Kong Kardashian's plan to trick a rich NBA player into marrying her then divorcing him and taking half of his money under California's retarded no-fault divorce law has been shattered today. Well, that's because Lamar Odom's lawyer has made sure that when they get divorced, all Kong is gonna get is a parting gift and some cab fare. TMZ reports:

We've learned Lamar Odom has already met with his lawyer to hash out a prenup before making his wedding to Khloe Kardashian official. We've learned Odom went to the Beverly Hills law office of divorce-guru Neal Hersh last Friday to hash out the terms. Hersh won't return our call, but Odom's people tell us "Lamar has a set of balls" -- translation, he's not giving Khloe half of anything. We're told Lamar wants to make sure the money and other assets he brings into the marriage are solely his. Beyond that, we're told Lamar ain't giving Khloe half of his earnings going forward

I'm surprised woodland creatures aren't singing about true love's first kiss and magical brooms aren't coming to life to clean the marital suite, because this is obviously some sort of romantic fairytale.

Your thoughts, Mr. Wonka?



Kim Kardashian pumping gas:

People were a little upset yesterday, saying that I should be happy for Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom because you never know where love is going to lead your heart and if you meet someone, your heart just knows that you will be with this person forever and that's exactly what happened to Khloe and Lamar and instead of making fun of them, I should embrace their happiness like true love's first kiss. Okay, I will. But maybe you should tell them the same thing. TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian are not legally married ... and they won't be until a prenup is signed. We've learned two high-powered family law attorneys are already squaring off, trying to hash out the prenup Odom wants as a condition to marriage. Neal Hersh is doing his bidding, while Lisa Meyer is repping Khloe. We're told the negotiations -- which began last Friday -- are already contentious.

Man, it really is hard to imagine a Kardashian would whore herself out for publicity, so I'm not really sure who to believe here. It's almost like the time David Beckham and I were planning to get married and he was all concerned about his money. Yeah, whatever, David. Question: Tell me how you feel about this. Try to control me boy you get dismissed. Always 50/50 in relationships.

IDLYITW is now a Khloe Kardashian picture free zone:

TMZ says this picture of newlyweds Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom were taken outside a L.A. hotel last night, but I'm pretty sure it's Greyskull and Odom just held aloft his magic sword, because he's giving this beast a piggy back ride. As you look at this picture, please keep in mind that Lamar Odom is 6'10", 230. He should be able to carry a human-sized chick in a papoose or in a basket like Little Red Riding Hood, but Khloe's snow shoes are hanging by this dude's knees. Dear God, the only way I'd want to see this chick naked is if she was on my soccer team and our plane crashed in the Andes.

The only pictures available right now of their "wedding". If you have a microscope and a low sense of self-worth, feel free to enjoy them:

The third best Kardashian and the third best Laker got married at a private residence in Beverly Hills yesterday after only meeting each other one month ago and divorcing two months from now. People reports:

In what proved to be an elegant finale to their month-long courtship, Khloe Kardashian wed Los Angeles Laker Lamar Odom Sunday evening at a private residence in Beverly Hills, PEOPLE confirms. The two were married in front of triple arches of white roses created by celebrity florist Mark's Garden. At 5:12 p.m., Kardashian, 25, walked down the outdoor aisle in a Vera Wang gown on the arm of her stepfather, Bruce Jenner, with sisters Kim and a pregnant Kourtney at her side. Cameras rolled for a future episode of E!'s Keeping Up With the Kardashians as 250 guests – including the show's producer Ryan Seacrest, Kelly Osbourne, Odom's Laker teammate Kobe Bryant, with his wife Vanessa, and TV personalities Chelsea Handler, Lara Spencer, Brittny Gastineau and Lala Vazquez – looked on. Guests began arriving at the black-tie affair (at which BlackBerrys were banned) more than an hour in advance for a pre-wedding reception. A 10-piece orchestra played during the ceremony, held on the grounds of the home of music mogul Irving Azoff, a family friend...Asked if would consider producing a show with Khloe and Lamar, Ryan Seacrest replied, "I'm seriously thinking about it."

The article goes on to say that the bride chose a fabulous bacon and chocolate chip cake for the reception. "A bacon and chocolate chip cake is great, but put a ring of cheese around the crust and JACKPOT!!", she was overheard as saying.


Kong and Lamar Odom at BOA Steakhouse on September 9th:

I guess when your two older sisters are a billion times hotter than you in every possible way because you're a giant who takes estrogen shots to fight the effects of your heterogametic condition, you probably lay up nights thinking of ways to overcompensate. Like Khloe Kardashian did when she posted pictures of her dressed up like a mermaid on her Twitter yesterday. I know she thinks these are supposed to be sexy, but she looks like something Aquaman would fight. I swear, if this came out of the water after me, I'd be fumbling with my harpoon like people in horror movies do with their keys when they're trying to unlock a door, because it would be obvious that she was trying to eat me.

Some people are angry because the entire Kardashian family is suing Hustler Entertainment for their spoof porn of their E! reality show. But please keep in mind, unlike Kim, the whores in this video actually got paid.

Kim Kardashian and her beast sister, Khloe, went to New York for Fashion Week, but they should've just went to Baby Gap or the Keebler Elve's tree instead, because good luck trying to find anything that fits, skanks. I don't know if you can get stretch marks on a dress or not, but let's just see Kim try to squeeze her gigantic ass into something just worn by a 15 year old Russian model who just drank an suppository and smack smoothie. Kim would make that dress look like David Banner would be wearing it after he woke up in the woods with no recollection of where he is....or what he's done.

I appreciate the mystical Warlocks and graduate students at MIT who airbrushed Khloe Kardashian's new PETA ad, but I hate to break it to you, she looks like the Abominable Snowman if he found a bottle of Nair. I see what PETA is trying to do here, but Khloe Kardashian hunting wooly mammoths with a spear shouldn't be the first thing I think of when I see an anti-fur ad.