Kelly Carlson could have braided intestines for hair and after seeing her once as Kimber, the hooker with the heart of gold, on Nip/Tuck you'd still cum at least once. So imagine my surprise when she showed up in a bikini in Malibu. I have things to do later, and I don't feel like approving comments, so "Ewwww, she has fake tits!", "Where is her ass? I'd take Christina Hendricks or Aretha Franklin any day over this chick", "Todd, you're obviously a fag", "She has hips of a 10-year old, Thai boy!", "OMG, it's so obvious that beach was photoshopped in". I know the chocolate on your keyboard is doing a great job of it already, but does that pretty much cover it?

Kelly Carlson plays, Kimber, the ex-porn star with the heart and vagina of gold on Nip/Tuck, and she attended an event I didn't bother to look up this weekend, and the discerning eye will notice that she's now a brunette. Not that it really matters to me. She could have braided intestines for hair and I'd still cum at least once.

I almost didn't post these pictures of the painful erection known as Kelly Carlson, because at first, I thought they were labeled "Kelly Clarkson", which made my penis steal my laptop and look for a Priceline negotiator for a trip to Thailand. Luckily for him, these pictures weren't of Kelly Clarkson but of Kelly Carlson. However, I'm a little concerned that whenever somebody hears the name "Kelly Carlson" they immediately think about some stumpy white chick who sings about crying and recipes. That's like Kobe Bryant getting confused with an NBDL player named Coby Brian.