NY Daily News is reporting that Kiefer Sutherland will surrender to authorities this week to face minor assault charges for the incident that occurred at the Metropolitan Museum gala in which he headbutted fashion designer Jack McCollough for no apparent reason.

Sutherland will be charged with third-degree assault for the attack on designer Jack McCollough, sources said. The actor will be issued a desk appearance ticket for the misdemeanor - meaning he won't be jailed and will be free to travel before he's arraigned. "When the lawyer realized paparazzi could be sitting on his [Sutherland's] doorstep for two to three weeks, suddenly he wanted to come in right away and make it all go away," a police source said...."Kiefer is sorry it happened. Absolutely. It's terribly regrettable," the friend said. Still, the friend insisted Sutherland lashed out inside SubMercer because McCollough, a designer for Proenza Schouler, bumped into actress Brooke Shields and didn't apologize. "Kiefer was provoked," the friend said.

Eh, whatever. Look at pic #6, Jack McCollough looks fine to me. In the right light I guess that kinda looks like a scratch. Maybe it's because I'm not a gay fashion designer, but I'm pretty sure I could get hurt worse than that by having a scary dream.

It what may be the weirdest thing you read all day, Kiefer Sutherland headbutted and broke the nose of a fashion designer at the Metropolitan Museum gala after-party last night after the designer allegedly...wait for it...knocked Brooke Shields down. TMZ reports:

It happened at an after-party for the Met costume gala last night. We're told witnesses say the alleged victim -- Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough -- allegedly knocked Brooke Shields over and Kiefer saw it happen. The witnesses say Kiefer went over to the man and told him to apologize to her. At that point they say McCollough pushed Kiefer and the actor responded with a headbutt. A police report was taken and the incident is under investigation.

However, Brooke Shields has another recollection of the incident. It didn't happen.

Shields' reps tell TMZ the man Kiefer headbutted last night in no way did anything to Brooke that would have warranted the alleged attack...Brooke's rep say "nothing happened to her," adding "Jack did nothing inappropriate. It's not clear what caused Keifer to do what he did."...Brooke's reps tell us Jack, who designs clothes for Brooke, "did absolutely nothing to her." But here's where the plot thickens. We asked the rep, "Did Jack touch her?" Their response -- "We don't know."

Kiefer Sutherland is a legendary drunk lunatic (he is currently on probation for DUI), so there's no way he was sober for this. Especially since it seems like he went through a lot of work to make a gay dude cry. He didn't need to resort to violence. If Kiefer wanted to make this designer cry, all he had to do was tell him that somebody in ABBA died.

Kiefer Sutherland's attorney entered a no contest plea on the actor's behalf yesterday for his September 25th DUI arrest. Sutherland was stopped in Hollywood after making an illegal U-turn and blew a 0.16 when police tested him for alcohol. TMZ reports:

The sentence is complicated, but Kiefer will do 48 days in custody. Kiefer will do 18 days for the probation violation, surrendering December 21. He will serve an additional 30 days for the current DUI and must complete that sentence by July 1."

Kiefer Sutherland issued the following statement:

I'm very disappointed in myself for the poor judgment I exhibited recently, and I'm deeply sorry for the disappointment and distress this has caused my family, friends and co-workers on 24 and at 20th Century Fox. I appreciate the support and concern that has been extended to me these last weeks both personally and professionally."

48 days?? Damn. If you're an actor in Hollywood you could get caught with a truck full of dead orphans and the cop would just ask for your autograph, so 48 days might as well be 48 years. I was fully expecting Kiefer Sutherland to show up for court and the judge would be smiling and daydreaming about his bench turning like a secret bookcase and on the other side would be a butterfly meadow where he and and Kiefer hold hands and skip while little children pet playful lions and a clown makes all the cotton candy you can eat.

Kiefer Sutherland received his second DUI in five years after he was pulled over in West Hollywood last night and blew twice the legal limit of 0.08. TMZ reports:

Police sources tell TMZ 40-year-old Sutherland was pulled over around 1:35 AM PST on the corner of La Cienega and Beverly. Sutherland was at the FOX Fall Eco-Casino party at Area nightclub earlier that evening...Sutherland, who was stopped after making an illegal U-turn, was arrested for misdemeanor DUI and transported to the Hollywood Police station. He was booked at 4:09 AM and released at 5:42 AM on $25,000 bail. We're told Sutherland was "cooperative and mellow" while he was in custody."

Kiefer Sutherland is a legendary drunk, so yeah, this makes sense. You know what doesn't make sense? Why God lets bad things happen to good people. I mean, I bought a "Jesus died for my space in heaven" t-shirt and a "Give Us Our Daily Bread" bread basket, and I still haven't hit the Powerball yet. Yeah, thanks for nothing, God.