As you might have already guessed, the 2009 MTV VMAs were last night and since I'm not a 14-year old cutter with bangles and daddy didn't love me hair, I missed it. Sorry about that. Mostly because I was wondering if Jake Delhomme would be a better quarterback with both of his arms chopped off. Hey, we gotta try something!

Some people who were there:

Kanye West went all gay fish for last night's South Park. You can see the whole episode at SouthParkStuidos.com

Taylor Swift is going to strip for charity? I'll donate to an anti-abortion league if I get to see Taylor Swift stripping. [FatBackMedia]

Russell Brand: Vampire had two mysterious women in black robes in his house. Creepy? Creepy. [LaineyGossip]

Christina Applegate lost both her boobs to cancer, yet she keeps smoking. That's addiction for you [ICYDK]

Is Amy Winehouse dating her bodyguard? And how stupid is the bodyguard? [ImNotObsessed]

Lady GaGa must be on some sort of list that allows her to go everywhere without wearing pants. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Jennifer Aniston was joined by Jason Bateman on the set of Baster. [BadandUgly]

And in a day without enough nipples, Pink wore a see-through dress. Serendipity indeed. Site NSFW. [TaxiDriverMovie]

As far as I could tell, this is from some visual effects studio that must have worked on one of Kanye West videos. And what better thing to do in your spare time then make fun of Kanye West? It might SAVE THE KEYS OF HIS MACBOOK AIR YO!!!!!!11!!!! CUZ HE IS THE CAPS LOCK GREATEST!!!111!!one!!!!

Not to mention the more "Puttin' On The Ritz" there is in your life, the better. Trust me on this one.

Christian The Lion just reminded me that no animal or person loves me [Videogum]

Putting your mouth on Ashlee Simpson's boobs? Ok, I guess. Drinking her breast milk? Not as kosher. [celebritysmackblog]

Oops, I didn't know we couldn't talk about sex Madonna's mustache. [The Daily Fix]

Kanye West is staying indoors for New Year's, because it's Rockin' Eve not New Year's Auto-Tuning Eve!!!!11!!! [Pink Is The New Blog]

Sexy Scarlett Johansson says she'll grow out of sexy. Ryan Reynolds says, "I've set divorce lawyers on speed dial." [Popoholic]

It's either Lily Allen topless or the worst mosquito bites I've ever seen on a 10-year-old boy. [Bastardly]

Brandy's shirt looks like it's about to rip open, and we still forgot who she was. Out of principle. [Hollywood Tuna]

Janine James, the porn star pictured on Blink 182's Enema Of The State album cover got arrested for tax evasion and will do 6 months. [Hollywood Rag]

If "Single Ladies was performed by the Newsies it would look like this, but with Christian Bale [Towelroad]

Jessica Simpson stinks too [Hollywood Tuna]
Lindsay Lohan nuzzled Sean Penn [Dlisted]
Christina Aguilera wants you to smell like her [Hollywood Rag]
Brad and Angelina are topping lists [Popsugar]
The Black Hole of Hasselhoff [City Rag]
Kylie Minogue's shitty see through dress [Drunken Stepfather]
Lily Allen panty slip (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Sophia Bush and her push-up bra [Popoholic]
Meryl Streep is in character on the carpet [Lainey Gossip]
Josh Holloway is shirtless [Just Jared]
Will Smith is no Brad Pitt [Socialite Life]
Heidi Montag is a retard [Egotastic]
Wheel of Fortune Awkwardness [College Humor]
Murky Waters (Cadillac Records) [Pajiba]

Video up top: Kanye West acting like a bitch after a fan threw something at him during a recent concert. NSFW language.

I really want to like Kanye West, I really do, but his incessant whining and tantrums when people don't think he invented music ruins any chance of that. His bottle must be empty today, because he's saying MTV Awards are fixed. Of course! The Sun reports:

"The grumpy superstar was upset with the choice of winners at the big shows in both America and the UK this year. And he claims he only won Ultimate Urban at the European bash in Liverpool last week because he turned up. Kanye had his rant at the launch of 808s & Heartbreak, his new album, before the first of his dazzling show at London’s O2 Arena on Tuesday. He said: "Britney Spears over Rihanna? Are you serious? "I mean f****** Jared Leto? He's my boy but he shouldn’t have won over some of those other artists. I won nothing last year and I’d brought out Stronger."

In case you're wondering how he plans to win next year, oh boy, look out:

"He admitted he "hated" his 2005 smash Gold Digger - and the new material is more Phil Collins than rap. Phil's fingerprints are on a lot of the good pop music that's coming out at the moment."

Kanye's right. Nothing connects with the youth of today like Phil Collins. You can't walk in any inner city neighborhood or college campus without hearing Sussudio. In fact, my ring tone even explains how she's an easy lover. She'll take your heart but you won't feel it. She's like no other, and before you know it you'll be on your knees.

Kanye arriving at the MTV pre-EMAs dinner, November 5th:


Photos: Splash

AnnaLynne McCord is some chick who plays somebody on the new 90210, and for some reason she wore this silver bikini thing to Christian Audigier The Nightclub in Vegas on Saturday. Thanks, I guess, but hopefully next time she can wear a Halle Berry mask, because AnnaLynne's plastic surgeon needs to be indicted on several counts of messing her face up. Or maybe he hasn't done enough work, I can't tell. Whatever is happening here looks like it involved a rodeo bull and an ice pick.

It was only a matter of time before one of Kanye West's hissy fits got him arrested or shot. Today is apparently that day. TMZ reports:

Kanye West has just been arrested at LAX for felony vandalism. A still photographer was trying to take pics of Kanye at the American Airlines terminal. According to our guy on the scene, Kanye allegedly confronted the photog and smashed his camera to the ground. Our photog then began videotaping the scene when Kanye's bodyguard grabbed our camera -- a struggle ensued and the bodyguard threw the video camera to the ground, breaking it. When Kanye realized our camera guy had videotaped the incident, he rushed our guy and yelled, "Gimme that f**king tape!" Both Kanye and his bodyguard have been arrested and will be booked."

Well, at least Kanye will be okay in jail. Black guys who wear cardigans and fresh manicures are notoriously feared in the yard.


Source: TMZ