Kelly Osbourne is throwing Miley Cyrus a birthday party. It's a slow news day. E! Online reports:

"It's intimate, but it's going to be the sickest thing she's ever seen in her life," Osbourne tells us exclusively. "Although I see her on the same level mentally as me, I also realize that Miley's 19 and she deserves to still have fun," the 27-year-old Fashion Police host said of her So Undercover costar. "Because that girl has so much pressure on her and has worked her ass off her entire life that I think a lot of the time people forget that she deserves to have fun too. So that was my mission for her, to make her birthday...the best day ever." Osbourne stayed tight-lipped on specifics but did tease, "I've got all sorts of madness and craziness." Osbourne says she's been planning the party for days and was even at the event venue until 11 p.m. on Monday working everything out.

Considering the amount of time Kelly Osbourne's spent in rehab and the amount of shit Miley Cyrus got for smoking something legal, I can't wait to see what kind of madness and craziness they'll get into. I bet it'll involve pie and talking shit about people more relevant than they are. Or maybe pie baked into a cake and talking shit about their dads and people more relevant than they are. Those girls know how to rage!

Apparently Kelly Osbourne was dating some dude named Luke Worrall for two years and they were engaged. Until this Christmas, when apparently he realized he was engaged to Kelly Osbourne and tried to fuck the pain away with as many girls as possible. Then like most insane chicks, Kelly let everybody know about it on Twitter.
Us Magazine reports:

At first, Osbourne was vague, Tweeting: "Just found something out that has hurt my feelings so bad :( and christmas was going so well." She added cryptically: "What do you do when someone lies in the darkest way and you try to tell the person that was lied to but they don't believe you? I think the best part of this situation is that I have been painted out to be the crazy one when all I did was tell the honest to God truth." Finally, Osbourne (who is reportedly back in London for the holidays with parents Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne and her siblings) took aim at her British model ex, suggesting that a failed Christmas reconciliation went down. "Luke Worrall is the biggest piece of s**, he has been trying to get back with me, I only came home for Xmas to see him. Meanwhile, he has been f***ing hundreds of girls...behind my back." She angrily continued: "All he did was use me. All girls, beware of @Luke_worral he is a using C***! He used me for my money and a free ride. He is lucky I am not spilling the whole truth about what he did!" "He is the worst thing that ever happened to me," Osbourne sniped. "I don't give a f*** what happens to him anymore...I am and always will be too good for him...Darling, your pretty face will only get you so far because you don't have the brains to back it up." "Don't think I have ever felt so stupid," she added. "He made a fool of me." Explaining that she's going "off Twitter for a while," Osbourne noted, "never felt heart brake like this in my life."

Well, okay then. Seems like she's handling this well. Moving on.

Kelly Osbourne apparently lost 400 pounds recently and to celebrate that, she posted this pic on her official Twitter. Sure, okay. I've seen transvestites that were more convincing to my penis. Next.

I have no idea why Shia LaBeouf decided to walk down the street with a paper bag over his head and a plastic bag over his hand yesterday, but I'm sure there are thousands of reasons why somebody would do that. Oh, wait, no there's not. There's just one: drugs.



Photo Credit : Splash

Unfortunately, somebody didn't knock this shit out of Kelly Osbourne's bratty ass, but fortunately, she has a black eye. Mail Online says:

While Kelly may have looked like she had been in a fight, her spokesman said the reality TV star had fallen prey to some bad DIY when the contents of a cupboard fell on top of her. Kelly had a low-key bank holiday weekend at home after suffering from a tummy bug. Her illness was made even worse when she reached to get a glass from a cupboard in her kitchen and the whole piece of furniture fell off the wall on top of her, cutting her temple and hitting her in the left eye."

Is anybody concerned about this chick? Really? Her life consists of spending her dad's money and doubling her caloric intake. I mean, the dude in Canada who cut that guy's head off on the bus and the Staples easy button are more famous than this bitch. Think about that.


Kelly last week in London:


Photos: Daily Mail; Splash

Remember Kelly Osbourne? Yeah, she's really fucking drunk. The Sun UK reports:

...Cutting a ghostly figure as she emerged four hours later, Kelly then needed a helping hand from her PA and a wall to find her way to a taxi. A club source said: "She was knocking back the Treasure Chest cocktails all night. No wonder Kerry was looking a little spaced out." Treasure Chests are a potent combination of brandy and peach liqueur topped with a bottle of champagne."

The article says she was drunk and these pictures kinda prove it, so I guess Kelly Osbourne was drunk. Which makes sense, because what the hell else is she gonna do? I'm just glad they explained what a "Treasure Chest" was. Because I was positive I saw one in a German porn one time.

I love London. It's a magical place filled with extra "u"s in words and drunk whores. The Daily Mail reports:

One is a millionaire model. The other the daughter of rock royalty. But last night, Kate Moss and Kelly Osbourne turned 3am party girls to pair up for a wild night out in London, leaving both clearly the worse for wear as they partied until the early hours of this morning. Kate leant heavily on boyfriend Jamie Hince, as she and Kelly left club Punk in Soho last night. The 34-year-old model, and mother of daughter Lila Grace, 5, exited the club unsteadily with her head hanging down, wearing black shorts and a leather jacket, and opaque tights which appeared to have stains on them. While a dramatically pale Kelly, the daughter of rocker Ozzy Osbourne and X Factor judge Sharon, clearly needed the support of two pals as she made her way out to the waiting car."

Man, this club must be hot. I imagine people fall over themselves to party with a washed up model and her fat drunk friend. I know I would. This is exactly like the clubs in L.A. except with way more BMI and resistance to sunlight.