Khloe Kardashian is stoked to move to Dallas to get away from family drama. Radar Online reports:

“Khloe is eager to get out of the constant media spotlight that comes with living in Los Angeles. Dallas has welcomed her and Lamar with open arms, and she is embracing this as an adventure,” a source close to the couple tells RadarOnline.com. “Khloe has been telling her closest friends that she is thrilled about the move because she will be getting away from the constant family drama. Kim and Khloe had been feuding up until November, but the two have since made up. However, Khloe is still extremely hurt that Kim called her an evil troll during an episode of Kourtney and Kim Take New York.” ... In the meantime, Khloe has been trying to get pregnant for the past two years with no success, and has begun in vitro fertilization treatment. "Khloe has told Lamar that leading a calmer life in Dallas will help her get and stay pregnant. Khloe loves her family, but there is just always a situation where one family member is mad at another. She is embracing this move in a big way," the friend dishes.

Please bear in mind that Khloe and Lamar had a wedding special and their own reality show outside of the ones she shares with her sisters. She's not tired of media attention. She's tired of being the ugly, infertile one. Chances are moving to Dallas won't make her "get and stay pregnant." A time machine and an X-chromosome may help, though.

Surprise! Radar Online reports:

"Kris was with Kim and her family in Bora Bora, and he playfully threw her in the sea. Kim emerged from the water, freaking out, with cameras rolling, shrieking that she had lost one of her diamond earrings, which are worth $75,000," the source says. "Kim was crying hysterically, but then miraculously, one of her younger sisters found the earring in the ocean, where the group had been swimming. It was probably 6-8 feet deep, and Kris commented to Kim how unbelievable it was that the valuable earring was found as the current in the ocean in Bora Bora is very, very strong. Kim just said, 'I know,' with very big smile on her face." Although Kris' eyes have been opened, and he's been left with a nasty taste by the whole experience of his whirlwind relationship and 72-day marriage, he does still have respect for one member of the family. "Kris says that Kim's reality shows are a total sham. He doesn't think there is anything real about the shows at all. Kris thinks that Khloe is truly the only authentic one among the Kardashian sisters," The source says. "Even though they didn't get along, at all, he respects that Khloe does what she wants. If Kim and Kris had stayed together, and he had gotten traded to Dallas, like Lamar did, he knows Kim wouldn't have moved with him like Khloe is doing."

Reality TV isn't real and an ugly girl was forced to develop a personality. In related news, pie is delicious and clouds are fluffy. I know, I couldn't believe it either!

"Hey, come take my picture, guys! Look at all the stuff I bought with my allowance!"
When Lamar Odom was traded to the Dallas Mavericks, Odom and Khloe Kardashian whined, but then quickly realized they'd still get to film their "reality" show, so they got excited about the move. A move that would allow a young couple to grow and cultivate their relationship without the constant involvement of Khloe's family oh wait no Rob Kardashian is moving in with them again. Celebuzz reports:

“I’m definitely going to move there, especially in the initial run to help Khloe pack and be with her. Khloe is going to be alone for the majority of the time because half the time Lamar will be on the road. We’re going to be filming and I’ll be keeping her company,” Rob dished to Celebuzz at Duracell’s Holiday Insurance Program event in New York. The 24-year-old reality star isn’t sure what to expect from Dallas, as he’s never been there, but he is ready to take the city by storm. “Dallas should be a fun city. I definitely want to catch some games and support my brother-in-law. I’ll be in and out but for the most part, I’m down to be there for a few months. There is no reason for me to be in LA. I can do anything from anywhere,” he added. “I’m ready to start experiencing the lifestyle and seeing what it’s all about.”

To reiterate, Rob Kardashian is 24-year-old fuck up who would rather make up any excuse to move to Dallas than get a job and find his own place. At least it's near Houston and the Space Center. The episode where he wakes up at noon and tells Khloe that he wants to go to astronaut school while she's driving him to meet a girl at the movies should be wrought with drama.

Late last week, it was announced that Lakers reserve forward Lamar Odom was part of a three team trade that would send all-star point guard and North Carolina legend Chris Paul to the Lakers and Odom to the New Orleans Hornets. Almost immediately, Khloe Kardashian and Odom took to Twitter to whine and complain because everybody in the NBA should be able to play where they want and it's not a business where owners try to make money la la la la la, even though Odom comes off the bench and got beat like a runaway slave when he was asked to guard Dirk Nowitzki during last year's Western Conference Semifinals. Then in a sketch move that is still being debated, NBA Commissioner Daniel Stern vetoed the trade. So instead of being happy he gets to stay in LA like he wanted, Odom pouted like a bitch and skipped the first day of Lakers' training camp and formally asked to be traded. So he was. To the Dallas Mavericks for an $8.9 trade exception. E! Online reports:

Talk about a whirlwind. Just days after Lamar Odom's trade to the New Orleans Hornets was cancelled, the Los Angeles Lakers reportedly re-traded him, this time to the Dallas Mavericks. So, how is his wife, Khloé Kardashian Odom, handling the news? "'For I know the plans I have for u," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper u and not to harm u, plans to give u hope and a future." Jeremiah'," Khloé tweeted upon hearing about the trade. And then she went on to tell a follower regarding the trade, "we are all sad but positive energy gets you farther then negative." Khloé continued to try to spread positivity on the social networking site in spite of the shakeup, later tweeting "Life is not always fair. Sometimes you get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow." Such a cute quote..."

So why would a perennial playoff team trade a player who is seemingly an integral part of their championship plans to anyone (even a conference rival) who would take him? Let Kobe Bryant explain:

"I don't like it," Bryant said Sunday. "I've known Lamar for a long time, and for the team itself, he's meant a lot in terms of his versatility, his personality. He's a big presence for us in the locker room, just from a team chemistry standpoint. He's great at bringing guys together and things of that nature. Bryant wasn't buying into speculation that Odom's off-the-court activities were distractions, including a burgeoning reality-TV career with wife Khloe Kardashian. "I don't understand the criticism of [the] reality shows. I don't get it. He had his best season last year. It clearly wasn't a distraction. He played his ass off. I don't get where that comes from."

So basically, the Lakers front office saw what happened with Kris Humphries and decided they didn't need that fucking headache and cut Lamar Odom loose for a cardboard cutout of basketball and a giftcard to Applebee's. Now Kobe Bryant is upset because Chris Paul won't let him take 85 shots a game or help bury the bodies of the girls he rapes. Like Lamar Odom did. You guys didn't hear that from me, though.

Since she was caught living in a tree on The Island of Doctor Moreau as a child and kept in captivity in Calabasas until she was dipped in body hair remover and the estrogen shots took hold, Khloe Kardashian's mutated uterus in an unholy abomination cursed by God and studied with wonder by modern science because she has unprotected sex with a black guy with three kids already but she needs eccentric billionaire John Hammond to extract her eggs from prehistoric amber to make a baby. At least I think that's how In vitro fertilization works. New York Post reports:

"She is desperate for a baby with Lamar and will do whatever it takes," a source close to the couple tells Us Weekly. The source claims that Kardashian and Odom began consultations in September, and are getting ready for the procedure which costs $10,000 to $15,000 a pop. "They have faith the IVF will work," the source adds. This would be Kardashian's first pregnancy. Odom has two children -- Destiny, 13, and Lamar Jr., 10 -- from a previous relationship with ex-girlfriend Liza Morales. The couple also had a third child who tragically died at seven months. While Khloe has not confirmed that she and her husband are trying IVF, she has been very vocal about her desire to have children since marrying Odom in 2009. "For two years, people have been wanting me to get pregnant," Khloe said. "People keep saying, 'Why aren't you pregnant yet?' That's what scares me, when people are like, 'Did you go to the doctor? Do you know if everything is working?' It's nerve-wracking. Sometimes I feel like I'm letting everyone down."

We don't even need to talk about how much extra security staff Yellowstone is gonna need to hire when this bitch becomes pregnant (odors attract bears, so avoid carrying or cooking odorous foods), but can we point out the fact that Lamar Odom is 6'10" and she has extended family on Skull Island? The WBNA is gonna be able to pay this kid in raw meat and bamboo.

"There can be only one." - Tranny Highlander
Yeah, so apparently this happened. New York Post reports:

Khloe Kardashian is being sued by a transgender woman who claims the reality TV star assaulted her outside a Hollywood nightclub. The incident occurred in December 2009, TMZ reported. Chantal Spears, formerly known as Ronald Spears, said she approached Kardashian's husband, LA Lakers basketball star Lamar Odom, outside the Playhouse nightclub and told him he was "too young to be married." She said Kardashian then "pushed and hit" her. Her lawsuit says she required medical care and suffered from "severe mental anguish" after the alleged assault, which she claims she did not provoke, according to People.

I'm way too tired to talk about two dudes in lipstick fighting right now. Sorry. But Kendall Jenner could be caught giving birth to Tim Tebow's baby behind a dumpster and it would be the best PR the Kardashian's have had in a month.

Kim Kardashian told Glamour that thinks she's not meant to have kids. Via Us Weekly:

"I believe in love and the dream of having a perfect relationship, but my idea of it has changed," says Kim, 31, who filed for divorce on Oct. 31 after just 72 days of marriage to Humphries, 26. "I think I need to not live in a fairy tale like that. I think I maybe need to just snap out of it and be a little more realistic." Although happily married sister Khloe, 27, tries to dissuade Kim from those dark thoughts ("I know you will get [love] again," she says), the mini-mogul says she needs to be "realistic…that what I want isn't possible." And that means, perhaps, no children of her own. "At first I was like, I want six kids. Then I went down to four, then I was down to three.and now I'm like, maybe I won't have any," she says glumly. "Maybe I'll just be a good aunt…At this moment in my life, I feel like maybe I'm not supposed to have kids and all that." Interjects Khloe: "Oh my God. Don't be dramatic all of a sudden!" "That's how I feel," insists Kim, whose sister Kourtney has a son Mason, nearly 2, with love Scott Disick. "Maybe my fairy tale has a different ending than I dreamed it would. But that's OK."

In Kim's defense, her life does have a lot of fairy tale elements: a dead father, an evil matriarch, an ugly sister and ogre hybrid, and a troll. Though it looks like she got Cinderella mixed in with Rumplestiltskin. Instead of spinning straw into gold, she spun a golden shower into a princess complex and a plastic surgery habit.

Kris Jenner can't keep her hos off the corner for long, so here's Kourtney and Khloe at a signing for their new fiction book that someone else wrote, Dollhouse. A book where their name is bigger than the actual title of course. "Dollhouse is addictively entertaining novel about an exciting, high-profile, complicated family with a huge heart and a lot of love, " Kourtney told the crowd before the signing. "RAAAAAWWWWRRRR," Khloe added before swatting down a plane.

Seriously, hasn't this guy suffered enough?

NOTE: If you want to see how the Kardashians and other money-hungry attention whores make their money, how about read a real book, Celebrity, Inc.. (buy it here now) by the insanely awesome Jo Piazza.

In case you're wondering the top vilest ways celebrities make their money, Jo sent me this list this weekend. Try not to punch a wall after you read it:

1. On average celebrities make $33,000 per pound just for losing weight on an endorsement deal.
2. $10,000 per Tweet
3. 50% of all proceeds from staged paparazzi photos
4. $10,000 "secret" endorsement checks to wear certain items of clothing.
5. $100,000 for baby photos (except for the very high end babies which can command $1 million)
6. $25,000 for a club appearance
7. All expense paid trips for them and their entire family to show up and say they support a charity