Last year's American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert released his debut album cover yesterday and I don't know how queer they wanted to make it, but this couldn't get any gayer if they used puffy stickers and a winking unicorn prancing in a leotard holding a sparkler in his mouth. It's hard to tell by Adam's face, but he might want to see if Denzel Washington will take his case.

Madam Lambert and Katy Perry in a see through dress at the premiere of This Is It:

Katy Perry has a ridiculously awesome rack and a gr...um, uhhh yeah, that's pretty much it. So it's great that she went to a Mika concert this weekend at the Palladium wearing this kick ass top. It doesn't bring out her eyes like when I wear my satin halter top and glitter thong, but I don't want to brag. I only wear it because it makes me feel beautiful.

Russell Brand and Katy Perry have been "secretly" dating since the MTV Movie Awards, and Brand has already said he is in love. Was Katy's completely manufactured image that set his heart alight? Was it the meh injections in her face that caused cupid's arrow to pierce his soul? Was it her overrated and generic music about pretend lesbianism and temperatures that caught his loving gaze? No, um, actually it was her rack.The Sun reports:

Amazingly the randy telly star, famed for dating a string of beautiful girls, could finally give up his womanising for dark-haired Katy, 24. Pals say he is besotted with the I Kissed A Girl singer, who is currently at Paris Fashion Week, and no longer has eyes for anyone else. Speaking exclusively to The Sun at his £2million home in Hampstead, North London, Russell said: "I think I'm in love." But asked about his nights of passion with Katy, he said coyly: "I don't think I should be drawn on that." Russell and Katy's relationship got off to a romantic start after they met at the MTV Video Music Awards last month. He sent her a love poem by email and she replied with a snapshot of her boobs.

Not to sound too modest, but I get pictures of boobs sent to me all the time. My spam filter deletes anything below a C, but the point I'm trying to make here ladies, is take pictures of your boobs and send them to us. I promise. It will work. It's not a coincidence that after you got that top from Charlotte Russe that Bill from sales wanted to spend his lunch listening to you trying to interpret your cat's dreams. But seriously, fuck your cat, he's just waiting for you to stop talking so he may ask if it is an acceptable to time to titty fuck you.

When you're a singer(?) and have no other discernible talent except big tits, it's always good when you shoot a video to fondle them while you're getting hosed down with water. However, I prefer semen when directing videos like this. It catches some chicks off guard, but mostly because I bought them from Bulgaria and they can't really understand the consent form.

I have no idea if she won anything or not at the VMAs last night, but Katy Perry's heavenly rack was the night's clear winner. Yes, she's annoying and looks like a Dollar Tree Zooey Deschanel, but as the point of this post suggests, she has a big tits. And that's pretty much all I care about. That and my action figure collection. A handful of brave men beamed down from the space station Skyvault, becoming man and machine! Power Xtreme!!!

Let's face it, Katy Perry looks like a swap meet Zooey Deschanel, but at least she has really big tits and you can always count on her to rock a bikini. Except, no. No not really. She was in Mexico last December and looked absolutely fantastic (here and here), then she went to Barbados with Rihanna and wore this god awful mess, now she's in Vegas wearing something from the 1983 Fischer-Price My First Bikini line. I don't want to tell Katy Perry how to dress, but unless you're a 5-year old girl or a potato chip, ruffles might not be the best look.

Katy Perry's face is reason enough to endorse Obama's healthcare reform plan, but damn she has a fantastic rack. She can't really sing, her music sucks, and she's kinda goofy, but big tits can make up for a lot things. Especially during job interviews. You do want this job don't you, sweetie?

When you're a "singer" desperate for fame and attention with no discernible talent other than a nice rack, sometimes you do things like take a picture of you lying naked in a bathtub covered in pizza and post it on your Twitter. Like Katy Perry did yesterday. I realize she posted this to keep perpetuating her manufactured image of a quirky free spirit who doesn't fit into your stereotypes or follow your rules, but you know all this bitch wanted is for people to say how bad they want to fuck her. Don't get me wrong, I would, but my penis has exacting tastes. He enjoys intimate and stimulating conversation and a mutual connection based on love and like interests, not some chick who dresses in fruit. Sometimes I wonder if he really knows me at all.