Khloe NonKardashian is denying that she's undergoing fertility treatments to make a baby with Lamar Odom. WENN reports:

Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian has shot down speculation she is planning to undergo fertility treatment in a bid to start a family. The TV personality has already had to address rumors she is not a true Kardashian this month amid allegations late lawyer Robert Kardashian is not her biological father, and now she’s facing another gossip storm as reports suggest she is interviewing fertility doctors after failing to fall pregnant with husband Lamar Odom’s child. But the 27 year old has taken to Twitter.com to rebuff the reports, insisting she would be open and honest if she was undergoing treatment. She writes, “Because there seems to be much speculation, here is my statement… I am not at this time in my life considering any type of fertility treatments. If and when I do, I will shout it from the rooftops but for now its in God’s hands.”

If God exists, no amount of fertility treatments will enable Khloe Kardashian to breed. Unless it's the really vengeful God that came out when the Duggars went for troll #20. He seemed pretty cool.

"We bought a zoo! This thing came with it! Not sure what it is let me take a picture with it."

Since his wife is a bastard and an abomination against nature who will eventually be tracked and killed in a windmill by villagers after a marginally successful stint at power forward in the NBA D-League, Lamar Odom went to a Washington, D.C. strip club and made it rain on several hos. Radar Online reports:

The 27-year-old reality star's husband of more than two years, Dallas Mavericks star Lamar Odom, had a wild night with strippers at a notorious Washington D.C. strip club on January 8, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned. Multiple eyewitnesses have told RadarOnline.com that Odom dropped hundreds of dollars on dancers and at one point was sprawled out in a dimly lit corner of Stadium Club strip club, a venue that bills itself as a "five star dining and premier gentleman's club experience."..."Strippers were grinding on him," the onlooker said in an exclusive interview. He attended the seedy club with Mavericks' teammates Shawn Marion and Delonte West in the hours before the 2011 NBA champions were honored by President Barack Obama in a ceremony at the White House on January 9...."That's where the VIPs go when they don't want to be seen publicly with a stripper," the source at the venue said. "Lamar disappeared into the back of the venue where the private rooms are. He was there for quite awhile, but eventually came back to hang with the strippers in the main area again. The stripper that gave him most of his lap dances was a complete Khloe look-a-like."

Also, as a rule of thumb, if you go to a strip club, make sure your wife doesn't have 82 billion Twitter followers:

Several strip-clubbers posted Tweets about Odom's visit, too.

@IamBentleyEvans wrote, "Oh oh Lamar Odom gon (sic) be at Stadium. Khloe can sleep well tonight. The girls r too pretty and not muscular enough for him."

@Dai_laSoul wrote, "Lamar Odom at stadium n dc ACTING BAD @KhloeKardashian.

Wait, all I got from this is "five star dining and premier gentleman's club experience". Anybody know if they're on Yelp?

Radar Online is confirming what we all already knew.

Robert Kardashian's ex-wife and widow have come forward in a Star magazine exclusive in which they both claim that the late Kardashian expressed his doubts about the paternity of Khloe. "Khloe is not his kid -- he told me that after we got married," Jan Ashley, 63, the woman who married Robert after Kris Jenner, revealed to Star. "He just kind of looked at me and said [it] like it was a matter of fact. He said, 'Well, you know that Khloe's not really a Kardashian, don't you?' And I said…'OK,' and that was it." Ellen Kardashian, 63, married Robert in 2003 just two months before his death, after dating for nearly six years -- and she has also come forward after eight years of silence to "tell the truth" about the Kardashian family. "Khloe brought it up all the time," Ellen told Star. "She looked nothing like the rest. She was tall, had a different shape, light hair, curly hair. Didn't look anything like the other three children." And while Kris recently admitted in her new book that she cheated on Robert during their marriage, both Jan and Ellen said they've always known she cheated, and so did Robert. "Robert did question the fact that Khloe was his," Ellen said. "Any normal man would if they knew their wife had cheated on him." Since Robert's death in 2003, Ellen fell on hard financial times -- filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy in 2010 and last October the home that she and Robert shared in Indian Wells, Calif. was sold after going into foreclosure. But in a final bombshell, Ellen claims Robert told her that he and Kris weren't even sleeping together at the time Khloe was conceived. "[But] he never would have considered a DNA test," Ellen concluded. "He loved her very much."

Surprise! I just wanted an excuse to watch this again.

For those of you who didn't spot this photo earlier this week, that's Kong Kardashian before she was, well, Kong. She wants to go back to that. Guess who won't let her? Radar Online reports:

Khloe Kardashian wants to dye her hair again, as she did earlier this year when she briefly turned a redhead, but her momager, Kris Jenner, and E! won't let her change her luscious locks, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. ... Khloe dyed her hair a gorgeous shade of red earlier this year, but she was forced almost immediately to go back to her darker locks because of filming on the E! reality shows. Khloe told her fans on her blog: "Hi dolls. I was just looking at pics of me with my red hair and I got kind of sad LOL. It was such a fun, new look for me– I really miss it!!!! So I figured I would do a little gallery devoted to my short-lived redhead look!!" Khloe wants to dye her hair again, back to blonde this time, but Kris has said she can't because filming of Keeping Up With The Kardashians is going to begin right after New Year's Eve. "Khloe just wants to simply change her hair color, she has been leaning towards going blonde this time. She has wigs that she owns and when she dons the blonde locks, Lamar LOVES it. Lamar thinks his wife should be able to have her hair whatever color she wants. Practically every woman in Dallas is blonde, and Khloe just thinks it would be fun for her to do," a family insider tells RadarOnline.com. The rebellious Kardashian gal has even inquired if E! can legally dictate her hair color, and the answer is, yes! "E! has a very strict contract with the entire family. Before any physical changes are made on any of the family members during times when the shows are shooting, they must be approved by the network. Executives at E! want Khloe to remain a brunette so that it doesn't date the series when it reruns. The suits want all of the sisters to have a similar look because the girls are branded as sisters, and having one of them showing up on screen with hair a different color, throws that off, and they don't want to alienate viewers," the source says.

So what if she looks like a bloated Hilton sister? If Kim's sham marriage and water sports didn't alienate viewers, I don't see how Khloe's hair color will. If anything it should open the show up to a new audience of bastards and adopted kids whose own parents don't even love them.

E! News waited until 4pm yesterday to acknowledge that their cash cows use Chinese slave labor, and in a shocking turn, it was completely slanted and subjective. I think I'm using the word "shocking" wrong.

"The story is not true," the Kardashians' rep, Jill Fritzo, tells E! News. The family was tipped off the explosive allegations after the dubious tandem of Star magazine and Radar claimed that certain items from the K-Dash by Kardashian label, the Kris Jenner Kollection and ShoeDazzle, a company cofounded by Kim Kardashian, were made under horrific conditions. The publications alleged factory employees often work up to 84 hours a week in non-air-conditioned facilities and earn only $1 an hour. That prompted a probe by the watchdog group Institute for Global Labour and Human Rights. The family itself said it was taking the accusations "very seriously," and after checking things out determined the report was wrong.

Kris Jenner is taking the allegations so seriously in fact that instead of flying to China personally to see the working conditions of these factories that allow her to make $65M in profit instead of $10M herself, she's now suing anyone who might have the audacity to suggest that her sole purpose in life is to make as much money as she can.
TMZ reports:

The Kardashian family is preparing for war -- gearing up to unleash a legal attack on everyone who claimed their clothing line is manufactured in child slave labor sweat shops in China ... TMZ has learned. Sources close to the family tell us ... Kris Jenner is furious -- claiming the guy who runs the Institute for Global Labour and Human Rights had no right to accuse the Kardashian brands of wrongdoing because he has no tangible proof to back up his claims. Jenner also believes Star Magazine's cover -- which screamed "Kardashian Sweatshop Scandal" -- was not only unfair ... but libelous ... and it should have to pay for any damage that has been caused to the brand's reputation.

Kris Jenner exploits and whores out her own children on primetime television, so let's not kid ourselves into thinking she gives one fuck about some starving Chinese kid making her shitty clothes 84 hours a week. The Kardashian family is a microcasm of everything that is wrong with America. It's funny how the whole family feigns concern about the genocide in Armenia and the atrocious conditions in Haiti, but have no problem putting a shock collar around some Chinese kid's neck with no other options if he doesn't make his daily quota of cropped fur vests. Fuck them I guess is what I'm trying to say.

Wait, you mean people who shop at Sears don't want to look like an Armenian transvestite hooker in animal print? I wasn't expecting that. MSN Money reports:

Kim Kardashian became a world sensation almost overnight. The celebrity has her own reality show and millions of fans. So you would think the fashionably chic Kardashian Kollection would have been besieged by shoppers and sold out during the Black Friday rush. After all, practically all major retail stores, including Macy’s (M -0.35%) and Target (TGT +0.58%), were swamped by tens of thousands of eager shoppers. But that wasn't the case at Sears (SHLD -2.52%), where the Kardashian Kollection held sway and was among the elegant products displayed for sale. In fact, Sears was betting the Kardashian name and collection of fashion products would stir up consumer excitement. Wrong. The products hardly brought in the gushing crowds that celebrity products usually attract. Kmart stores (a Sears unit) also introduced products named after another rising mega star, Sofia Vergara, of the TV show "Modern Family." But "these initiatives have not been effective," said Marija Dabovic, a retail industry analyst investment research firm Value Line. The Kardashian Kollection consists of almost every product that women would want in the world of celebrity fashion, complete with winsome dresses, fashionable shoes and jewelry, and trendy handbags, intimates, belts and sunglasses. Alas, the electric Kardashian name failed to deliver. There are no signs of a turnaround at Sears. "Sears Holdings has yet to see meaningful improvement," says Dabovic, as the company continues to be in the red, posting losses in every quarter so far this year.

I'm sure sales will pick up now that everybody knows that the gorgeous long-sleeve crepe wrap top that gives you a flirty look for the next be-seen evening adventure was actually made by a Chinese child chained to a wall who gets four minutes and a bucket in case he has to take a shit. The American people love heartwarming stories like that during Christmas time.

So, about those clothing lines. Star (via Radar Online) reports:

A prestigious human-rights watchdog organization has launched an investigation into America’s top TV family, with officials imploring the Kardashians not to profit from what amounts to “slave labor.” “The Kardashians are in bed with some pretty bad people,” Charles Kernaghan, the executive director of the Institute for Global Labour and Human Rights, tells Star. “Not only are celebrities like the Kardashians taking advantage of these workers, they are holding hands with a government that spits on democracy and women’s rights.” ... Items in the family’s high-end K-Dash by Kardashian label and the Kris Jenner Kollection — sold on the home-shopping television network QVC — and ShoeDazzle, a company that Kim cofounded and endorses, are all manufactured in areas of China where government regulations are often ignored and workers are subject to inhumane conditions. ... The sweatshop workers live in squalid factory-run dormitories filled with the stench of sewage while toiling up to 84 hours during seven-day work weeks to produce some of the goods that helped Kourtney, 32, Kim, 31, Khloé, 27, mom Kris, 56, and the rest of their family earn $65 million last year. Shockingly, the impoverished workers earn just a paltry $1 an hour, slaving away in factories in the Guangdong region of China, which Kernaghan describes as being "like minimum-security prisons." The region is a “scary place,” Kernaghan continues, where the peak summer season is “brutal,” with temperatures inside non-air-conditioned factories soaring to over 100˚F. Workers in the region can come out with as little as $15 a month once rent and food debts have been paid to their bosses. “You can’t talk during working hours,” Kernaghan adds. “You can’t listen to music; you can’t stand up and stretch. You can’t even put your head up and look around, or you will be screamed at. If you get permission to use the toilet, you get four minutes. If you’re highly specialized, you cannot even go to the bathroom.” Star has learned that human-rights groups have dispatched their undercover investigators to a number of factories that have been linked to the Kardashians. And, Kernaghan says, it is time for the world and the Kardashians to take some responsibility. “Kim has been very fortunate, but it’s time for her and her family to treat these workers with respect,” he tells Star.

The fact that the Kardashians endorse human rights abuses to earn a buck should not be surprising to anyone except the Kardashians themselves. I really think they were just confused and thought they were spreading the wealth, because warm weather, slaves, and sewage are all themes in Kim's sex tape that made them famous.

Khloe Kardashian is stoked to move to Dallas to get away from family drama. Radar Online reports:

“Khloe is eager to get out of the constant media spotlight that comes with living in Los Angeles. Dallas has welcomed her and Lamar with open arms, and she is embracing this as an adventure,” a source close to the couple tells RadarOnline.com. “Khloe has been telling her closest friends that she is thrilled about the move because she will be getting away from the constant family drama. Kim and Khloe had been feuding up until November, but the two have since made up. However, Khloe is still extremely hurt that Kim called her an evil troll during an episode of Kourtney and Kim Take New York.” ... In the meantime, Khloe has been trying to get pregnant for the past two years with no success, and has begun in vitro fertilization treatment. "Khloe has told Lamar that leading a calmer life in Dallas will help her get and stay pregnant. Khloe loves her family, but there is just always a situation where one family member is mad at another. She is embracing this move in a big way," the friend dishes.

Please bear in mind that Khloe and Lamar had a wedding special and their own reality show outside of the ones she shares with her sisters. She's not tired of media attention. She's tired of being the ugly, infertile one. Chances are moving to Dallas won't make her "get and stay pregnant." A time machine and an X-chromosome may help, though.