For all intents and purposes, PETA is a terrorist organization and a death cult who kill more animals than 1,000 people who wear fur, so if you really want to get behind your cause, you're really gonna have to do a lot better than Kong, a 40-chick with Hep C, and a vagina that looks like Stargate.So thank God somebody over there took time out from throwing frozen kittens in dumpsters and called Keeley Hazell to be in their ads. Specifically, Keeley Hazell's legendary tits. The only way her tits could be more perfect is if they granted wishes.

CLICK ON THE BANNER PIC. YOU KNOW THE DRILL.

Keeley Hazell hasn't been on here in a while, so it's time to all change that. Especially since she has the greatest pair of tits in the known galaxy. I swear, if my penis got anywhere inside this chick, I'd blow so hard she'd look like a dolphin.

Click the banner picture to see the rest of the NSFW gallery or click HERE to see God's miraculous wonders.

Megan Fox sex soundboard [Coed Magazine]

Phone sex pranks [College Humor]

Carmen Electra topless [Taxidriver Movie]

The chick from Weeds is naked in Esquire [Egotastic]

Hayden Panettiere and her push up bikini in Details [Popoholic]

Britney Spears hasn't changed [Fatback]

Pirahna 3D will make you gag. Not in the sexy way like I would. [ShockTillYouDrop]

HEY: LET'S BE FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK, MYSPACE, and TWITTER!!

Askmen.com's Top 99 Most Desirable list came out today, and Eva Mendes was voted the Most Desirable of 2009. Yeah, sure, okay.

AskMen.com's Top 99 Most Desirable Women is an annual list compiled by AM readers and staff, ranking the famous females deemed to be the year's most alluring. Readers are asked to look beyond sex appeal and beauty to pick women who have the characteristics they value in a potential companion, like intelligence, humor, charisma, and ambition. The result is a list that acts as the definitive gauge for identifying what modern men desire most in their female companions.

Wow, so AskMen.com is obviously written by dudes in pink ascots drinking chamomile tea because I don't think I've ever used the word "alluring"to describe a chick. Look, I'm not trying to take Eva Mendes on a dangerous jungle adventure to recover a lost diamond, I just want to see how close I can get her ankles to her ears. I can't shake the feeling that Askmen.com might be somewhat overthinking this.

Note: In case you were wondering, the rest of the Top 10 are: #10 Kate Beckinsale, #9 Kristen Bell, #8 Rihana, #7 Scarlett Johansson, #6 Alessandra Ambrosio, #5 Anne Hathaway, #4 Keeley Hazell, #3 Marisa Miller, #2 Megan Fox. Jesus, 10, 9, 6, 4, 3, 2 are like penis powerball numbers.



Keeley Hazell:

Here's Keeley Hazell launching the Playstation 3 game, MotorStorm Pacific Rift, in London yesterday and as you canohmygodwhatthehell. What's the deal with her face? Has it always looked like that? And did she get a breast reduction while I was asleep? I'm confused. So in conclusion, Keeley Hazell's tits look way smaller and her face isn't as pretty. I have a sneaking suspicion that these two might be related somehow.

Keeley Hazell has big tits. So for Halloween she's a witch with big tits. I'm not gonna lie, if more witches looked like this then Wicca might take off. As it stands right now, recycling chicks with green hair and fresh cut marks don't really resonate with my penis.

Click lips for NSFW pics:

There really isn't much more that can be said about Keeley Hazell's magnificent tits. You know, that I didn't already say during my trial. You'll never keep us apart!!

So, I know these pictures of Keeley in Maximal magazine are a fews days old now, but it's my hope that these might help fight against the tyrannical campaign to rid the world of erections that have had a grip on this site and it's citizens for far too long. But I am just one man. And there is much work to be done.