

And rising--the cast of Jersey Shore just got raises. Entertainment Weekly reports:

The cast is being paid a massive amount of money to get drunk and screw around in Italy. For the Shore stars, there is no downside.

As has been reported, the eight-member cast has just finished their salary negotiations. Multiple sources close to the matter tell EW the deal has members of the “core group” now pulling down at least $100,000 per episode, especially once you factor in their bonus structure. Each season is usually 13 episodes. (MTV had no comment.)

That’s a quantum leap for a group that once made headlines by haggling a raise to $10k per episode for season 2. And, of course, the per-episode salary from MTV is only part of the group’s income, with appearances and product endorsements tacking on additional large sums. (One tally puts The Situation’s annual income at $5 million.)

Regardless of what you might think of Snooki, Sitch and Co., they’re not pulling a robbery — on the balance sheet, they’re worth the money. Jersey Shore is like the American Idol of basic cable, delivering huge adult demo numbers that are higher than many, if not most, broadcast shows.

It's been widely documented that these trolls are overpaid and retarded, so I won't even begin to address how fucked up this is. Except to remind you that God is, in fact, dead.

You know things have gotten bad when a Jersey Shore castmember says something that makes sense. Can you hear the horses, 'cause here they come! Us Weekly says:

Days after Kim Kardashian denied that she received filler injections in her lower lip, the MTV personality accused the Kourtney and Kim Take New York star of getting a little work done.

"Funny how stars don't man up to their plastic surgery...I did," the Jersey Shore star (real name: Jenni Farley) tweeted Thursday. "Blaming it on colds, etc. is just hysterical."

Quoting her Jersey Shore costar Deena Cortese, JWoww, 24, added: "Get real!" (Heidi Montag, who famously underwent 10 plastic surgeries in one day, later retweeted JWoww's comment.)

But Kardashian, 30, insists she's never been shy about fessing up to getting some minor cosmetic enhancements.

"I've tried Botox on the show. I'm the first one to talk about anything that I do," she told Extra on Tuesday. "It really pisses me off that all of these plastic surgery rumors are always linked to me."

A bunch of busted mannequins are arguing over who's had more obvious work done. The only people who should actually be pissed off in all of this are their plastic surgeons. Something tells me they won't get good referrals once word gets out that they're farsighted.

Jersey Shore's JWoww spent New Years Eve on MTV reminding everyone that America is stupid. She couldn't even pass a pimp audition, yet she's supposed the hot one on a popular TV show. I don't get it. Frankenstein was put together better than this.

I realize it may be hard to tell since she carries herself with such quiet dignity and grace on Jersey Shore, but Jwoww took naked pictures of herself and sent them to her then boyfriend. He is no longer her boyfriend. He still has the pictures. See how that works, ladies? TMZ reports:

Weeks before the "Jersey Shore" star's ex-boyfriend/former business manager Thomas Lippolis sued Jwoww for allegedly stiffing him on several deals -- Jwoww's lawyer sent the guy a letter explaining a "final payment" for his services was in the works. The document could be the proof that Lippolis needs to get the $350,000 he's demanding from the reality star. But in the letter, the lawyer added, "It has come to [Jwoww's] attention that you may be in possession of certain photos of her that may be derogatory to her image and in violation of her contract with MTV." Sources connected to the former couple tell TMZ ... the photos in question contain some very nude images of the reality star. Jwoww's attorney demanded the return of the pics ASAP -- but we're told nothing has been exchanged thus far.

Yeah, so "derogatory to her image and in violation of her contract with MTV", huh? Is she naked while killing dolphins or hunting homeless people? Is naked and cleaning up after she accidentally killed a hooker? If not, then I'm not seeing how pics of this skank's tits are gonna be derogatory to her image. I think the face pretty much has that covered.

I get a lot of emails telling me that if I wouldn't bang Jwoww then I must be a blatant homosexual, so I guess that means I don't have to be afraid to release my line of fabulous hair products for underprivileged kids. Because, I'm obviously gay. Or just might not like a tatted up skank with stretch marks and a flabby ass. And a female pattern baldness. And a cauterized belly button. And man hands. And makeup that looks like my grandmother's at her funeral. But we can go with the gay thing if you want.